The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[tom_e]

If that's how it goes down then I definitely made the right decision

Again, thanks for your advice

Very fast update
After a text asking why I'm not talking as much and me replying how she said I should move on I was then sent many texts saying she was angry and upset at how I was moving on. Why is it okay that she gets to keep me waiting in limbo but I'm unable to make any action with royally angering her? She claims she's happy to be friends but as soon as I start to move she hates it and I'm being too blasé about it

And there's the emotional blackmail!!! Follow your own advice young padawan

 

[Hades]

As pointed out a few posts above, she is looking for validation. When you tell her your're moving on with your life she's angry that you won't give her that validation.

Move on. She's only going to cause you pain.

 

[TechMinerUK]

And there's the emotional blackmail!!! Follow your own advice young padawan

As pointed out a few posts above, she is looking for validation. When you tell her your're moving on with your life she's angry that you won't give her that validation.
Move on. She's only going to cause you pain.

Yep, you guys are right as she just sent a text saying she's sorry. I'm not responding anymore as it's not worth it

 

[inferno]

I've got a friend who constantly tells me how much she wants it and she thinks I'm attractive but she would never ever get with me because we are friends and it would be 'weird' even though she thinks I would be good in bed!

I've told her straight out that I want to get with her and she shot me down yet she continues to bring up the fact that she misses me and still continues to talk to me in a mildly sexual way. Last week she sent me a picture of her butt asking me if I think it looks good. Is she just seeking attention over whatsapp or am I reading too much into it? :/

 

[tom_e]

I've got a friend who constantly tells me how much she wants it and she thinks I'm attractive but she would never ever get with me because we are friends and it would be 'weird' even though she thinks I would be good in bed!

I've told her straight out that I want to get with her and she shot me down yet she continues to bring up the fact that she misses me and still continues to talk to me in a mildly sexual way. Last week she sent me a picture of her butt asking me if I think it looks good. Is she just seeking attention over whatsapp or am I reading too much into it? :/

She's using you to feel wanted, you've shown your hand she knows you want her she's enjoying knowing she's teasing you.

 

[inferno]

She's using you to feel wanted, you've shown your hand she knows you want her she's enjoying knowing she's teasing you.

Thanks, I'll cancel going over to her apartment on the night she wants to get wasted on, can't really see it leading to anything if I'm entirely honest with myself.

 

[TechMinerUK]

Thanks, I'll cancel going over to her apartment on the night she wants to get wasted on, can't really see it leading to anything if I'm entirely honest with myself.

Sounds like your in a similar situation to me based on your comment

 

[Ayahuasca]

I've got a friend who constantly tells me how much she wants it and she thinks I'm attractive but she would never ever get with me because we are friends and it would be 'weird' even though she thinks I would be good in bed!

I've told her straight out that I want to get with her and she shot me down yet she continues to bring up the fact that she misses me and still continues to talk to me in a mildly sexual way. Last week she sent me a picture of her butt asking me if I think it looks good. Is she just seeking attention over whatsapp or am I reading too much into it? :/

These are the worst types of women, utter rotters who play with people's emotions for the slightest bit of attention, don't feed into it, they'll be ****** once they're post wall and no one gives them any attention anymore.

You do not want to be stuck in a long-term relationship with someone like that, they're the ones with the highest probability of cheating on you. Attention from 1 Male simply doesn't cut it for them.

 

[Tosno]

Some good advice in here for a change

Tech miner you need to mine your inner Alpha, do not play female games, or you will mine only fools gold. Set your boundaries, if she don't like it, she can go away.

 

[TechMinerUK]

Some good advice in here for a change
Tech miner you need to mine your inner Alpha, do not play female games, or you will mine only fools gold. Set your boundaries, if she don't like it, she can go away.

I know you're right but it is difficult, never really been an alpha to be honest and I'm not the most conventional "outgoing" person but I guess I need to build up some confidence and go out into the field.
Doesn't help that I'm new to this and relatively young (I suppose it means lots of time to make mistakes)

 

[malachi]

I heard a saying once.......

Ugly people seek validation, beautiful people do not.

Take note guys !

 

[Threepwood]

Honestly you should have banged her when she wanted banging in the first place.

Your only hope now is to go and give her an alpha bang.

She doesn't want to think about relationships or your feelings or all that balls right now. All she wants is some lush sex from someone who is not going to become a big girl about everything.

Go to her. Look into her eyes and say,

"look. I don't want a relationship either.. but I must say"
*keep looking at her eyes*
"you really are very attractive...So"
*pause, look away (but only slightly), look back*
"you know.."
*move a little closer, you are allowed to look briefly at her lips and back to her eyes*
"we could just"
*pause, slight glance at her bosom, slowly move back to the eyes but linger around her neck on the way*
"Bang."

~~~~~~

You will now be in a kind of limbo between getting banged or not getting banged. Do not sweat it. Everything will be good. Take your que from her. You will know what to do. Cracking a mild joke could be the saviour if you are still in 50/50 bang/no bang land after what may feel like several lifetimes, but is actually only a moment.

