Being in a relationship with a workaholic

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Stuff

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Any you guys/gals experienced it? We've been together for 2 years now, but work.. comes before everything. I've come to realise over this time that I'll always be 2nd choice.

Work starts at stupidly early in the morning due to getting up to get ready, travel, takes up the whole day, and then continues into the night after she gets home. It's a pretty well-paid job and I understand it takes commitment and dedication, but I know for a fact if I were doing it, I wouldn't be putting in that many hours; I'd have a life too. She has zero work/life balance.

I can't see this ever changing due to it simply being from culture and the way she's been brought up, but it's so hard to let go... I know the right answer is probably 'cut your losses and find someone who x, y and z', but it's a lot easier said than done :( We get on so so well, laugh a lot, etc. and there's absolutely nothing else I'd change about her. I just don't know how much longer I can take this. It's emotionally draining.
 
You've answered your own question really. You need to sit down with her and voice your feelings, make her understand where you're coming from. Don't make it an ultimatum, but make sure she knows you're at the end of your tether. If she isn't willing to make any changes, then you know what needs to be done. I know that doesn't make it easier, but relationships are about give and take. There has to be balance for happiness, in all aspects of life.
 
Everything else being good doesn't alter the fact that your partner either explicitly or implicitly regards you as less important than her job. Have a conversation with her about the need for balance.
 
Many jobs dictate your life, we all can't have a 9-5 Mon to Fri routine, i get bogged down with many hours working and long roads trips just to get to work, i wouldn't call it workaholic just the needs of the business which get in the way of free time, real world living:(
 
Unfortunately more and more jobs demand this kind of commitment. The day of the 9 till 5 Monday to Friday is rapidly disappearing.

So the question is does she need to put in these hours or chooses too to try and further her career?
 
[FnG]magnolia;27285223 said:
Everything else being good doesn't alter the fact that your partner either explicitly or implicitly regards you as less important than her job. Have a conversation with her about the need for balance.
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That's the problem though.. If I give her the choice, what does she pick..?
Spook187 said:
Many jobs dictate your life, we all can't have a 9-5 Mon to Fri routine, i get bogged down with many hours working and long roads trips just to get to work, i wouldn't call it workaholic just the needs of the business which get in the way of free time, real world living:(
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I totally understand that, I do way over a 9-5 myself, but I still have a life. She does this 7 days a week.. Weekends are just playing catch-up, but she's always behind with something or other.
MooMoo444 said:
Sure she is not playing away from home?
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Yeah, I know with certainty it's not that.
 
What is she doing? Some jobs just need ludicrous hours, I'm afraid.

Need is a strange word to use... rather, some clients require large tasks to be done at the drop of a hat.
 
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Nitefly said:
What is she doing? Some jobs just need ludicrous hours, I'm afraid.

Need is a strange word to use... rather, some clients require large tasks to be done at the drop of a hat.
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Account management. It certainly doesn't require ludicrous hours at all. It's nothing that's particularly urgent either.

What drives me even more crazy is I'm a blue personality type (Google it).. She's yellow (the opposite). I'm very focussed on efficiency. I also believe the theory that (generally) a task will fit into the time you have to do it. This works for me. She's inefficient, and doesn't see the problem with going to be at 4am and waking up at 7am again for work.. Sometimes she doesn't sleep. She never sets the end time of a task when she'll stop doing it. Which is why, I think, work consumes her entire life. It's ridiculous.

bloodiedathame said:
You need a 'chat'
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Uh huh..
 
I think you know the only way to move this forwards. Sit down with her, speak about your concerns and go from there.

Or option b), get her pregnant then she can be a stay at home Mum... :p

[Edit] For the record, I'm the same as you - I strive for efficiency. If I can't get the job done in the time allotted, then I'm doing it wrong!
 
There's only one solution....sit down and talk to each other about how you feel.

Maybe try to explain to her that it's all good and well working hard now for a better future, but you feel like you are both missing out on experiencing the present, and you want to spend more time together so you can share the experience with her.
 
If she can't at least free herself up for Friday night and some of the weekend there's something wrong. Even people at the highest levels in the toughest jobs can spare a night or two a week and some of the weekend with their loved ones. I wouldn't expect her to be free every night if I was in your situation, but if she is consumed with work every single day and evening then you need to have a serious chat.
 
Get her up the spout. My wife took her job in investment banks/hedge funds extremely seriously. I got her preggers and hey presto she is a stay at home mum who hasn't troubled herself with work for 6 years.
 
I'd ask my other half for her thoughts but I started work early this morning

<<<< workaholic
 
As someone mentioned above, even those with tremendously challenging jobs insist on time away from work. There is no way an Account Manager should be working those kind of hours unless (a) she is EXTREMELY well paid, (b) she enjoys working stupid hours, or (c) she has to work those hours because she can't do her job properly.
 
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