you're posting in a thread where someone pretending to be of a different sex literally was judged to have committed rape
I doubt the woman in the case in this thread ever actually posed the question 'are you a man?'. The rapist was a trans person pretending to be a man and as you can see they were found guilty. Likewise in a dark room someone sleeping with another person pretending to be their partner isn't likely to be asked 'are you my partner'. That doesn't stop the deception/rape from occurring - you're being a rape apologist by trying that angle.
do you think that if she'd got a fake penis added through surgery instead of wearing a strap on then that somehow fundamentally changes the principle here?
overall perhaps you need to learn the definition of rape (which includes rape by deception) as you are ironically, in this instance, a rape apologist!