~~~~~~

"I mean, we are adults, right?"
*Begin to reach for the embrace, we are aiming for one hand on the upper hip here, the other hand should be nearing her face, ending somewhere between the bottom of her ear and her neck*

You are close to the bang, kiss her, then bang each other.

There. You are now both happy after finally banging. Great! Well done you, we all knew you had it in you!

~~~~~~

Remember. If you want to carry on banging her, do not get all clingy. You don't want a relationship (remember?) so go practise banging other bangables... She will let you know when she wants banging from now on in. As soon as there is any emotinal shizz coming from her after not banging for a while, that is the clue I would look for.



Ah. My work here is done, but remember the true lesson here is - always bang them when they want banging the first time around.

 

[Tosno]

I know you're right but it is difficult, never really been an alpha to be honest and I'm not the most conventional "outgoing" person but I guess I need to build up some confidence and go out into the field.
Doesn't help that I'm new to this and relatively young (I suppose it means lots of time to make mistakes)

It is difficult at first but no short term pain no long term gain, women need attention more than men need sex. You have to fake it until you make it. Women are nothing special to get anxious about. Be cold, don't throw out compliments and be mysterious.

 

[This never ends well]

As threepwood says, either **** her or walk away, the girl is crazier, i wouldn't put it pass her that she doing this to other people aswell.

Get yourself a good profile on tinder/pof/bumble/okcupid, share it in here isf you need any help on it, im sure some people would help on here.

 

[inferno]

Another situation with a girl I don't understand is one that I got with a year ago, when we are together we get on so well, but after that incident she completely ignored me, randomly bumped into each other a year later and spent the day together and we're very touchy feely, hugging and she mentioned about us dating, she kept in contact a few days later much to my surprise calling me, invited herself over to my apartment one evening and we made out, then proceeded to ignore me for a few days then I get a message out of the blue stating that she never wants to see or hear from me ever again as a girl she worked with had randomly mentioned my name and shown her pictures of me (!!) during her birthday celebrations and said that I had been trying to date her. I initially thought this was a good thing and recoverable because it at least meant she had feelings about me, which I never suspected she did because she flat out ignored me, she told me over the phone it ruined her day and put her in a bad mood.

Now she doesn't reply to me at all, I can understand how it could have upset her but we were not going out or in a relationship of any sort or really even keeping in touch much so I don't believe I'm in the wrong. It's a shame because I did like said girl but I think it's a little harsh to blast me over talking to another girl when we were not even in touch. This is of course a guys view and a girls take on it may be very different?!

 

[Tosno]

Red flag, manic depression, don't waste your time.

Plus you can see all the girls you want until you are exclusive, cray cray is making you instant beta if you change your behaviour.

 

[Tefal]

Jesus christ people make **** complicated. (And this is comming from a guy whos sex life makes game of thrones seem simple)

Just tell her you dont want a relatio ship but since you both fancy each other may as well be friends with benifits and work out the frustration.

If she says no be cool carry on as friends (unless the only reason your friends is cause you hope you would get a shag in which case vut her out of your life)

If she says yes have sex and carry on as friends

 

[Hades]

Red flag, manic depression, don't waste your time.

Why does everyone have depression now? In my day we got upset, got drunk, moved on and just got on with life.

I heard a saying once.......

Ugly people seek validation, beautiful people do not.

Take note guys !

I think beautiful people seek just as much validation. Often more so because they are used to getting it. When it disappears it's a shock to them.

 

[Steampunk]

Now she doesn't reply to me at all, I can understand how it could have upset her but we were not going out or in a relationship of any sort or really even keeping in touch much so I don't believe I'm in the wrong. It's a shame because I did like said girl but I think it's a little harsh to blast me over talking to another girl when we were not even in touch. This is of course a guys view and a girls take on it may be very different?!

Another drama queen! She's not in a relationship with you, she's got no rights over what you do, who you see, where you go. If she's like this now, what would she be like if she was your girlfriend? A nightmare.

It's simple thing - she thinks she's more important than you, so everything in the relationship (thin as it is) should be about her, and how you have to make her happy. You don't want to get involved with someone who puts herself before you, and then blames everything on you when it's not to her every whim.

Move on, find someone who wants to make you happy as much as you want to make them happy. Someone who matters to you and thinks you matter to them.

 

[Tefal]

Just to point out manic depression is like 2 mood swings a year.

Not every week.

These people arent manic depressives theyre just drama queens