Girlfrend not wanting to drive to me anymore !

Aedus said:
No excess baggage for me thanks. If that doesn't make me very mature, so be it, but would never even think about dating a woman with kids, if I don't even know if I want them myself, so I certainly wouldn't want to look after someone else's.
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Do you realise how selfish that sounds? Robocod is right; what if the woman is the love of your life? Would you really give that relationship a miss because she has a child?
 
George Hincapie said:
Or perhaps he just isn't a selfish ****** and he understands what's actually important in life? Just a thought.
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Choosing to date a woman with kids, like much of the worlds male population, makes me a selfish ****? Pray tell, what is the reasoning behind this kindergarten logic? I am selfish for not doing something I don't want to do? it doesn't make sense on any level. You are speaking from irrational knee-jerking emotion, not with any rational logic.

George Hincapie said:
Do you realise how selfish that sounds? Robocod is right; what if the woman is the love of your life? Would you really give that relationship a miss because she has a child?
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Oh God, it gets even stupider. Should a guy date a selection of women who they don't want to date just in case they "might" miss out on the love of their life, when there are tons of single people to choose from who do fit their lifestyle choices?

No-one but you is talking about meeting someone who is the love of their life and then ditching them because they have a kid, we are saying that many of us simply would not date a woman with a kid in the first place.
 
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Richdog said:
Choosing to date a woman with kids, like much of the worlds male population, makes me a selfish ****? Pray tell, what is the reasoning behind this kindergarten logic? I am selfish for not doing something I don't want to do? it doesn't make sense on any level. You are speaking from irrational knee-jerking emotion, not with any rational logic.



Oh God, it gets even stupider. Should a guy date a selection of women who they don't want to date just in case they "might" miss out on the love of their life, when there are tons of single people to choose from who do fit their lifestyle choices?

No-one but you is talking about meeting someone who is the love of their life and then ditching them because they have a kid, we are saying that many of us simply would not date a woman with a kid in the first place.
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*sigh*
 
RoboCod said:
The discussion has led down to a debate about how viable a woman is due to her already having children. I don't understand why. The issue at hand is the way some men look down on women for having kids, as if it's some kind of handle they can use against them. The answer to this, if it's an issue to anyone, is don't date women with children (but perhaps most importantly, stop being a jerk).
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This ^

Read the original post that started this line of debate again. If you agree with it, you're most probably a moron.
 
BuffetSlayer said:
Whilst I am certain there are many loving single parents out there, their main priority is never going to be you so your relationship is always going to have an imbalance. Their priority is always going to be their child (and quite rightly).
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Most parents put their kids first - single or not. I've never met one that doesn't - single or not. I am not saying they don't exist but given the choice parents will always chose their kids over any partner when it comes to priorities.
 
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EddScott said:
Are you saying if you choose to have a relationship with a girl with kids that makes you a white knight?

It's more to do with what drives you to be with someone. If they are a single mum and lurch from one crisis to the next and you have this need to fix them - even though they never will - then that's my understanding of white knight - or broken bird syndrome.

Not all single mums need saving. Some are perfectly capable of managing without a man in their lives. In that situation a so called white knight probably won't stick to the relationship as there's nothing to fix.

It's clearly easier to have a relationship without children being involved but life just isn't like that. Seems a shame to disregard every single mum.
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I'm talking about the Men who refuse to acknowledge that Women with children are going to be less of a catch than one without kids
 
Xordium said:
Most parents put their kids first - single or not. I've never met one that doesn't - single or not. I am not saying they are don't exist but given the choice parents will always chose their kids over any partner when it comes to priorities.
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I hope they would to be honest. I as for me, I say I wouldn't date a women with a child but if I fell for someone who had one, I suppose I would try make it work.
 
Xordium said:
Most parents put their kids first - single or not. I've never met one that doesn't - single or not. I am not saying they are don't exist but given the choice parents will always chose their kids over any partner when it comes to priorities.
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I agree, but I think it is more pronounced whith a parent that already has kid(s) prior to meeting someone. With couples who get together as single people, then get a house, get married and have kids I think the effort in putting the kids first is a joint one whereas when it is a single parent meeting a partner the dynamic is different and very one sided. Afterall, the person coming into that relationship is still a stranger really and cannot be expected to bond with the kid(s) of a partner in the same paternal way they would if the kid(s) were their own. I believe it is possible in time and made a lot more easy if both people already have kid(s) of a similar age.

But for many others that disparity in priorities and the one sided slant it tends to give a relationship is enough for it to fail, but it boils down to the people involved.
 
George Hincapie said:
Do you realise how selfish that sounds? Robocod is right; what if the woman is the love of your life? Would you really give that relationship a miss because she has a child?
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No, they are right. Why should you date with a women with a child if you don't have any of your own? When in todays world there are so many ways you can meet a women without kids.

For me being 31, dating a women with a child is too much hard work, especially if the father of their child is still sniffing round. Limited to what you can do socially, etc. Worse if they are a full time mother so they don't have a job.

