I've broken my life.

Sounds like he just doesn't want the wife and kids thing at all to me.
So he's always going to be looking for a reason for it not to work.
IMO kids are interested in stability, everything else is just fluff .

So yeah OP should probably just leave, he doesn't seem particularly devastated or worried about the situation.

In fact if anything he seems to be revelling in it.
 
Life is too short for unhappiness, the idea of staying with your missus for the sake of your kids is a terrible idea. However, if you are going to leave for good you need to decide on a plausible plan of action that meets everyones needs and allows you all to continue enjoying life.

Be prepared to miss everything and everyone during the bad days or lonely days, but constantly changing your tune isn't fair. Accept the consequences of your actions and realise it's for the greater good.
 
Steveocee said:
Quite a few things in this thread have cropped up continuously.

Yes I have been a doormat
Yes I have obliterated my life
Yes I was wrong to continue having children with my ex
Yes I was wrong to move the MiL in

It's given a mass opinion to what I was already thinking to myself. there have been some funny and interesting responses.

Thank you to the people who gave positive and cheerful responses also.

I put it to her about her mother moving out and this went as expected but I feel there was acceptance it will happen either way and whilst both I and the ex are quite aware I can walk back in at any point, I don't think this would be a good thing for the children to see or go through.

For now I'm still at my mums, I've been given until Friday to decide if I want to go back and try again or call it completely quits. If it's complete quits then I have no idea how it would proceed.
If I went back and we tried to make it work technically I wouldnt go back as she is asking me to stay at my mums and go to both relationship counselling and a doctor myself to be checked for depression.

I'm not sure if I'm depressed or more relieved to be out of the situation right now.
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First things first you're obviously not thinking straight... relieved is certainly not how you should be feeling right now. You're living in a dreamland mate, you're staring down the barrel of living at your mums while your ex, her mum and YOUR children ar living in the house YOU are paying for and will be for the foreseeable future.... you feel relieved now... how about when your ex starts having a new fella round your house and your kids while you're trying to trying to do the same living with your mum. Seriously mate things ain't gonna get any better for you, pull your head out of your **** you either make it work on your terms without the MiL living there as of this Friday. Or you go back home tonight, kick the MiL and tell your ex she's staying in the MiLs old room. Please don't make it easy for her, you'll regret it, just think of paying that mortgage for some other bloke to be sleeping in your bed. Grow a pair.

If you think you're depressed go to the dodctors regardless it's not something to mess about with, and I hate to say it if you're feeling less than perfect now you're in for the slap of your life mate.
 
MeEsH BaKkA said:
First things first you're obviously not thinking straight... relieved is certainly not how you should be feeling right now. You're living in a dreamland mate, you're staring down the barrel of living at your mums while your ex, her mum and YOUR children ar living in the house YOU are paying for and will be for the foreseeable future.... you feel relieved now... how about when your ex starts having a new fella round your house and your kids while you're trying to trying to do the same living with your mum. Seriously mate things ain't gonna get any better for you, pull your head out of your **** you either make it work on your terms without the MiL living there as of this Friday. Or you go back home tonight, kick the MiL and tell your ex she's staying in the MiLs old room. Please don't make it easy for her, you'll regret it, just think of paying that mortgage for some other bloke to be sleeping in your bed. Grow a pair.

If you think you're depressed go to the dodctors regardless it's not something to mess about with, and I hate to say it if you're feeling less than perfect now you're in for the slap of your life mate.
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At the same time he has 3 kids and a pregnant wife... he can't be too immediately harsh on her when he is the one who has essentially caused this situation of his own volition. He needs to make sure she is in comfort and has reasonable time to find alternative arrangements, while ensuring that his assets remain his.

MIL of course needs to go, but also needs to be handled delicately, he can't make her homeless at the drop of a hat. The proper arrangements all need to be made.
 
Steveocee said:
For now I'm still at my mums, I've been given until Friday to decide if I want to go back and try again or call it completely quits. If it's complete quits then I have no idea how it would proceed.
If I went back and we tried to make it work technically I wouldnt go back as she is asking me to stay at my mums and go to both relationship counselling and a doctor myself to be checked for depression.

I'm not sure if I'm depressed or more relieved to be out of the situation right now.
Click to expand...

Given how you describe how you feel, moving back home regardless isn't a good idea. The idea of a relationship councillor "making" that spark reignite isn't what a councillor is about. You earlier made a list of a few things that bothered you for sometime and never talked about, well that's what a relationship councillor is for. They work by you (and your partner/ex) talking about the things that affect the relationship that you have found difficult talking about before or perhaps were unable too. This may not work for you but maybe if you see it as a chance to get things out in the open maybe, just maybe some common ground can be found and things can improve, if they can't, at least you can tell yourself you tried.

With the depression you describe, if this is only as a result of these events then you're not depressed, this usually occurs when you've been unhappy for a long period of time and only then you should seek a doctor who will probably offer you some Cognitive Behaviour counselling.

Richdog said:
I have zero sympathy for that level of irresponsibility.
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I'm sure the OP is devastated.
 
Richdog said:
At the same time he has 3 kids and a pregnant wife... he can't be too immediately harsh on her when he is the one who has essentially caused this situation of his own volition. He needs to make sure she is in comfort and has reasonable time to find alternative arrangements, while ensuring that his assets remain his.

MIL of course needs to go, but also needs to be handled delicately, he can't make her homeless at the drop of a hat. The proper arrangements all need to be made.
Click to expand...

His ex is dishing out ultimatums and making him stay at his mums while her own mum is living in her house...

The MiL must have friends or family somewhere she can stay with or the very least some money seeing as she's lived rent free, she can move into a hotel etc...

His pregnant wife however, I agree should be kept comfortable but not to the extent she has been there is nothing wrong in staying in the MiLs old room and the children shouldn't know any different. Yes this is of his own doing and I have little sympathy but he is currently being taken advantage of BADLY it sounds like her and her mum have had more than their fair share of hospitality. She has absolutely no issues of telling him to live at his mums, straight away for me that would be MiL out as of now and ex in her room, cut off the money she can get Benifits, and spend that money saved of your kids for Christmas as this is going to be just as a crap time for them too.
 
think ya having a bit of a mid life wacky moment combined with some low feels and frustrations.

im not going to pretend I have the answers for you, but I will say, this is the mother of your children and unborn children, surely you knew after your first kid its not going to be easy and ya wont be having sexy time every thursday at 9pm like you used to.
Having the MiL there with you cannot be easy and I would not stand for it (hate my MiL), but you need to speak to your wife and figure out a way forward.

Your wife will be there to listen to you and to help, but you have to be open, honest and want to help make the changes.

Basically, stop being a moody teenager, have a real chat with your wife and put some plans in to place to help lift some frustrations off of your head, so you can care for your wife who is about to pop out another kid of yours.

When you have a wife and kids buddy, its not the time to be selfish, especially while they are young, you have created them and you now need to help them grow and mold them in to wonderful people.
 
I'm surprised there is as much understanding and sympathy for you. 3 kids and 1 on the way and you seem to be acting like a fresh out of school kid. Seriously do the best for your family. Perhaps when they are older move on if its not right between you and the Mrs.

The only thing that would make me think any different is if the relationship in the house in front of the kids is not nice, Lots of arguing etc. Then you start to think everyone might be better off apart.
 
The wife could be a monster and the mother in law a harpy - I have no idea and I doubt anyone reading this thread can honestly say they do either.

I do know though you make yourself happy and mostly within your own head. If you're down and miserable don't go making life changing decisions to 'fix' your state of mind. Think back to what previous generations did - get a hobby, an allotment or even a shed to potter in.

Once your mind is clear and your temperament more stable - then you can tackle the life stuff.

Saying "I'm sad, lets change everything about my life in-case it makes it better" is a bit of a gamble, and likely the wrong one.
 
Steveocee said:
I've once again made a huge mess of my life and need to vent it somewhere so what better than the uninterested public of OCUK?

I'm 29, Mrs/Ex is 30 we have 3 children and 1 on the way. I have a mortgage for the house which is in my name only and I pay all of the bills (every single one). Her mother lives with us and I also divvy up the leftover cash pot as spending money for all.

3 months ago I revealed to her that I no longer felt in love with her and this led to me having to move back to my mums house into the box room.

I then went on to meet another lady whom I spent some time with but was constantly feeling like I was missing my children, I messaged said ex and went back to her and the children thinking that is what the hole in my life was.

I've now been back for 3 weeks and have had the same feelings for at least 2 weeks and have let her know that although I once again have my house back, the kids back, I just have an empty hole inside me which is not being filled with that guey romantic I'm in love feelings.

