Guys I need your advice. I've been debating if I should post this or not but I need to talk to someone about it and I'm afraid of being judged by my friends. It's gonna be long winded but I've got to get it out.
I'm 27 my fiance is 25. We've been together 6 years in September, we met in college, I left the year after but we kept in touch, met up and it went from there
He's just so sweet, kind, thoughtful and handsome. He was there for me without question when my Mum died. My Dad has COPD and twice he's been in hospital with pneumonia and I've driven up there to be with hime, come home early hours of the morning for a quick sleep and woken up to find my fiancee cleaning for me downstairs. We're very compatible, love our video games and collecting things. If I had to use a word to describe our relationship I honestly would have picked 'perfect'
My only niggle was that we never went out much. His friend who is in the navy would come home periodically through the year and he would go out with him for a drink. My point would always be "your friend likes going out and so do I, you'll go with him but not me, c'mon lets go for a drink" but he'd always reply that he didn't like going out but it was the only way he'd ever get to see his friend so he did it.
He asked me to marry him Christmas Eve 2013, even went shopping to pick the ring himself I couldn't belive it. We've been saving for a deposit for a house and almost have enough we're just waiting for him to find a permanant job, he's been getting 6month ones so far.
Christmas just gone we went to a party at his friend from his old jobs house. This guy is like 50, married, and other staff memebers were there. He thought a lot of them so I was happy to meet them. We were having a good time and my fiance went to the toilet. The guy hosting came back and said my fiancee was asking for 'wacky baccy' (sp?) outside and I thought he was joking. Fiancee comes back in and says no one had any and yeah he smokes it.
I was so hurt. He knew how I feel about drugs I don't like them, but he feels there's nothing wrong because his mum and his dad smoke weed too. The next day talking about it he said he only ever does it about 3 times a year when he's out with his mate from the navy and their other school friends. I told him how I felt and said that I didn't want him doing drugs anymore and he said okay. After that we were fine.
Not long later he went to a house party, I asked him the next day did he take anything, he said no. Then he said he sniffed some 'poppers' that his friend got from the SPAR. I was fuming! You don't know what's in them, it's going straight to your brain he could have had a reaction and instantly died! He argued the case saying I said no weed, when I know I said no nothing.
Since then it's not been the same, especially these last few weeks. His mate is home from the navy and has bought a house in the next town. For the last two/three weeks he's stayed at my house as usual (Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat night) but he's been going to his mates Mums to help him pack or to hang out. We both went out 3 weeks ago on what I thought was a date evening, went for a meal, few drinks, figured we were going to get merry and get the last train home. Barely 3 hours in he gets a text and tells me we're meeting his friend. I was stunned like "why has he got to be involved in everything I was hoping for some time alone with you" He said "You're always going on about how you want to all hang out together" I said "yes when I know about it beforehand I thought it was just us tonight. Anyway I decided to make the most of it and enjoyed the rest of my night.
Since then he's gone to Alton Towers with him (before the smiler incident!), been to his house numerous times. But last Friday he stayed at his mates, when Friday is normally our night we get junk food and watch Agents of Shield. He normally helps me with my dads shopping on a Saturday but said he had agreed to go to another friends house. I was crying down the phone I just felt like he wasn't willing to make this work, I felt we could only try if we were actually with eachother but it feels like he's avoiding me. He came back here and said that he'd asked one of his friends from school for some weed.
We discussed that he feels like he's changed, he used to wear this hat it was like a comfort blanket or something he was never without it but doesn't wear it anymore. I've sat here in tears with him offering him his half of the savings back, offering the ring back, saying 'sorry but I can't be with someone who takes drugs'
I know there will be people here that don't have a problem with drugs which is fine. I don't know you and don't care if you do them or not but I don't want someone I love to be doing it. I would have thought that he'd pick me over them, am I wrong??
We've had a few talks where it's nearly ended up with us splitting but I don't want that and neither did he. One ended with him crying on my shoulder he said "I'm sorry..." and I thought he was ending it and I let out the same sob as when the nurse told me my Mum had died I just thought 'oh god this is it' but he said "I'll never do it again I'm not going anywhere" and we were good for about 3 days and that was when he went to his friends and asked for weed.
It's come about since then that he doesn't like me telling him what to do. I said I'm not telling you what to wear or eat or who you can hang out with but I don't like drugs. His friend had previously asked him to go to Sziget, a festival in Hungary. Bear in mind I asked him to go to Spain in 2013 and it took months of asking because Spain is too hot, there's nothing to do, it's expensive. So I booked a good hotel, by the theme park so we had stuff to do, all inclusive and it was onlt £400 each. He had said no to this festival before because it's about £1000 for a week. Suddenly now he's going. He said he wants to go and be
****ed all week, smoke all the weed and enjoy himself. I asked him to tell me all the drugs he's ever taken and he said it was just weed and those poppers. I asked would he ever take harder drugs like coke or heroin and all his replies are really "I can't promise you that" It's like he can't control himself or something. I feel like he's reverted and suddenly got immature and rebelling
Last night I asked him what he was doing today and he had no plans. I said I'd call him in the morning to see when he was ready for shopping. He said "because shopping is such a thrilling thing I want to do yeah I see the appeal there" which I thought was incredibly rude! I said it's a bit unfair to only say no to me because you're seeing if you get a better offer. That reply just shocked me it's not like him at all.
I asked him this morning (because he's currently still at his mates) if he was coming back here before we go back to his mates for his housewarming. I was told no and that I would have to make my way there myself and he'd meet me. I was also told there'd be lots and lots of coke there and not the drinking kind. I felt like this was just an attempt to make me not go. I asked what's changed that you want to do these things to yourself and he said he honestly doesn't know but he doesn't feel the same anymore. I asked if I was included in that but he said he's not talking about it over text. Text seems to be the only way I get an answer from him even if it is at least an hour later unless I 'threaten' to ring him. I asked if he'd be taking the coke and he said probably but but he wishes he could say for certain no but is unsure about himself these days.
I feel like this weekend is going to be it for us. I got my waist length hair cut today because I know if it is the end I won't want to leave the house.
Have I done something wrong? Does anyone know why he's acting like this? I really do not want him to end things I love him with all my heart but I can't stand this. I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of broken promises (that's why he doesn't make them because he knows he might not keep them), I'm sick of lies. I'm going to that housewarming tonight, I'm going to enjoy myself LEGALLY and if I see any warning signs from him I'm out of there and I'm calling the police
(told my Dad that and he said I'm just like my Mum lol)
Sorry this is so long guys, just wanted you to have all the info, thank you for reading it and for any advice you have
