May 25th.. the day my whole world crumbled

I've already been put off of the idea by the sort of marriage counselling/divorce/legal threads we have on here :p
 
£5k net proceeds from house sale seems a bit low - you sure you're pricing everything up correctly?

Sounds like you don't have much in the way of assets to lose, so the doom-sayers aren't necessarily giving most applicable advice. Worst case would see you handing over maintenance of some sort - can't imagine her being able to claim much for herself, since her career doesn't seem to be suffering, nor her working hours, but paying for you child might crop up, even with 50:50 parenting.
 
shatpank81 said:
"what a sucker"
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Didn't think that at all.

Sounds like her dad is on your side. He's probably just as bemused as you are. He knows his daughter and is probably right she's having a bit of a midlife. If he's loaded then yeah, you don't want to fight him but sounds like you have an ally there so keep on good terms all round.

Nothing worse (from what I've seen) if the parents are after your blood because you've acted poorly in this situation.

Might be useful to get her old man to buy you out the mortgage. Gives them security and shows you're trying to be as helpful as possible.
 
EddScott said:
Didn't think that at all.

Sounds like her dad is on your side. He's probably just as bemused as you are. He knows his daughter and is probably right she's having a bit of a midlife. If he's loaded then yeah, you don't want to fight him but sounds like you have an ally there so keep on good terms all round.

Nothing worse (from what I've seen) if the parents are after your blood because you've acted poorly in this situation.

Might be useful to get her old man to buy you out the mortgage. Gives them security and shows you're trying to be as helpful as possible.
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Keeping the in laws onside will help no end. I'm sure they will try and steer her in the right direction.

Try your hardest to keep them on track.
 
oh my god..

This thread has made me worry so much.. I was worrying about not getting a tracking ref on something then I read this thread. Mate, my heart goes out to you and your family. I'll include you in our prayers. A better future is ahead mate. Live in hope and love your daughter to the limits of your energy.
 
Nows the time to be strong fella, she's already done the hard work in her head, while having it sprung on you like this you are now dealing with the break up/divorce on your own. See a solicitor as soon as you can, and give nothing away to the ex, get everything split evenly.

I divorced in 2003, got fleeced but managed to keep the house which I made a pretty packet on last month, married an amazing woman in 2009 and a have a 2yr old devil of a son. It gets better fella, it may be a long road but it does get better.
 
Of course it is your decision whether or not to have legal representation, but I think it is unwise not to.

Seen it so many times even with my own sister and brother in law where it all starts out as amicable - then the bystanders start filling both your heads with tales of what you can get and how to get it and the pound signs start rolling in your eyeballs. The rumours start and the he said / she said malarky and before you know it, "amicable" is just a distant dream from the past.
 
I assume if youre splitting custody of the kids then she is also giving you half of the child tax credits and half the child benefit?

Also if split custody no maintainance needs to be paid imo.
 
atpbx said:
Divorces like this, it doesn't matter how wealthy relatives are, it's not them that's getting divorced.

You have nothing other than the house and the child to decide upon, he could have an army of solicitors, it's not going to change what the court would usually decide.
By not taking control of the situation you are leaving your self exposed further down the line, listen or don't listen, I and probably others don't honestly care if you do or don't.
But those of us that have been there before are telling you how it plays it out, you either take control and do the things we've said, or you get **** on end of story.
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This is absolutely spot on. Although you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
 
MeatLoaf said:
I assume if youre splitting custody of the kids then she is also giving you half of the child tax credits and half the child benefit?

Also if split custody no maintainance needs to be paid imo.
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Unless the rules have changed then tax credits and benefit are paid to one parent only. That money should stay with the parent with care, the Mother in this case. Any overnight care the Father provides is recognised by the CSA in his calculation.
 
Recently split with my girlfriend of 6 years. Holy **** am I glad we weren't married or had kids.

These sort of threads seem to appear way too often. Not sure if you all really are just a bunch of awkward computer nerds (:p) but these stories really do make you think twice about marriage...
 
soundb0y said:
Recently split with my girlfriend of 6 years. Holy **** am I glad we weren't married or had kids.

These sort of threads seem to appear way too often. Not sure if you all really are just a bunch of awkward computer nerds (:p) but these stories really do make you think twice about marriage...
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Marriage in and of itself isn't bad. The way that a marriage is dissolved in Court when it ends is a different matter however, particularly when children are involved.
 
soundb0y said:
Recently split with my girlfriend of 6 years. Holy **** am I glad we weren't married or had kids.

These sort of threads seem to appear way too often. Not sure if you all really are just a bunch of awkward computer nerds (:p) but these stories really do make you think twice about marriage...
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Think twice, think three times, a hundred times. Marriage itself is a good institution and imo the best one if it works, in which a child (or children) can be brought up in the world with love and affection. In practice however, for many reasons, it does not always go that way. Mind you, the only time you will hear about it on the forums is when things don't work out (kind of like bad GPU drivers, lol) - not for the exceedingly large majority of cases where it does...no one needs to make a "Happy Marriage" thread :p

I think it comes down to one thing and one thing alone - can you and the other person harmonise and work together to achieve a shared, agreed set of goals for the future? If your world-views match then this is an easy one to answer. Just be as sure as you can about the other person basically, look at things from all angles, even the ones you don't like/agree with (parents'/siblings' opinions being a popular example). Always there will be a risk - so you just need to minimise it.
 
Marriage and relationships are not what there cracked up to be.I spent 11 years with someone and we barely got on for half of it. People just get used to a certain way of life and a lot of folk plod along. For me it's better to be on my own. I've been heartbroken a couple times in the past I can't be doing with that again lol
 
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