Now I'm once again being asked to leave my house, having to try and find a flat locally to my work and just genuinely feeling quite sorry for myself.

What have I done?
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Forgot God?
Maybe no one has those lovey dovey feelings all the time as we mature together in a long term commitment and deeper feelings ensue.
Maybe we are just dirty buggers getting tricked out of true love by our penis?

Maybe we are not beings created in Gods image, hey to hell with the consequences then, "do what thou wilt" then. As one man once said.
 
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jmc007 said:
Forgot God?
Maybe no one has those lovey dovey feelings all the time as we mature together in a long term commitment and deeper feelings ensue.
Maybe we are just dirty buggers getting tricked out of true love by our penis?

Maybe we are not beings created in Gods image, hey to hell with the consequences then, "do what thou wilt" then. As one man once said.
Click to expand...

Doubleyouteeeff?
 
MeEsH BaKkA said:
The MiL must have friends or family somewhere she can stay with or the very least some money seeing as she's lived rent free, she can move into a hotel etc...
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Immediately move her to a hotel? Come on that's not reasonable, it would be horrifically expensive, lets use some common sense.

MIL would need to move in with other family or get a council home, but even the quickest solution of moving in with other family takes some time to organise. He has, of his own free will, allowed her to live there for a while now, and turfing her out without some cursory time to make the proper arrangements would hardly be right or fair.
 
Richdog said:
Immediately move her to a hotel? Come on that's not reasonable, it would be horrifically expensive, lets use some common sense.

MIL would need to move in with other family or get a council home, but even the quickest solution of moving in with other family takes some time to organise. He has, of his own free will, allowed her to live there for a while now, and turfing her out without some cursory time to make the proper arrangements would hardly be right or fair.
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Relationship is over, is it far for a grown woman to be forcing a bloke out of his own home because she hasn't taken the initiative to get a contingency in order, you're as blind as the OP if you think the MiL doesn't know exactly what's going on she lives in the same house lol what do you think they talk about all day when the gravey train is at work??

The OP had done absolutely more than enough, more than the vast majority of people would ever do it seems like to me. She's a grown woman probably in her 50s who has been getting spending money for gods sake for who knows how long. She's part of the problem and has to go. There is no way the OP is going to be able to sit down with his misses and even try and get anywhere with her own Mum in the house. The playing field is so unbelievably squed in her favour it's madness.

Pays the mortgage
MiL and ex live absolutely rent free
OP pays them spending money

Thinking about it, OP jut pay for her hotel room for a bit, and I haven't asked but if the MiL actually has her own job... I'm not sure if this has even been asked yet but there is absolutely no reason afaik that she shouldn't have a job then you are a a mad man if she has.
 
MeEsH BaKkA said:
Relationship is over, is it far for a grown woman to be forcing a bloke out of his own home because she hasn't taken the initiative to get a contingency in order, you're as blind as the OP if you think the MiL doesn't know exactly what's going on she lives in the same house lol what do you think they talk about all day when the gravey train is at work??

The OP had done absolutely more than enough, more than the vast majority of people would ever do it seems like to me. She's a grown woman probably in her 50s who has been getting spending money for gods sake for who knows how long. She's part of the problem and has to go. There is no way the OP is going to be able to sit down with his misses and even try and get anywhere with her own Mum in the house. The playing field is so unbelievably squed in her favour it's madness.

Pays the mortgage
MiL and ex live absolutely rent free
OP pays them spending money

Thinking about it, OP jut pay for her hotel room for a bit, and I haven't asked but if the MiL actually has her own job... I'm not sure if this has even been asked yet but there is absolutely no reason afaik that she shouldn't have a job then you are a a mad man if she has.
Click to expand...

You don't seem like a particularly bright or rational person, and don't even appear to have read the thread properly, so lets just agree to disagree.
 
I feel sorry for your pregnant wife (assuming she isn't a terrible person). You've put her in an incredibly difficult position and I can only imagine how bad she must feel knowing her livelihood is in your hands.

Obviously it's no good being miserable, but you really should have thought about your situation a bit more before having 4 children with someone.

If I suddenly found myself in your situation, I'd do whatever I could to stabilize it and put my emotions on hold until things had calmed down. Anything else is unfair to both your wife and children
 
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