grandparents not interested in grandchild after a row

My dads mum was an horrible old cow who was never interested in me.

She lived 15 minutes away and the most I ever got in 12 years was a letter. Never a birthday card or anything. My Dad used to offer to take me there but she always said no.

Anyway, I was fine. Like your boy, my mums parents were the greatest grandparents I could ever ask for. They was there for me till the day they died. So unless your parents make the move, I wouldn't let it upset you too much. I'm sure your lad will be fine.
 
Impact on the kid is pretty hard to judge (and obviously at 1 it won't make much odds to them).

I saw one lot of grandparents far more than the other in the first few years of my life but it didn't really make much odds to me.

If people are going to be awkward save your time and effort for those who deserve it.

EDIT: Your dad might be more interested just being quiet about it (not knowing the person I can't really say) it might be worth sounding out his thoughts on seeing his grandson.
 
adam98150 said:
Not all parents are awesome though are they? Mine are, and for that I'm grateful. But there's plenty of scum that don't give a damn about their kids.

And wouldn't worry about it OP. Try and forgive them, and if you can't, they have other grandparents. Some children grow up without any.
Click to expand...
I agree with this, some of the things I've read about other peoples parents and how they've been, and in some cases still are treated, is mind boggling.
Just because they're your parents doesn't mean you are obliged to maintain any sort of relationship with them if they are total *****.

Whoops - whatsitholes isn't on the swear filter :D.
 
You cannot choose your family but that doesn't mean you need to suffer them. You're an adult; make an adult decision about the terms on which you are willing to see you parents. Your child will be fine with one set of grandparents.
 
Mr Jack said:
You cannot choose your family but that doesn't mean you need to suffer them. You're an adult; make an adult decision about the terms on which you are willing to see you parents. Your child will be fine with one set of grandparents.
Click to expand...


I personally cannot be bothered with them. My mother is a poisonous bitter woman and my dad is a mug.

I was just feeling bad about it for my son but he's to young to remember and he won't know any different so I guess it won't hurt. If they do decide to build bridges. Things will be on mine and my wife's terms.
 
Tefal said:
wait are you saying yopu abandoned your dad that night or just told your mum not to mention him but kept seeing him?
Click to expand...

I basically told her I was not abandoning my Dad because he'd done nothing wrong anway.
When we emigrated from Nigeria in 1979 my Mum was a nasty person and I couldn't believe my Dad lasted another 8 years with her.
 
My dad as only ever seen my daughter 5 times since birth (now 2 yrs old) and once since xmas..
The way i look at it is, he is the one missing out not my daughter
No fall outs etc he as only ever given any thought about himself, i refuse to take her down to see him and im not too fussed to see him myself..
The way i look at it is, he shouldnt need an invite to see her and if he is waiting for one, he is in for one heck of a wait
 
arc@css said:
If you've tried and done your 'bit', which it reads like you have, then I'd get on with your life - without them, at least for the foreseeable anyway.
Click to expand...

This.

We only knew one set of grand parents growing up, the others were people we saw once or twice a year. It is what it is and kids accept pretty much anything as normal.
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
I didn't have a great childhood. I can tell you for a fact my mother would be in prison today for some of the stuff she has done to me in the past. My dad was just a yes man and didn't get involved.

Things improved as i got bigger nand able to not let her hit me. And the last few years have been ok since I moved out. Perhaps I'm best keeping my boy well away.

I'm just wondering what do I tell him when he starts asking why he only has one set.
Click to expand...

You were abused? I wouldn't let that witch anywhere near my child. I wouldn't even speak to my family again if they were abusive never mind let them have access to my child.

I know it's a touchy subject but stuff like this really peeves me off. So sorry if I offended you.
 
adam98150 said:
You were abused? I wouldn't let that witch anywhere near my child. I wouldn't even speak to my family again if they were abusive never mind let them have access to my child.

I know it's a touchy subject but stuff like this really peeves me off. So sorry if I offended you.
Click to expand...


It was never to the point where i was injured but pretty sure if I behaved in that way I'd be inside.

Didn't know any different back then. Just thought I was being smacked but looking back now it was excessive at times.

Otherwise I was being screamed at to shut up etc.

I found it the close relationship myv wife has with her parents quite odd initially just cos I'd never experienced it before.
 
Last edited:
Parents are people too. And sometimes people are ****.

Kids tend to place their parents on pedestals (no matter how rubbish they might actually be) and I recon it's one of the last ties to independence as an adult in your own right to realise that they are just like every one else with the same strengths, weaknesses, and foibles as anyone you're likely to meet.

It seems a shame that one of your parents is behaving like a child. Just accept it and get on. Either your mum will come round or she won't. I know that's not much help, but it sounds like that's how it is for you, so do what makes you and your family happy and safe.
 
Some good comments here.

Tbh I think I had decided to just forget about them and move on. I think it was from more a thing for my boy to have another set of grandparents
 
The only benefit of another set of grandparents for a child is twice as many pairs of socks at Christmas. I never knew my dads parents as they died before I was born. So I only got half the pairs of sock'age that was supposed to be my birthright.
 
One thing that amazes me about grandparents, is that despite their years of experience in life, they can be amazingly petty and childish.

My Nan can be similar sometimes. She's awesome and I love her to bits, but she'll not talk to me or make me feel truly horrible about myself over minute little things.

Take the last example. My nan's landline phone "broke". She could make calls, receive calls and has a mobile that she's more than capable of using. She started freakingout that nobody could leave her messages on her answering phone (despite the fact she doesn't get calls that often). I knew this would be an easy fix, something like her message box was full or she's turned it off.

Since she was able to make calls and receive them, and that we only live about 10 min drive away, I said that I could come on my lunch break at work on Monday and fix it for her (she told me about the problem Saturday morning.

I said to her "Nan, I've got planned activities today and I can't make it till Monday lunch time". She started freaking out, telling me I never have time for, telling me about all her friends and their "amazing" grand-children. I explained to her, it's the weekend, you can call/receive calls just fine, nobody is going to leave you a message in the time between and when I come on Monday. But nope, would have none of it.

Well, turns out that simply the play-back button on the phone was stuck and thus, nobody could leave messages.

Poor example in context with your situation (which I'm really sad to hear about), but it's so true that grandparents can be so petty at times.
 
**** them, and their attitude, the probably like it this way, you say they always favoured your brothers kids, now they can spend all the time they want over there.

and when it comes to laying them to rest, let your brother sort it out.
 
My wife's mum can be a bitter horrible sarcastic women which she directs at my wife. Thankfully she lives nearly 3 hours away and she can't drive:) We had invited her to come on holiday with all expenses paid. She had a go at my wife over the phone, my wife gave as good back and next thing I knew she was not coming:) The wife was angry over the money we would not get back on the holiday. I thought it was money well spent!
 
snips86x said:
It unfortunately happens. My dad was the same with us and our son. We spent the first 2 years going round as often as we could and they didn't seem to care. Strangely my brothers son was the talk of the family and we seemed to have been shunned due to a disagreement.

Stopped going round for just over a year and a half and now he's started taking interest.

Sometimes you have to let these things wallow and wait it out - it's only going to be the grandparents who are missing out and we didn't see the point in trying, so we didn't.

It's harsh and hard but they come round eventually.
Click to expand...

Similar for us. It took 5 years and for us to move away before bridges were truly built.

It will work out for the best.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom