The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Steampunk said:
You've got to look at it this way. They've spent a lifetime looking after you, being your safety net. Now they are at the age where they can get a bit of their own life back, they can follow their dreams and enjoy what is probably the start of the sunset of their lives.

You don't want to be the one to stand in their way and deny them their dreams. Yes, you'll miss them, but you should be happy for them too.
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I completely want them to go, they have wanted this for a while and I am so happy they are managing to go and do this. It's been a long struggle and they definitely deserve a better quality of life.


I think just coming from quite a distanced family relationship, I just didn't know I was capable of that gut wrenching hurt. (which is a nice thing to be capable of to be honest!)


The holidays will be nice (and cheap!) anyway :D
 
Psypher5 said:
I completely want them to go, they have wanted this for a while and I am so happy they are managing to go and do this. It's been a long struggle and they definitely deserve a better quality of life.


I think just coming from quite a distanced family relationship, I just didn't know I was capable of that gut wrenching hurt. (which is a nice thing to be capable of to be honest!)


The holidays will be nice (and cheap!) anyway :D
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You'll probably see them more than you do now seeing as that you'll go there for holidays and spend 1-2 weeks with them solidly
 
Some horror stories in here.

Having suffered psychological trauma with problems I have since I was 10, one thing I find odd is people having a relationship with a partner who tries the psychological/physical intimidation tactic.

Even out with a non-relationship where people genuinely try to intimidate someone I find odd. Why not go to the police instead if someone feels genuinely threatened by someone else.If this makes any sense.
 
Psypher5 said:
I completely want them to go, they have wanted this for a while and I am so happy they are managing to go and do this. It's been a long struggle and they definitely deserve a better quality of life.

I think just coming from quite a distanced family relationship, I just didn't know I was capable of that gut wrenching hurt. (which is a nice thing to be capable of to be honest!)

The holidays will be nice (and cheap!) anyway :D
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Family bonds can be quite deep, and make you feel emotions even if intellectually you don't think you should. In the end, you feel what you feel, even if you understand the reasons why you shouldn't. You might find the times you do spend together, even if it's just a few weeks a year when you fly out there, become more special.

I became emotionally closer to my parents-in-law when they moved a hundred miles away when they retired. Maybe we appreciate family a bit more when they are not conveniently close to the point where we take them for granted and hardly show up.
 
Roar87 said:
*Snip*

Go on believing that everyone is a special complex snow flake if you like, just ignore the vast subject that is social science.
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We are all 'special complex **********'. Social science skips over a lot of the nuances that REALLY make a difference. Whilst there are undoubtedly trends that appear, very few examples of them are done for the exact same reasoning. In fact, I'd argue a lot of these trends exist in relationships because people perceive there to be a pattern where there is none.
 
Roar87 said:
It's a completely observable phenomenon, even Men test other Men in social scenarios. When you see one guy give another a bit of stick, if the other guy gives some back that'll be the end of it or it'll be laughed off, if he gets upset and/or angry then he'll be viewed as weak and end up being the butt of all the jokes. This is especially apparent in a big group of lads.

When you're first speaking to a girl, they'll flirt and have a bit of banter, if your response comes across as weak/lacking confidence then she'll lose attraction for you and eventually move on. During a relationship Women occasionally get into moods for seemingly no reason, if you don't call them out on it then it'll get worse and worse, she'll lose respect for you and either break up, stop seeing you, and maybe move cheat. Men will often try to be too nice to Girls for fear of losing them, which will ironically lose them the Girl. It's as observable as the group dynamic between Men giving each other abuse.

I've seen it happen in tonnes of relationships, I know for a fact my girlfriends ex-boyfriend was a push over and that's the reason they broke up, whereas with me she's fine because she knows I'm not a pushover.
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Actually its because you are weak not strong.

You stay with a partner who plays games and "tests" you hang out with men who do simmilar to you and you accept it as normal and ok because you are scared that if you dont you will lose them and no one else will have you.

So you end up the little pawn in thier games and butt of thier abuse.

But then i have a rather unusual perspective on the whole thing.

One of the girls i see went out with her friend who fancies me this weekend and has set us up meet when i get back which should be fun (the girl does squats) cause she knows i wouldn't bother to aproach her myself.

So I'm more used to very open and honest relationships/interaction.

If theres games or "tests" or other such childishness I'd simply walk away.

I'd definitely not sit around patting myself on the back for being the big strong man who "passed" the test
 
Tefal said:
Actually its because you are weak not strong.

You stay with a partner who plays games and "tests" you hang out with men who do simmilar to you and you accept it as normal and ok because you are scared that if you dont you will lose them and no one else will have you.

So you end up the little pawn in thier games and butt of thier abuse.

But then i have a rather unusual perspective on the whole thing.

One of the girls i see went out with her friend who fancies me this weekend and has set us up meet when i get back which should be fun (the girl does squats) cause she knows i wouldn't bother to aproach her myself.

So I'm more used to very open and honest relationships/interaction.

If theres games or "tests" or other such childishness I'd simply walk away.

I'd definitely not sit around patting myself on the back for being the big strong man who "passed" the test
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My girlfriend doesn't play games, she's just a girl, occasionally she'll be moody - like every woman I've ever known - and on these occasions it's better for me to tell her she's being moody and to knock it off, rather than pandering to her emotional whims. By doing this she respects me, something which is absolutely crucial to female attraction. This isn't conscious game playing or a "test", it's simply how women interact with other people and Men especially. I'm not the butt of any abuse I assure you. I openly welcome the kind of Male banter I was talking about earlier because it's good fun.

Congratulations on a girl you know setting you up with another girl (who Squats apparently, so do I by the way - 150kg before my holiday). Let's hope this girl doesn't engage with you in some light hearted flirting, because she'll be playing the aforementioned games subconsciously and you'll have to walk away.
 
nightwish said:
It's really not you know. Maybe you should get out a bit and meet some different girls...
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It's true some girls do test more than others, girls with lots of options are brutal in weeding out weak Men for obvious reasons. The best girls are the one's who weren't that good looking in high school/college so don't have huge ego's.
 
Tefal said:
One of the girls i see went out with her friend who fancies me this weekend and has set us up meet when i get back which should be fun (the girl does squats) cause she knows i wouldn't bother to aproach her myself.
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You are such a ****! :p (begins SL it shouldnt be censored lol)

Reminds me of a very almost incestuous friends group who each of them banged each other at different points...all still remained friends though. (2 guys 4 women)
 
Tefal and tonso are so different to myself and each other it's kind of amazing we are all the same species
 
Been a while since I posted in here, however I feel as if I need to get this weight off my chest.

I not so long ago started dating a friend I've known for a year, over this course we've tried dating and it never worked out. After not speaking for a few weeks she started talking to me again, telling me she missed me (whilst I was at Glastonbury) and since then we've been seeing each other most weekends.

I've always fancied her quite a lot (which she knows unfortunately), we met through tinder but she didn't want anything serious at the time so we just kept as friends (up until recently).

We started dating again recently, But 2 week's ago I got a text saying she had a "friend who she has sex with sometimes" come round and, well, obviously they had sex and she told me about it.

I'm currently going through a rough time and told her I found that really uncomfortable, considering I went round the previous day to cheer her up.

the following week I arranged to meet someone as friends for a date, I thought nothing of it as I was only meeting someone in a friendly capacity as I was on my own the entire weekend.

Roll to the previous Saturday and she questioned who this girl who liked our tagged status was. I told her I met for for a date and since then she's proceeded to ignore me until we had an argument today.

I know what the answer is, but writing it down (the short hand version) is helping me make sense a bit better.

Can someone tell me to get rid, I pretty much know that's the answer, but something I dont want to admit to is holding me back.

I'm currently waiting to see the doctor on Friday as I currently suffer from depression and this whole shagsack of a situation really isn't helping.
 
413x said:
Tefal and tonso are so different to myself and each other it's kind of amazing we are all the same species
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We not :cool:

Sinny said:
Can someone tell me to get rid, I pretty much know that's the answer, but something I dont want to admit to is holding me back.

I'm currently waiting to see the doctor on Friday as I currently suffer from depression and this whole shagsack of a situation really isn't helping.
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Get rid! You don't need female games when depressed, focus on yourself and then get rid of the doctor as well.
 
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Sinny said:
Been a while since I posted in here, however I feel as if I need to get this weight off my chest.

I not so long ago started dating a friend I've known for a year, over this course we've tried dating and it never worked out. After not speaking for a few weeks she started talking to me again, telling me she missed me (whilst I was at Glastonbury) and since then we've been seeing each other most weekends.

I've always fancied her quite a lot (which she knows unfortunately), we met through tinder but she didn't want anything serious at the time so we just kept as friends (up until recently).

We started dating again recently, But 2 week's ago I got a text saying she had a "friend who she has sex with sometimes" come round and, well, obviously they had sex and she told me about it.

I'm currently going through a rough time and told her I found that really uncomfortable, considering I went round the previous day to cheer her up.

the following week I arranged to meet someone as friends for a date, I thought nothing of it as I was only meeting someone in a friendly capacity as I was on my own the entire weekend.

Roll to the previous Saturday and she questioned who this girl who liked our tagged status was. I told her I met for for a date and since then she's proceeded to ignore me until we had an argument today.

I know what the answer is, but writing it down (the short hand version) is helping me make sense a bit better.

Can someone tell me to get rid, I pretty much know that's the answer, but something I dont want to admit to is holding me back.

I'm currently waiting to see the doctor on Friday as I currently suffer from depression and this whole shagsack of a situation really isn't helping.
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Seems like a few details missing.. Maybe that's the original problem
Were you exclusive while she was sleeping with the guy?
How long had you been dating?
Was your date really just for friends?
Why was she annoyed you went on the date?

Regardless.. Seems like too messy a situation. Yes, you are right, move on
Try to get the depression under control before dating. It never goes away I know.

Tosno said:
We not :cool:
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Ha, agree with you for the first time :p
 
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