Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.

I think you need to close this thread and move on. You have asked for advice and got it, you are now divulging more and more information and there really is no point to it. I have a feeling that in 6 months time you'll look back at this thread and cringe.
 
Adam said:
I think you need to close this thread and move on. You have asked for advice and got it, you are now divulging more and more information and there really is no point to it. I have a feeling that in 6 months time you'll look back at this thread and cringe.
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Which will be a good learning point. Nothing wrong with making mistakes, looking back and feeling a bit cringe about it all. Everyone does that.
 
David_VI said:
I just want to do the right thing.
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The right thing for you to do now, fella, is to get on with your own life and understand that whatever connection you had with this woman is over (or at the very least irreparably damaged) and as such she is not not your problem anymore. I tell you this from painful experience - you cannot help her, you cannot fix her and any further involvement for you in this capacity, plus your emotional connection, will only lead to more pain and difficulty for the both of you. It sounds like she needs professional help. You are not a professional, so don't even go there, even out of your well intentioned feelings towards her.

Separating yourself like this will he hard. Very hard indeed. But it is something you must do for your own sake (hers too for that matter).
Take it from me; you will need to be very disciplined with yourself every day to keep your emotional turmoil from getting the better of you - not having her around muddying the waters of your soul with her manipulations (intentional or not it makes no difference to how it effects you) will mitigate the potential for setbacks.

You will learn something about yourself if you do this.

All of us here understand that sometimes you just need to talk to someone about what's going through your head (even the 'alpha' dudes will admit this), and whilst it is still early days for you, you have to start moving forward and not spend the next several months treading water with your emotional state. Failing to do this will only lead to you loosing what's left of your self respect and you'll end up being a whiny little bitch wallowing in self pity and never doing anything positive to change your circumstances.
You need to take control of your life and your interactions with the people in it instead of simply reacting to how other people behave toward you. The sooner you start to do this the better a man you will be for it.

Osprey said:
Sorry if I come across as a cold hearted *******, but women with depression and suicidal tendencies who require you to provide infinite counsel and solutions to their problems should be avoided like the damned plague. A few of the guys I've known have been drawn to these problem women over the years, (they always seem to go for the same types) and the relationships always end in the same way; the guys with the best intentions never able to stabilise their partner until all the promises of a better tomorrow begin to fall on deaf ears and the woman finds another host to leech the happiness out of. In this particular case the irony of it is that the needy, problem filled, safe option ended up shagging someone else.

In the interest of equality I should say that everything said above is true of women who date problem men as well.
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I absolutely agree.

Like I said before OP - you need to look after number one until you feel you are comfortable enough in yourself to enter another relationship on a more sustainable and equal footing.
 
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David_VI said:
Firstly I am not seeing her as innocent. I am just putting the guy more at fault because he was meant to be helping her out, not messing with her head even further. She told him she didn't want a relationship. She just wanted to be alone and sort herself out, yet he still kept going.
To me it looks like a mini breakdown. She is vunerable due to her mental health issues hence my attitude towards it.
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No mate she tells you thats what she told him its very unlikely she did



There was no affair, nothing happened while we were together and nothing happened during the Lake District, it was when they got back. She's since been extremely honest with me (Yes how do I know that?) and she's told me she is seeing him today and being honest with her friends also.

I just want to do the right thing. She has said she knows she's this wrong but she doesn't regret it. In the long term she can't imagine being with anyone else but me (yeah I know you guys will call bull on this). She just doesn't want to be with guys for now, she's never been properly alone (neither have I) and has serious health issues that need to be resolved.
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Shes going to end up seeing him for a long time.

btw being "honest" with her friends is gonna involve dragging you though the mud.

I just know if I didn't do this the right way she would end up in a ditch somewhere. When here she was a state and I know what shes like in that state. So even if we aren't together i'd rather everything be done the right way as I wouldn't wish harm upon her.

Call me a mug if you will.
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Been there and trust me she wont do anything.
 
David_VI said:
Maybe you misunderstood. Our relationship was not bad due to us being in debt and not being able to sort things out. I am just trying to be positive by realising I have a lot going for me, I got the job I always wanted and have the potential to be very happy. Our relationship was fine as a relationship but we never took it further due to often finding it hard to pay bills and eat from week to week.. but we had the plan that once our financial situation stabled we could get married and have a more positive future.
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did you ever think that maybe it was the external problems that helped keep you together now everything was looking rosey there wasnt that commo nground anymore.
 
listen mate this is what I would do if this happened to me.... get 6 of my close GUY mates and go on holiday somewhere awesome like Amsterdam GET SMASHED and high have a time of your life just with the boys... hook up with random lasses you soon forget about her...
 
David_VI said:
She was seeing him today to explain it all... Since he's found out the truth he's refused to see her and is instead taking to me.



