Relationship advice

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Neil79 said:
But today I'm even more disappointed, even though she said if it was ok, she's gone out with an old male friend she's known for years for dinner.
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If its purely platonic then meh :) there's nothing worrying in having friends of the opposite sex, but I guess that counts on how honest she has been in her conversations about said bloke.
changes in mood would send my spider senses tingling though :confused:
 
I go out for dinner with one of my female friends regularly and it doesn't bother her boyfriend at all. We've been best mates since we were teenagers and there's nothing more than platonic friendship there.

Just saying that while this isn't that common, it's not beyond being believable.
 
Tosno said:
You're not getting it, the other male is probably Alpha (unless he paid for the meal) because women cheat with Alpha's or at least Beta+ (if he paid for the meal) beta to beta makes no sense, that's just gamma.
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I'm not sure if we're breaking the 4th wall here but I like it all the same.
 
Neil79 said:
In actual fact I've been the one that has been as strong as possible all the way through, as I said I can't really post everything that happened here. It was a sudden mood swing change though, a bit like PMT but much worse. You just have to trust me on this, this one was out of my hands to cause the argument, even my family are like WTF

Thanks for the replies buddy!
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The extreme mood swing is a real issue.

Her having dinner with an old friend isn't. Even in high society in Victorian England (i.e. an extremely gendered society) people had friends who weren't the same sex as them.
 
Angilion said:
Her having dinner with an old friend isn't. Even in high society in Victorian England (i.e. an extremely gendered society) people had friends who weren't the same sex as them.
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Hades said:
Wouldn't bother me if my wife went out with a male friend for dinner. I don't own her.
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Both true when taken at face value, but in the context of sudden mood swings and arguments, she's probably looking to swap Neil79 out for her 'old male friend' would be my cynical guess.
 
Participant said:
Both true when taken at face value, but in the context of sudden mood swings and arguments, she's probably looking to swap Neil79 out for her 'old male friend' would be my cynical guess.
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To me it seems more likely that she's on her time of the month and Neil has managed to say something hurtful without even realising it. As I said before, it can be a minefield for many at the best of times, nevermind having to contend with the effects of having Aspergers too.
 
we don't understand enough about what she said/did or the context behind it to make an assessment.

There's a big difference between "This morning I woke up and decided I hate your face" to "you have a tiny pecker and you don't satisfy me much I think" etc

However as others have said, the lost art of communication usually works wonders. Be simple, polite and firm (not weak or apologetic - women can't stand this behaviour and men don't seem to get it. Only apologise if you've genuinely done something wrong).

Ask what that episode was about, ask if she's still comfortable being in the relationship and happy to spend her time with you. Don't bring up the dinner with the other guy - it's just weak and makes you look like you're jealous and/or competing with him.

You need to show that you're strong and that even though you love her you are willing to let go and move on. Don't be arrogant about it, just be firm and polite and honest. If you get a favourable response back from her and you haven't done anything genuinely wrong, she hopefully will realise that there are games you won't play and thresholds she can't cross without losing you. If you don't get a favourable response or she does cross them again, then she's a loser and so not worth any time stressing over.
 
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Ayahuasca said:
I know it's difficult with Aspergers but you need to be prepared to ask questions in a relationship you might not like the answer to, better to find out now than to drag things out.
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But he will not pick up an the correct queues to know when and what to ask (no offence op) I'd suggest not trying to read anything much into what you think is going on, try and be yourself and go with the flow..

If the relationship is not working for her she will eventually split up with you, accusing her of x y or Z especially in the early days is not going to help matters..

This would usually be the wrong advice but (no offence again op) a lot of the ops mental aptitude (if that's the right word) are directed into areas other than interpersonal relationships..

If it gets to the point you don't enjoy being with her dump her (but not on a whim give it some time)
 
tom_e said:
This place has some worryingly toxic views on women/relationships.
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It's the same in every OcUK relationship thread. They all follow the same formula - take OP story at 100% face value, apportion blame 100% to irrational and crazy female, suggest increasingly silly/extreme/life changing solutions under assumption that obviously it's all her fault.
 
[TW]Fox;30182404 said:
It's the same in every OcUK relationship thread. They all follow the same formula - take OP story at 100% face value, apportion blame 100% to irrational and crazy female, suggest increasingly silly/extreme/life changing solutions under assumption that obviously it's all her fault.
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Indeed and any suggestion to the contrary is met with complete disdain. It's almost like a jury of KKK members in a court trialing a black offender.
 
So girl has a bad day and gets a bit snappy with you, girl then proceeds to be fine the next day while being all hug and cuddly.

Girl then asks if its ok to see an old friend whose a male.

She sounds like a monster, burn her!
 
Not being funny but it amazes me how may men worry about their partner going out with a male friend.

Surely man up and if you make her happy you have nothing worry about.

My ex used to tell me she was meeting up with one of her close friends who was male, she used to text me while out and let me know when she got home or was coming back mine.

I never asked her to do it she just felt it was the right thing, I also never stopped her seeing her mate who had been around far longer than I had and probably still is now. If she cheated I never found out so it had no effect on me.

Generally if they're open about who they are out with then you have nothing worry about.
 
at the end of the day you can't read minds so you should actually talk to her and tell her everything you've said here.
communication is the key to relationships - explain how you feel and why you feel it - if she isn't mature enough to have an adult conversation about feelings then the relationship isn't going anywhere.
 
[TW]Fox;30182404 said:
It's the same in every OcUK relationship thread. They all follow the same formula - take OP story at 100% face value, apportion blame 100% to irrational and crazy female, suggest increasingly silly/extreme/life changing solutions under assumption that obviously it's all her fault.
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I'm not quite sure why gender is even being brought into this, if anything you and tom_e are the ones who appear to have the issues by bringing it into the conversation.

1. There are two people attending this intimate dinner, one is male, the other is female.

2. I'm sure most people's advice would be the same if the OP had been a woman asking about a male partner.

Carry on white knighting though.
 
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