People get a bit bored/restless in their current relationship and if someone provides an opportunity they will "fall in love" with that person. People are generally needy and fickle. If she does ever leave her husband for you then you should expect the same treatment a few years down the line.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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People get a bit bored/restless in their current relationship and if someone provides an opportunity they will "fall in love" with that person. People are generally needy and fickle. If she does ever leave her husband for you then you should expect the same treatment a few years down the line.
It doesn't help that society has taught us cheating isn't natural, I don't believe it's right but I don't think humans were ever meant to be with one sexual partner for long lengths of time. People get bored of the same **** day in day out and want something new and exciting and if that means someone to have sex with then there's very little you can do if you aren't fulfilling their needs. Obviously this isn't the case for everyone and the issue lies with people not being able to be honest and end the relationship before doing so.
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To be fair, if she's been with one guy for fourteen years since she was thirteen, it's no surprise that they've grown apart and she's stuck there out of habit. It's not unusual they've changed as they've basically grown up into different people, and now she's met someone else. It's doesn't mean she's a serial cheater, it means her world is now different than what it was when she was thirteen. She's become an adult person instead of the child she was, and we all change a lot during that time.
The real question is whether she's really in love with the new person, or if this is just a way to escape from the marriage she's outgrown and is unhappy in.
Cheating is as cheating does, or whatever. I'll never view it as anything other than totally unacceptable; either cheating on, or being the person someone else cheats with, and knowing it.
A good friend of mine messed about with a GF of mine many, many years ago. I still don't talk to her, and it took 10 years to have even the most cursory of conversations with him. They split and he has a kid with her. When we finally cleared the air, he apologised and said everything I said about her was true and that having to see her for their kid just causes him so much stress and grief even now due to her life and other partner (another mutual friend).
All water under the bridge now, but people are just chaos mostly.
At the time people make all sorts of excuses to themselves to justify their actions, but really they're just behaving like *****.
Only animals behave and act on instinct.
One of the things that separates us human beings from the animals is our ability to control our base instincts.
Well... some of us anyways.
A good friend of mine messed about with a GF of mine many, many years ago. I still don't talk to her, and it took 10 years to have even the most cursory of conversations with him. They split and he has a kid with her. When we finally cleared the air, he apologised and said everything I said about her was true and that having to see her for their kid just causes him so much stress and grief even now due to her life and other partner (another mutual friend).
All water under the bridge now, but people are just chaos mostly.
At the time people make all sorts of excuses to themselves to justify their actions, but really they're just behaving like *****.
Only animals behave and act on instinct.
One of the things that separates us human beings from the animals is our ability to control our base instincts.
Well... some of us anyways.
I can kind of understand that happening with someone who has only ever been with one person since they were a teenager, adults grow apart, I'm frankly surprised this didn't happen to her sooner.
Not an excuse, but then given she has only had the experience of this one, not-very-normal relationship, she hasn't learned about break-ups, etc.
Not an excuse, but then given she has only had the experience of this one, not-very-normal relationship, she hasn't learned about break-ups, etc.
Slight difference in cheating with your mates partner compared to some random guy who you basically owe nothing. Why let the fact some random stranger happened to meet a girl before you stop you from being with a girl you really like? Life's a competition; whether it's a girl, a job, or anything else.
I felt exactly the same with my ex. We've known each other for a long time and there was always a little more eye contact than just friends. We got together way too soon after my wife died and I just put all my eggs in her basket (so to speak) and became consumed by needing her in my life.
I read online there is a scale of attraction and we put ourselves on that scale. If we have a relationship with someone below where we put ourselves on that scale we, mostly, manage the relationship well because we feel we are higher up the scale than the person we are with so don't feel so threatened by other suitors or in such need to be with them in case they forget we love them. If, however, we are with someone who we place higher than ourselves on the scale then we develop insecurities about the relationship because we feel we are punching above our weight and its only a matter of time before they move on. This then causes the anxiety, the insecurity and then the actions that make us look needy in their eyes which runs the risk of driving them away (the exact opposite of everything we are doing in order to keep them - over compensating, doing everything for them, paying for everything, ditching what you would normally have done day to day in order to suit them etc)
Sounds like you, like me, have realised all this a little too late. But you have to ask yourself - could you have changed? Would you want to? Sure there are things you might have done differently - for a while - but would you really have been happy if those things that made you unhappy in the relationship kept happening and you had to constantly hide your unhappiness? She was not the one - just as mine wasn't the one.
Oh and one more thing - if you finished for similar reasons to mine - don't chase her. Makes it even worse, trust me. Back off and leave her to come to you - if she doesn't you were done anyway. Mine started texting again so I asked her straight what for? As Steampunk pointed out it would seem she was just trying to make herself feel better rather than any form or reconciliation. Part of me would take her back no questions asked but the longer things are left - and the more I realise there are more than just her that are interested in me, the easier it gets to think well, even if she did want to start again, I'm not sure I'd want to.
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Sounds like you got a really tight handle on stuff like integrity and honour. Good for you.
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That's rubbish.
Eating too much calories dense food is natural, but it doesn't mean we should do it.
There is a strength in two people uniting, along with an enormous amount of trust and honour. To break this is a scumbags move.
Most problems can be resolved, it's just easier not to...
redvgreen, you're a scumbag of the highest order. I won't go so bad as to wish you ill, as I'm sure karma will return the favour. You genuinely don't think she'll tired of you as well?
Exactly, if she's done it with her husband what's to say she won't do the exact same thing to you?
If you get tired of someone, you break it off if you want to be with someone else, it's one of those things that separate us from animals.
If you get tired of someone, you break it off if you want to be with someone else, it's one of those things that separate us from animals.
The ex sent me a (drunk) text this morning at 3.41am saying "I miss you". Exactly 3 months after I walked away. What a **** trying to mess with my mind
Dem post work party texts.
Edit - trolololol I just checked my own phone and whilst I got off the hook on the text front, there is a 10 minute call from an ex that I took at 2am last night! Mah gerd.
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The ex sent me a (drunk) text this morning at 3.41am saying "I miss you
bootytext
Go into your contacts on the phone, find the number and select block this caller, stops messages and texts then.
The ex sent me a (drunk) text this morning at 3.41am saying "I miss you
Don't reply, don't ruminate. It will pass by quicker than you think.
He made his bed.
Hahaha drunk booty text, he doesn't care about you, he just wanted to get it wet!
Definitely block..
Go to Phone
Go to recent calls
touch " i " on the right hand side against the appropriate number.
At the bottom of the screen should be..
"Block this caller"
DO IT!
Definitely block..
Go to Phone
Go to recent calls
touch " i " on the right hand side against the appropriate number.
At the bottom of the screen should be..
"Block this caller"
DO IT!
I'm dating someone who is great and should be perfect for me. However I can't get someone else out my mind and it's driving me nuts. It makes no sense at all as the girl I'm dating is infinitely fitter, more sophisticated, educated etc.
Other lass has issues I think. Her faults just make her more attractive but she's already brushed me off twice. I think she just has low self esteem. :/ I really don't know what to do about it. I'm just not good at this stuff anymore.
Other lass has issues I think. Her faults just make her more attractive but she's already brushed me off twice. I think she just has low self esteem. :/ I really don't know what to do about it. I'm just not good at this stuff anymore.
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