The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

dave1983 said:
She's been single since November so this is nothing new btw, I just asked whether we are still single or together based on the fact she wants to move in, she said "still single for now until we sit down and sort everything out".

I am abit old fashioned you either together or your not, the whole Christmas thing has nothing to do with it, but she wants to get Christmas out of the way.

I am guessing so it doesn't spoil Christmas, she's not really into going out and pulling guys but then I don't know if she has someone on the side.

TBH I have not really asked her if she's been dating as it's none of my business but then I would want to know what I am getting into before making any commitment.
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I was in a similar situation with a woman about 3 years ago. Albeit she was living with me... We were together and then split up but she stayed living with me. Although she obviously wasn't bringing anyone back I knew things were happening and it was quite possibly the worst time of my life. :( I honestly think I was actually depressed for the first time in my life and it didn't really stop until she moved out...

She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. Who moves in together and then see if they are compatible?! I'm not sure if its relevant but the lady I am referring to would take anything you would give her but wouldn't feel obliged to give anything back as in her words, well if you want to do things for me I'm not going to stop you. Which pretty much summed her up in a nutshell.

Anyway, fast forward to the end of 2015 and I now own a house with my wife and 6 week old boy and the happiest I've ever been. :) What I will say is that going through those emotional times although tough certainly make you more resilient, better and stronger when you come out the other side. And you know what you then want from life and love. So in a way the crazy lady did me a favour. lol
 
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KiNgPiN83 said:
I was in a similar situation with a woman about 3 years ago. Albeit she was living with me... We were together and then split up but she stayed living with me. Although she obviously wasn't bringing anyone back I knew things were happening and it was quite possibly the worst time of my life. :( I honestly think I was actually depressed for the first time in my life and it didn't really stop until she moved out...

She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. Who moves in together and then see if they are compatible?! I'm not sure if its relevant but the lady I am referring to would take anything you would give her but wouldn't feel obliged to give anything back as in her words, well if you want to do things for me I'm not going to stop you. Which pretty much summed her up in a nutshell.

Anyway, fast forward to the end of 2015 and I'm now own a house with my wife and 6 week old boy and the happiest I've ever been. :) What I will say is that going through those emotional times although tough certainly make you more resilient, better and stronger when you come out the other side. And you know what you then want from life and love. So in a way the crazy lady did me a favour. lol
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This is true. I can say exactly the same thing about a previous relationship of mine. It taught me valuable lessons about relationships.
 
You don't want to be one of those crazy people who are ex partners and still live together.

Not only does it show lack of independence but also shows you don't have the ability to move on. Which would be a turn off for any person you want to start a new relationship with.
 
Tonight I am cooking for date.

Hopefully I haven't gone ott, I have also gotten a small present (I'm sure she won't have gotten me anything)

I just hope she takes it all as sweet rather than needy
It will completely depend on how she feels. Towards me I guess.

It's 6th date so thought it wasn't too over the top.
 
KiNgPiN83 said:
I was in a similar situation with a woman about 3 years ago. Albeit she was living with me... We were together and then split up but she stayed living with me. Although she obviously wasn't bringing anyone back I knew things were happening and it was quite possibly the worst time of my life. :( I honestly think I was actually depressed for the first time in my life and it didn't really stop until she moved out...
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Christ, that sounds like hell.
 
Nix said:
Christ, that sounds like hell.
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To be honest being the never ending super hero complex type doormat guy I was then I let her stay until she moved to her own place. She didn't have brilliant relations with her family (Surprise surprise) and had 'nowhere' to go. I probably would've beat myself up about the situation either way but it was horrendous and I wouldn't recommend it.

My wife turned out to be a lady who works in the same building as me and had done for around 10 years. Our respective terrible relationships ended around the same time, we got chatting and the rest is history. The funny thing is before I got to know her I probably wouldn't have thought we'd have been as compatible as we are. :)
 
KiNgPiN83 said:
I was in a similar situation with a woman about 3 years ago. Albeit she was living with me... We were together and then split up but she stayed living with me. Although she obviously wasn't bringing anyone back I knew things were happening and it was quite possibly the worst time of my life. :( I honestly think I was actually depressed for the first time in my life and it didn't really stop until she moved out...

She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. Who moves in together and then see if they are compatible?! I'm not sure if its relevant but the lady I am referring to would take anything you would give her but wouldn't feel obliged to give anything back as in her words, well if you want to do things for me I'm not going to stop you. Which pretty much summed her up in a nutshell.

