Soldato
- Joined
- 11 May 2007
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- 9,269
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- Surrey
+1(0000000)
Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.
- Thread starter David_VI
- Start date
+1(0000000)
I'm on Barnhall off Heath Road. Only got bicycle though LOL.
Contrary to most other comments, I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. Why? Well we don't condemn even known criminals without a fair trial, that's why we have a 'civilized' law system - emotions from the participants always cloud the issue and innocents get caught in the crossfire. The other fella (if indeed he is the other fella) could be the victim of the proverbial witchhunt - the mark of a backward society. There are enough chavs in Colchester, I live amongst them, don't start to become one
Sometimes the 'truth' (no such thing of course, since there is no objective arbiter) will emerge over time; best to leave it to cool and be rational (Spock rather than Kirk LOL)...
Soldato
- Joined
- 14 Dec 2010
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- 3,030
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- Nottingham
I also had three girls helping me after a break up, but nothing went on between us... honest.
Their names were Kandi, Destiny and Cherry.
Don't buy the three guy part, and the feelings from the other guy and nothing happened. Why even mention it if that was the case? In so much detail even.
She's been a naughty girl.
Oh well, onwards and upwards eh.
Their names were Kandi, Destiny and Cherry.
Don't buy the three guy part, and the feelings from the other guy and nothing happened. Why even mention it if that was the case? In so much detail even.
She's been a naughty girl.
Oh well, onwards and upwards eh.
Associate
- Joined
- 20 Nov 2013
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- 916
All I have taken from this thread is that you have a dead hamster in the freezer. I can haz? Could do with more snakefood, burying the thing is a waste. 
Soldato
- Joined
- 17 Jan 2006
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- 4,318
Having read the whole thread, my only advice echoes things which have been said many times, but for me it's important enough to say it once again, make sure to reach out, get in touch and stay in contact with friends whether that be to talk about things and get things off your chest and out of your head, or to get away from things and have a break from life by having a laugh with friends, both will do you good.
It is all too easy to isolate yourself, spend too much time thinking in a negative way and wallow in self-pity, and this will never help you to feel better!!!
Contact with people is good!!
(just wish it was as easy for me to take my own advice as it is to give it because I know it really does help but still I isolate!)
It is all too easy to isolate yourself, spend too much time thinking in a negative way and wallow in self-pity, and this will never help you to feel better!!!
Contact with people is good!!
(just wish it was as easy for me to take my own advice as it is to give it because I know it really does help but still I isolate!)
Women don't want to be the bad guy. That's why they always want to be friends, always want to make sure you are okay. They even convince themselves that it's better for you if they lie about the guys they were shagging behind your back.
All that sex and fun the week before? She was all happy and excited by her new emotional relationship, and you were experiencing the reflection of that. Then she decided to go for the real thing, and it forced her out the door (behind your back) into the new relationship she wants to pursue. You're now just her backup plan, and now she doesn't even have to feel guilty about her actions.
Of course, that may not be true. She may be honest and truthful with you, but that doesn't sound like a person that sneaks out of an eight year relationship behind your back with a cursory note, and new male companion in tow. You don't do this on a whim, you think about it and plan it in advance, and hide all that deviousness from your current partner. Just like the sort of person who comes back and lies to your face about it all, because it makes their life easier.
Even if she didn't sleep with the new guy when she says she didn't, she is now. You're officially broken up, because she made it that way, and now she can pursue the new guy. A bit of new attention has turned her head, and she's blown up her relationship with you because she wants the freedom to have the new guy.
Follow the previous advice. Throw yourself into work, hobbies, gym, travel, new people, socialising, etc. Look forwards, because you can't go back. She doesn't want you any more, she wants someone else.
All that sex and fun the week before? She was all happy and excited by her new emotional relationship, and you were experiencing the reflection of that. Then she decided to go for the real thing, and it forced her out the door (behind your back) into the new relationship she wants to pursue. You're now just her backup plan, and now she doesn't even have to feel guilty about her actions.
Of course, that may not be true. She may be honest and truthful with you, but that doesn't sound like a person that sneaks out of an eight year relationship behind your back with a cursory note, and new male companion in tow. You don't do this on a whim, you think about it and plan it in advance, and hide all that deviousness from your current partner. Just like the sort of person who comes back and lies to your face about it all, because it makes their life easier.
Even if she didn't sleep with the new guy when she says she didn't, she is now. You're officially broken up, because she made it that way, and now she can pursue the new guy. A bit of new attention has turned her head, and she's blown up her relationship with you because she wants the freedom to have the new guy.
Follow the previous advice. Throw yourself into work, hobbies, gym, travel, new people, socialising, etc. Look forwards, because you can't go back. She doesn't want you any more, she wants someone else.
Soldato
- Joined
- 22 Feb 2008
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- 11,114
Sorry dude, but you're so helplessly lost in the emotional mire here that you just can't see how absolutely perfectly she's playing you. Like only a woman can, frankly.