Seriously, its the one bit of truth in this. She needs to be alone and that's what she wanted. The guy has told me nothing is going on and she even told him she doesn't want a relationship... He was just under different impressions.
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a lot of explaining will be going on mate. :rolleyes:

8==========================D >-8o

Just saying mate I tried to explain it a few times to you.

You are living in absolute denial and its pathetic, she is saying all this while shes off on her own doing her own thing.

When you wake up each morning knowing shes not there knowing shes not messaged you or said good morning and when you go to sleep each night not knowing the same or getting that cuddle... im sure it hurts.

While you feel that way shes off seeing this guy and despite her ******** saying nothing is going on, knowing the guy likes her she still meets him while telling you she just wants to be alone.

She is just doing this to appease you so she can control ur breakdown while looking innocent to everyone else.

Dont be a fool I know this exact situation, your going to be baggage to her for a few months while shes moving on with her life you will be dragged along believing she just wants to be alone...


lol:mad:
 
Captain Planet said:
Bigoted post is not even worth forming a reply. You clearly have a chip that you ought to go address. I wish you luck with that my beta fellow ;)
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Haha yeah because you CAN'T form a reply or a coherent, considered argument.

Hit a sensitive nerve did I?

Oh Mighty CAPTAIN PLANET a moniker even a pre-teen would hesitate to consider- what a mature guy :rolleyes:

Good luck with resolving your issues Omega loser LOL :D
 
This is quite a sad story. OP I wish you well and I know it is hard for you to let her go, but she is not your responsibility. She has chosen not to be with you, at least for the time being and unless you want a life of uncertainty and pain waiting to see if she does come back to you, you may do well to consider moving on and making it a very clean break.

You cannot "fix" people, they have to fix themselves.

If she has ditched that other guy he is one lucky fella. He has dodged a massive bullet here.
 
So... to sum up, trust is gone, relationship is over, but OP can't bear the thought of the separation. So things are going to drag on until the inevitable happens and OP breaks down completely. GF will get on with her life with her new bloke (or blokes).

Seen it happen in my own family, it only ends one way. Feel bad for you man. Things can get worse and probably will if you can't accept it's over. If you can't let go, there's years of misery, resentment, and depression ahead.
 
chief barker said:
16 pages of ********.

If the OP feels this way after a ***** dumps him then I don't hold much hope for him when the real **** hits the fan.
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Don't belittle how I'm feeling. It's not like she was always a *****. Any relationship that breaks up can have been fine for many years before. Wouldn't it be easier if she was a proper *****?

The fact we were fine and she's not actually cheated make it harder. I wish she had treated me like hell because at least then it would be easier.

Don't forget it's only been just over a week. I think I have a right to feel the way I do. I'm still alive, going to work and socialising.. You write like I've gone insane and there's no reason for it.
 
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David_VI said:
Don't belittle how I'm feeling. It's not like she was always a *****. Any relationship that breaks up can have been fine for many years before. Wouldn't it be easier if she was a proper *****?

The fact we were fine and she's not actually cheated make it harder. I wish she had treated me like hell because at least then it would be easier.

Don't forget it's only been just over a week. I think I have a right to feel the way I do. I'm still alive, going to work and socialising.. You write like I've gone insane and there's no reason for it.
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Everyone here understands that you must feel terribly hurt.

What they have issues with is you constantly making excuses for the way she has treated you.
 
OldCoals said:
Everyone here understands that you must feel terribly hurt.

What they have issues with is you constantly making excuses for the way she has treated you.
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This. It's frustrating to read. Hopefully soon enough your thought process will completely change. You already know this will happen because you're not stupid. It's hard to control your feelings though. They will change with time.
 
David_VI said:
Don't belittle how I'm feeling. It's not like she was always a *****. Any relationship that breaks up can have been fine for many years before. Wouldn't it be easier if she was a proper *****?

The fact we were fine and she's not actually cheated make it harder. I wish she had treated me like hell because at least then it would be easier.

Don't forget it's only been just over a week. I think I have a right to feel the way I do. I'm still alive, going to work and socialising.. You write like I've gone insane and there's no reason for it.
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She got stuck up a mountain :rolleyes: more like the mountain got stuck...

Come on....

Why the hell cant you bloody see it David.

There are 7 billion people in the world and this woman is having her way with you right now and you cant see past it. All it is going to do is give you grief and this singular little person is not worth any of it.
 
I just don't understand how most of you seem to tar her with the same brush and immediately jump to the extreme that she was having an affair.

I suppose you guys would never believe otherwise. I know what she's done, how many times and when. I fail to see why she would be lying. She's a mess and has admitted she went about all of this in the wrong way.

I just fail to believe one of my best friends who is also best friends with the guy would be lying also.. Aswell as her friends. She's really not the type. She's the type to be irrational and messed up but not to cheat while with me.

Then again how would I ever know if she was telling the truthe anyway.

Why does everyone always assume the worst? Not all women are the same.
 
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