The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Hurrah, things are going well! it was all done via one of my hobbies, too!

Pursue something you love and you'll meet amazing people, that is all! :D
 
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Surfer said:
Had breakup chat...

Pretty much a nightmare tbh. Some of the abuse i deserve i suppose "i am evil" a user, a liar who says all these things (marriage kids etc) and then goes back on my word... (when i didnt say these things :( ) I think the big difference between us was i didnt think we were compatible (oil and water) but i wanted to try and see how it would go because i did love her (maybe as a friend though). I see a relationship as something that develops....but knowing her as a friend and as a partner for me felt very different (for her it is the same and incompatibility does not happen for her...if the man is willing to commit to marriage, kids and living together e.g. making a life together and is decent then thats good enough for her). She laid into me pretty good and perhaps i deserve it...because i have hurt her big time.... 3 1/2 months we were together..

Lost a good friend of 5 years as she has said she wants nothing to do with me :(
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Bullet dodged, you were probably being used and you hurt her ego.
 
nicktay2605 said:
Women can be so annoying. There's this girl at work who's 18 (I'm 26) and she's been flirting with me constantly, and not being able to resist a very hot girl (which she is), I've been flirting with her too. Over the weekend I happened to bump into her while I was on a night out with some friends and ended up taking her home. The next morning I asked her if we could keep it between us for the time being because I didn't want loads of work gossip and didn't think it was really anyone's business, which she agreed to.

Fast forward to today and upon going into work I find out that she's already told one of the other women at work, who happens to be the biggest gossip there. Before you know it, everyone knows. Someone came into my office to warn me that rumours were going around about it, so rather than lying and saying it hadn't happened I decided to meet it head on and tell the truth. What's particularly annoying about the whole thing is that people are making snide little comments about it and even questioning whether a 26 year old should be hooking up with an 18 year old. I was thinking of asking her out on a proper date but now I don't know if I can trust her. She generally comes across as very mature but when I confronted her about spilling the secret when she promised not to, her response was "it was only one person I told, I didn't think it would be that big a deal". Women!
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ci_newman said:
Rule # 1, don't smash work colleagues :p
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Think most people have been there mate. Happened to me. I was 23 and she was 29. I am now 24 and she is 31 and we together. People say office relationships don't work. She doesn't work there now so we will see :D
 
Surfer said:
Had breakup chat...

Pretty much a nightmare tbh. Some of the abuse i deserve i suppose "i am evil" a user, a liar who says all these things (marriage kids etc) and then goes back on my word... (when i didnt say these things :( ) I think the big difference between us was i didnt think we were compatible (oil and water) but i wanted to try and see how it would go because i did love her (maybe as a friend though). I see a relationship as something that develops....but knowing her as a friend and as a partner for me felt very different (for her it is the same and incompatibility does not happen for her...if the man is willing to commit to marriage, kids and living together e.g. making a life together and is decent then thats good enough for her). She laid into me pretty good and perhaps i deserve it...because i have hurt her big time.... 3 1/2 months we were together..

Lost a good friend of 5 years as she has said she wants nothing to do with me :(
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Seems like she'll be fine. She'll just move onto the next guy, because she just wants an interchangeable baby-daddy to fit in with her own life-plans. You dodged a bullet there. Didn't you hear that biological clock ticking?
 
Surfer said:
Had breakup chat...

Pretty much a nightmare tbh. Some of the abuse i deserve i suppose "i am evil" a user, a liar who says all these things (marriage kids etc) and then goes back on my word... (when i didnt say these things :( ) I think the big difference between us was i didnt think we were compatible (oil and water) but i wanted to try and see how it would go because i did love her (maybe as a friend though). I see a relationship as something that develops....but knowing her as a friend and as a partner for me felt very different (for her it is the same and incompatibility does not happen for her...if the man is willing to commit to marriage, kids and living together e.g. making a life together and is decent then thats good enough for her). She laid into me pretty good and perhaps i deserve it...because i have hurt her big time.... 3 1/2 months we were together..

Lost a good friend of 5 years as she has said she wants nothing to do with me :(
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Blimey mate I've had to read all the way back through as it sounds like you basically dated the same girl I did!! :eek:

The web BPD thing was bang on for the girl I was seeing and after 18 months (12 of which she was insisting we sort out somewhere to live by X date) I had to cut her out of my life just to get somewhere with it all.

My only contribution is to keep your chin up and remember that if you don't look out for your self no one else is obliged to (I owe a few mates a lot of drinks for putting up with me with her) so don't feel like you have hurt her, just and look on the positive of doing something good for both your lives.

Nothing worse than being coerced into a relationship on the basis she can just keep making you feel bad...
 
pingwing said:
Blimey mate I've had to read all the way back through as it sounds like you basically dated the same girl I did!! :eek:

The web BPD thing was bang on for the girl I was seeing and after 18 months (12 of which she was insisting we sort out somewhere to live by X date) I had to cut her out of my life just to get somewhere with it all.