Anyway, fast forward to the end of 2015 and I now own a house with my wife and 6 week old boy and the happiest I've ever been. :) What I will say is that going through those emotional times although tough certainly make you more resilient, better and stronger when you come out the other side. And you know what you then want from life and love. So in a way the crazy lady did me a favour. lol
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That sounds like hell, I think the situation backfired with my ex wife, she was expecting her parents house to be luxury but it's actually a living hell compared to when we were living together.

She now become a maid at her parents, paying £100 every 2 weeks for shopping,her sister has a guy stay over whos 17 and they have only being going out for 2 weeks, she lives in a small bedroom with 2 kids it hasn't worked out for her at all.

and because I have been responsible father and paid allowance, and it's only me and my parents I don't get any of the drama she does, she has to cook 6 separate meals do all their washing.

I think she regrets the whole thing, at first she thought the gigs (Grass is greener syndrome) is not what all expect it to be and expected all the guys to come running when actual fact nobody did.

She's been opening up to me a lot more about her issues at home, iv'e been the one dating and enjoying life, she is scared that I may not want her as a relationship material and I told her that last night she said " I am on edge about our talk on Monday" in the last 3 months I have never heard her say that.
 
She wants to get out of a poor situation of her own making, and sees you as being the easy way out. Don't mistake that for her loving you and not wanting to be single. She'll still be on the lookout for her way out and the next bloke who comes along who can give her a way out.
 
So I chinned the crazy one off. She then sent me like 5 messages in a row.

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S2KIP said:
So I chinned the crazy one off. She then sent me like 5 messages in a row.
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She sounds like she just needed to tell you the things in her head to get some closure. At least she's being nice about it, instead of just blaming it all on you as so many rejected woman do, instead of looking in the mirror or just admitting you were not compatible with each other.
 
True. I don't know why, but I feel bad about it. It's happened a few times now, I date someone, sleep with them, then I get bored and get rid of them. It's also to do with the fact that I notice things or behavior that will ultimately annoy me down the line. Perhaps I'm expecting too much but I want to fall head over heels within a few dates.
 
S2KIP said:
I posted a few pages back, she's the one 'who wanted to be treated like a princess' after we argued over desert on a date. I ditched her the next day but she pleaded for another chance so I gave it to her.
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Aaah. Sorry, I did read it, but got confused with someone else.

You are better off out of that one. Judging by her text, she had a lot of other issues going on.

Merry Christmas :D
 
S2KIP said:
True. I don't know why, but I feel bad about it. It's happened a few times now, I date someone, sleep with them, then I get bored and get rid of them. It's also to do with the fact that I notice things or behavior that will ultimately annoy me down the line. Perhaps I'm expecting too much but I want to fall head over heels within a few dates.
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that's what dating is

Kamerad said:
That text message doesn't seem that crazy.
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and that
 
S2KIP said:
True. I don't know why, but I feel bad about it. It's happened a few times now, I date someone, sleep with them, then I get bored and get rid of them. It's also to do with the fact that I notice things or behavior that will ultimately annoy me down the line. Perhaps I'm expecting too much but I want to fall head over heels within a few dates.
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Sounds like you've got a case of Disney Princess Syndrome. If even if you get hit by "the thunderbolt", you still need to get to know someone, build a relationship, and find out if you can make each other happy. That knowledge can't be found in a few days, all you can do is find out she isn't going to fulfil that role and move on. Finding the love of your life is rarely done in a few days. Life isn't some continuous ecstatic love in, because we all live in the real world, not some fantasy romance.

It may be difficult for you to fall head over heels in love because if someone isn't perfect in the first few days, you'll bin them and move on, never getting a chance to know someone because you're always looking for the next person down the line.
 
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Stolly said:
Hmmm lots of alpha male sentiment in the last posts .... Is the modern woman really wanting to know her place and let the man do the "leading" ????

Should relationships be more about finding an equal partner ???
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The term Alpha Male is related to a group of people, not a couple. I never said women should "know their place", that's a really negative term and none of this is about being sexist and suggesting women can't perform roles.

However modern women are attracted to exactly the same things that women of 10,000 years ago were. Women will always be attracted to strong masculine men because they are more likely to be able to protect them and their offspring, in the same way we're attracted to women who have strong signs of fertility like big hips and breasts and who have caring feminine personalities, which would mean they'd make good mothers. It's just basic biology.

Being equal partners doesn't mean you have to perform the same roles. My girlfriend expects me to carry heavy things, install new appliances/electronics and do the things that I'm more physically capable of doing than her. Where as she's more meticulous when it comes to things like cleaning the bathroom and kitchen appliances. Equal=/=same
 
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