This other dude "helped" her? Listen -- what she did was steal away and defecate all over your lengthy relationship to run up a mountain with this guy and a few other blokes. There's nothing else to it but that. She admits she knows he wants her, but if she felt uncomfortable about that then why would she chuck away eight years of a seemingly loving relationship to run off with him and do nothing? The organisation that it would take to get accommodation and sort out a group of people to head off for a break isn't just a sudden "oh, you broke up with your boyfriend, poor thing. Tell you what, let's go somewhere and help cheer you up!", spur-of-the-moment deal.
That guy has been ragging her all up and down that mountain, you can guarantee that.
Now she's found that it wasn't all she's hoped for -- hey, maybe he's a good lay but an absolute prat, or the other way around but now she's back to you playing the "it's not you, it's me" card. All that is serving to do is placate your emotions and keep you hanging on. It's what ******* like this do: They box you into an emotionally uncertain place that only feels more fulfilling than the despair you had previously. You become the hanger-on. The backup. And every time she does the super-nasty with some other bloke she'll be back crying on your shoulder while you sit there agonising internally over why she just can't decide to take you back. You're walking head-on into a cycle of misery if you keep with these notions of a sun-warmed horizon where the two of you stand back together on a hillside, hold hands and smell the flora. It's a fantasy. Get out of it.
Forget all notion of getting back with her. Any woman who had put me through what she has just done to you would be out of my life once the financial obligations are squared away.
Most of you are assuming the worst. While you could be right, I have a feeling it's not like that at all. I think she's having issues and just flipped out and essentially ran away from it all. The other guy was no doubt being a great friend, then when they were "up the mountain" he started to make his move, which - let's face it - is how a lot of guys operate. She (being a girl) was genuinely surprised because she thought he was happy being in the friend-zone.
Life rarely isn't as simple as "she's a filthy whore and must be evil". Stuff happens, things change, etc. I'm not saying OP should take her back without a thought, but he should definitely try and get some sense (and truth) out of her before completely writing off the past 8 years.
Life rarely isn't as simple as "she's a filthy whore and must be evil". Stuff happens, things change, etc. I'm not saying OP should take her back without a thought, but he should definitely try and get some sense (and truth) out of her before completely writing off the past 8 years.
Soldato
- Joined
- 12 Aug 2005
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- 3,331
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- Orpington.
Why is he even entertaining her?
But they'd have needed to plan this trip up the mountain? Why did OP not know about it?
She knows how i'd have been. Previously when she's not been well and wanted to disapear (once about two years ago) I cried and went crazy on her, clinging on and trying to sort things out. Yet nothing was ever sorted out. I truly believe she'd be the same in any relationship, sure there would be the honeymoon period but she would still be this way. Other guys would have got rid of her years ago but as I have similiar problems we always got on with it and let each other be distant and depressed now and then because we knew it would pass and it wasn't personal. I've come a lot further than she has, with new job and such. But most of that is down to her... When I met her I was at home with parents, unemployed on benefits. She helped me go back to college, where I spent 5 years studying music, we went through major financial issues where I got a job at the secure hospital while pursuing my dream job which she helped me with at every stage, the tests, the interviews etc. I'm almost who I am today because of her.
I think she was shocked but glad I wasn't this way (the begging in tears all over the place) when she came round. I suppose it shows I've accepted (in some way) that it was over and managed to keep going (albeit in an unpredictable way). She asked if i'd been eating, checked the fridge, asked about work (she knows I nearly lost my job). She said she was worried that i'd end up killing myself, (I suppose if she was really worried i'd do tha she'd have not done it and checked on me or something).
We're both messed up people, her more so.. but it's what drew us to each other I suppose. Maybe thats why I seem so understanding because shes not just a malicious typical women, I know she can be irrational.
I was ready to destroy her until I heard she didn't touch the guy.. That really changed everything.
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Soldato
- Joined
- 4 Apr 2003
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- 8,122
Wtf man.......if this is as I read it, no wonder she left, its not her its you.....
Get some alpha.
Sorry for the blunt response.
Associate
- Joined
- 21 Feb 2011
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- 96
I was ready to destroy her until I heard she didn't touch the guy.. That really changed everything.
She sensed this and is why She didn't tell you everything. The sooner you realise she's having sex with this other guy,the sooner you can heal. When you have healed,you will look back on things she said to you and realise,she was lying from giving you the full truth,of what's been happening.
She sensed this and is why She didn't tell you everything. The sooner you realise she's having sex with this other guy,the sooner you can heal. When you have healed,you will look back on things she said to you and realise,she was lying from giving you the full truth,of what's been happening.
Associate
- Joined
- 21 Feb 2011
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- 96
If she told you the truth,it would probably wipe you out for being ever a person she could fallback on,when it goes **** up with her New fella
What is in it for her to lie to me? It's not like she wants me back or I want her back.. I don't understand because I wouldn't feel the need to lie.