My only contribution is to keep your chin up and remember that if you don't look out for your self no one else is obliged to (I owe a few mates a lot of drinks for putting up with me with her) so don't feel like you have hurt her, just and look on the positive of doing something good for both your lives.

Nothing worse than being coerced into a relationship on the basis she can just keep making you feel bad...
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She has been hurt in the past by guys which i know all about because i was her friend at the time so she would confide in me. This has probably been my worst breakup (even worse than 1st) because they are the last person in the world who i would want to hurt..as i know her as a friend really well. But in the long run i really hope she sees it for the best. I guess her biological clock was ticking somewhat (mid 30s) and this couldve made her more desperate i suppose. Doesnt make it any easier. One thing i know about her is her bark is worse than her bite so just have to let her be for now..give her some space. Thanks for the comments...sometimes i doubt myself so seeing an outside perspective helps.
 
Surfer said:
She has been hurt in the past by guys which i know all about because i was her friend at the time so she would confide in me. This has probably been my worst breakup (even worse than 1st) because they are the last person in the world who i would want to hurt..as i know her as a friend really well. But in the long run i really hope she sees it for the best. I guess her biological clock was ticking somewhat (mid 30s) and this couldve made her more desperate i suppose. Doesnt make it any easier. One thing i know about her is her bark is worse than her bite so just have to let her be for now..give her some space. Thanks for the comments...sometimes i doubt myself so seeing an outside perspective helps.
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Don't make excuses for her, you've seen her true colours and how she paints her side of the story? You have done nothing wrong.
 
so last night was something of an eye opener......

met a girl in a club a few weeks back, lots of kissing, I was too drunk to remember much else, but have been trying to set it up to see her again.
last saturday she flaked on me with what seemed like a pretty legit excuse, no cause for concern I thought, and rearranged.

these plans were for last night. she cancelled about half an hour before we were meant to meet, because she's ill. Fair enough I think, and go to the pub with my house mate.

Get there to find her on a date with one of my friends in the same pub.
obviously most of my other friends there were varying shades of supportive, ranging from "you can do better", through "what a ****", all the way to "do you want me to go slap her for you?", but I'm really not too fussed, and the barmaid asked me out ten minutes beforehand, so there's that :D
 
Just got back into a relationship, very happy right now, thought I would never get in one after being such a loner for the last 3 years. Just shows that there is always hope :3
 
Thanks buddy.

It's going to be a long time yet, to be honest being on my own now is the happiest I have ever been!
I used to suffer depression, along with OCD, but everything now seems so much sweeter and have a positive outlook on things too! It will happen when it is time I guess. :D

Actually, my desktop destroyed windows, so maybe not as bright as it could be... :p
 
TrojanWhore said:
so last night was something of an eye opener......

met a girl in a club a few weeks back, lots of kissing, I was too drunk to remember much else, but have been trying to set it up to see her again.
last saturday she flaked on me with what seemed like a pretty legit excuse, no cause for concern I thought, and rearranged.

these plans were for last night. she cancelled about half an hour before we were meant to meet, because she's ill. Fair enough I think, and go to the pub with my house mate.

Get there to find her on a date with one of my friends in the same pub.
obviously most of my other friends there were varying shades of supportive, ranging from "you can do better", through "what a ****", all the way to "do you want me to go slap her for you?", but I'm really not too fussed, and the barmaid asked me out ten minutes beforehand, so there's that :D
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Wow, awkward :p
Did she say anything? That would have been a grand opportunity for some karma right there, right in front of her date... :p
 
Mat said:
Wow, awkward :p
Did she say anything? That would have been a grand opportunity for some karma right there, right in front of her date... :p
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someone gave me a heads up that she was there, and was nervous about how I'd react.
I just walked straight up and said hello, the look on her face as she realised it was me was priceless. I just smiled warmly at her and said "don't worry about it", then turned and walked away. I could have had more fun eeking out the awkwardness, but I would have just looked like a bitter **** after a while.

she tried to excuse it later- "I really am ill, they dragged me out".... "I'm sorry" etc.

no bitterness here, she's just no longer relationship material.
 
arctine said:
The girl who kissed you when you met for the first time in a nightclub turned out not to be relationship material?

I am shocked :p

Better off without mate.
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well, when you put it like that..... :p

we'd been texting a lot since, guess I read a bit much into it, but she seemed cool. And yeah, onto the next one :)
 
Ok guys and girls, been with this girl now for nearly a year and I have a few issues.

1) She refuses to get a proper job, we live together I earn £27k + and she only works 3 days a week taking home £8k a year, she keeps talking of getting a house etc but I can't see it with the current amount of savings/earnings coming in/being generated. She has a degree and would make a excellent teacher but because her mum agrees with me shes refusing to do it. Is there any way of telling her to get a better bloody job nicely as it's not fair that I have to spend all my money supporting the both of us.

2) Shes texting another guy... she has lots of male friends due to the industry that she is currently in and I truly don't mind this but this one guy has openly said he wants to have sex with her and break us up. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to block this guy not take the opportunity to pick up hours in his pub?


sigh, why are relationships hard work..
 
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