I wont be going there again, don't care how fit they are.
 
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BuffetSlayer said:
I agree, but I think it is more pronounced whith a parent that already has kid(s) prior to meeting someone. With couples who get together as single people, then get a house, get married and have kids I think the effort in putting the kids first is a joint one whereas when it is a single parent meeting a partner the dynamic is different and very one sided. Afterall, the person coming into that relationship is still a stranger really and cannot be expected to bond with the kid(s) of a partner in the same paternal way they would if the kid(s) were their own. I believe it is possible in time and made a lot more easy if both people already have kid(s) of a similar age.

But for many others that disparity in priorities and the one sided slant it tends to give a relationship is enough for it to fail, but it boils down to the people involved.
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I agree but I entered my current marriage with kids and my wife accepted them. But then of course I am a handsome devil so you can't blame her really.

malachi said:
For me being 31, dating a women with a child is too much hard work, ...

I wont be going there again, don't care how fit the women is.
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I can predict a thread in ten-years ...
 
Xordium said:
I agree but I entered my current marriage with kids and my wife accepted them. But then of course I am a handsome devil so you can't blame her really.
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Put that trumpet away, you will poke someone in the eye with it :p

Glad it worked out for you. Did your wife also have kids and have you had more children with your wife since marriage?

I absolutely believe it can work. One of my close colleagues got divorced and then remarried a single guy when she already had a young kid. They seem to have made things work well. My sister has done so also, but in her case the guy has a teenage son (her kids are 11 and 7).

But, as we can see from preceding posts many people will not entertain a relationship with a single parent. I tried it for a short time, but to cut a long story short she wasn't really ready for a relationship. Never been interested since, and have now met someone single with no kids and got married.

But never say never!
 
My missus came with two kids included. I know I don't want my own kids. She puts her kids first. I put her kids first. In the remaining time we put each other first. I love it. She loves it. The kids are happy (or as happy as teenagers can be). She would (and did) manage fine on her own. She wanted someone to make her laugh, make a fuss of her from time to time, and to *ahem* make her feel special. I do it.

Looking after children can be very rewarding. Not only can you help them develop but they can help you to find things out about yourself that you may not have otherwise known.

I can understand how younger lads might think that kids preclude a happy relationship but they may be surprised by the reality. I suppose it depends on the mum, the kids, and the eager young swain. I would expect most to change their view if they remain single as they get older. You get over 40 and wonder if you can still catch the eye of a single 25 year old, and if you *should*.
 
George Hincapie said:
Do you realise how selfish that sounds? Robocod is right; what if the woman is the love of your life? Would you really give that relationship a miss because she has a child?
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What if I didn't want to date women of a certain race or body type (obese for example) , and one of said women "was the love of my life"? Does it make me selfish to have a preference of the women I date? It's my preference that I don't want to date women with kids from a previous relationship, so I won't. I don't understand how hard that is to get, I just don't find women with kids attractive, it's a massive turn off for me.
 
malachi said:
Not everyone in the world does or want to have kids :)

But fair play to the men out there who decide to take another man's child on such as adoption etc.
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Very true many don't no harm in that.

But they aren't taking another man's child up for adoption - well I tend to not like to think of it that way - I prefer to think they accepting the person for who they are in entirety.

BuffetSlayer said:
Put that trumpet away, you will poke someone in the eye with it :p

Glad it worked out for you. Did your wife also have kids and have you had more children with your wife since marriage?

I absolutely believe it can work. One of my close colleagues got divorced and then remarried a single guy when she already had a young kid. They seem to have made things work well. My sister has done so also, but in her case the guy has a teenage son (her kids are 11 and 7).

But, as we can see from preceding posts many people will not entertain a relationship with a single parent. I tried it for a short time, but to cut a long story short she wasn't really ready for a relationship. Never been interested since, and have now met someone single with no kids and got married.

But never say never!
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I'll let you into a little secret I am not a handsome devil really!

No, she didn't but yes we have had 2 since.

I agree it adds complications but then so does everything eh. I'd prefer a more mature woman with children over some air-head who hasn't got a clue about anything "real". Not that I am saying people fall exclusively into those camps with those circumstances. We all have our preferences. For example, I've never dated or had a fling with a blonde or ginger. I only like brunettes.
 
Scam said:
Glad it's not just me that thought the OP is being lazy...

She didn't articulate herself well by saying she needs a man to drive her around, but at the end of the day the OP is essentially sitting on his ass waiting for her to drive 30mins to his every weekend. If he doesn't want a car then he should be happy enough to take public transport.

Sounds like the OP is not that into her to be honest..
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:)
 
EddScott said:
Are you able to accept this may not always be the case?
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So you're saying a Woman with kids to another guy, who could still sniffing around and who may or may not be paying anything towards the kid/s, could be better than the same Woman who has no children? No I don't think raising another Man's child could ever be a positive
 
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