Strategies for bringing up children

Our daughter is awesome! Nearly 9 and we never push her academically and she always has done so well in school. Well above her age academically. A natural. School very pleased with her plus she is a fantastic daughter! Love her so so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Zethor said:
Just because you turned out fine (or you think you did), it doesn't mean the method you described was the cause. Violence towards children damages them, there are no exceptions, but how much damage is done depends on other circumstances too. Your family are not poor, correct? If they had been, odds are you would have responded to violence differently and you would have been a completely different person.
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It wasn't violence. Lets not exaggerate the situation. I was smacked for doing something wrong, the less things I did wrong the less smacks I got. Result is I didn't become a spoilt ****.
 
jsmoke said:
That sounds pretty harsh, I do remember getting the slipper quite a lot, don't remember the belt however, this strategy can work, but on the other hand if the child rebels significantly it could go potentially disastrous.

How did it turn out for you?
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no it cant work and its abuse

The best thing for children is to reward positive behaviour by giving them attention. Children need consistency and emotionally available parenting
 
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Love, honesty, respect, fairness, compassion ... etc all the good stuff really :-)
Physical or psychological abuse is the definition of BAD parenting and is not appropriate in ANY situation imho.
 
pepsilol said:
It wasn't violence. Lets not exaggerate the situation. I was smacked for doing something wrong, the less things I did wrong the less smacks I got. Result is I didn't become a spoilt ****.
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If you can do the same without hitting a child then why hit a child?
 
Parenting is the most difficult and challenging job on earth.
It taxes every part of your soul, psyche and conscience.

I grew up in very different times to my son. My Dad went to work, he worked hard. He handled the discipline. My mother looked after us at home, did the caring side of things.

With us now, we both work full time jobs. My lad gets dropped off at nursery at school before 8am. Nursery pick him up at lunch time and he gets picked up at 6pm. We only get to spend an hour and half together as a family in the evening and everyone is tired.

It's the harsh reality of "doing the right thing" in modern times.

He is basically learning about how to be around various different people, on his own in a similar situation as to how you would at work. It's a routine that is built on time keeping and consistency.

Personally, at this stage of his life I just want him to be happy. I reward his good behaviour and achievements but when he is bad \ naughty I point it out at every step and try to explain in a way he can understand why it is wrong.

Certain things me and his Ma disagree on. A kid at school hit him not long ago, I told him to punch back if it happens again.... and when things are calm go and apologise.

I won't hit him if he's bad, instead I encourage a culture of loss & consequence. If he does something I have just told him not to, I take away his toys or whatever it is. If he throws a hissy fit, I punish him for that too. The times after he got punished, he learned to just sit there calmly, we have a hug and if he behaves he gets his toys back.

Every step of the way I explain why things are happening, and he gets it.

He is hard work and mischievous, full of life and energy and kinda bossy to other kids but they like him and they all get on nicely.

Most parents go wrong because they just give in to demands for an easier life. That happened in our house for a few months and you could see how bad things were getting. Put a stop to it.

Kinda monotone how I explained all that, but im the kinda Dad that dresses up like Santa or Batman and makes a complete fool of myself in public to make him laugh and we got to the point where we are buddies.

He is a pretty streetwise and smart kid, builds common sense through exploration. I don't know if he will go on to do something special in the eyes of many but I do know whatever happens he will be looked after. If something happened to me tomorrow, I have enough insurances and policies setup he will want for nothing and be set for adulthood.

My entire existence is now all planned out in preparation of making sure he gets the best chance he can, and if not in life, but in death I can give him a good shot at things.

......now all I need to do is work out how this well working plan goes with my daughther who is due at the end of August. LOL No hair left
 
RDM said:
If you can do the same without hitting a child then why hit a child?
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Don't need to hit a kid. Have you seen what kids get up to? They suffer more pain than most. Always falling on their heads, getting footies kicked at their balls etc

They get use to pain. What they don't get use to is loss and consequence.
 
RDM said:
This cliché gets rolled out so often. I really cant agree with it to be honest.
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It's not a cliche at all.

It is the hardest job going. It spans for the rest of your existence or theirs. It's a commitment that you mould and shape for every single breath while you are on this planet.

You never get a minute off for the rest of your natural living life.

If you don't agree with that, then I hope you are not a parent.
 
cheesyboy said:
As far as possible, we encourage independence, confidence, and promotion of hard work with ours.

That means, allowing them to find their own path, to do things themselves and not baby them more than they need, not overloading them with worries, and praising effort rather than results.
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praising effort rather than results

^^ Haven't read the rest of the thread but basically this. My 19 and 16 year old kids are doing well are uni studying maths and school respectively and are happy and well balanced. You have to praise effort and not results in order to establish the association between... effort and results.(my wife is a senior educational psychologist and talks at length on this point)
 
gEd said:
praising effort rather than results

^^ Haven't read the rest of the thread but basically this. My 19 and 16 year old kids are doing well are uni studying maths and school respectively and are happy and well balanced. You have to praise effort and not results in order to establish the association between... effort and results.(my wife is a senior educational psychologist and talks at length on this point)
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Glad you said that. Always how I think of it. Effort means far more. Not everyone chooses something that will line their pockets.

Effort usually leads to results.
 
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