The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Ayahuasca;30493009 said:
While I get that for some people it's an absolute deal breaker for one reason or another I really don't get this attitude. The average person has kids with someone that they love and believe they're going to stay with or have a happy accident (I know there are some right dirty rotters out there who are mental though). A relationship breakdown with kids involved shouldn't mean that they should be sentenced to a life of being alone.
If nodiggidy123 and this woman really like each other and things are going well why shouldn't they be happy and together?
Vidar;30493099 said:
The problem for a single man or woman meeting a partner who has kids, is that they are not only very expensive but also put restrictions and stresses on the relationship.
The partner with children will always have to put them first (and rightly so), making spontaneous days out more difficult. The children are likely to be in the house most of the time, limiting quiet time together. If the relationship becomes serious then it's likely that the single partner may have to start spending their own money on the children, particularly if that person is the man (due to societies expectations). e.g. Christmas, birthdays, day trips out, holidays, etc. Even if that doesn't happen directly at first then the parent will naturally have less money available and the single person would likely end up spending more of their own money on the other partner. So it's still an indirect cost due to the other person having children.
If both partners have children then I think getting together is a great idea as things are more balanced. But for a single person, taking on the responsibilities of someone else's children can be both financially and emotionally draining once the relationship becomes serious. I can understand why many people avoid it.
Like it or not, any single parent has less "market value" than someone without children. It wouldn't put me off if I were single again, but that's because I also have children myself. But if I didn't have children then I would avoid a relationship with a single parent.
Dave M;30493261 said:
True.
I got talking to a girl in the pub a few weeks ago (someone else's company leaving drink). She asked if I was married and I obviously told her I was (I don't wear a ring - don't own one). But she was single, pretty and childless. Must have been bat **** crazy I guess!
Tosno;30493334 said:
Maybe true. Hadn't considered it that way.
Frankly if I ever get divorced (which is statistically likely nowadays) I probably wouldn't bother looking for another partner.
See I'm the opposite, I'm a single Dad who wouldn't get with a partner who also has kids as it's too hard to get anytime alone, though thanks to my psychotic ex my time with the kids is excessively rigid. Fortunately I found a great girl, single and childless, 5 years younger who's known my situation from the start and loves me anyway..... We're now happily engaged and living together, she loves the fact that I'm a great Dad and has a great relationship with my two kids.
Hades;30493351 said:
A mans ability to sire a handsome and healthy child is an instinctive sign that he has good quality genes, making him appear more attractive than if he had an uglier or/and unhealthy child.
Womens preference for certain traits in a man have emerged because they provide clues that he has the ability to pass on genes that will increase the survival and reproductive success of any children they make. Offspring attractiveness and health provides extra information about the genetic quality of the father.
Tosno;30493380 said:
Vidar;30493376 said:
Which I guess tallies with Tosno's point. You've demonstrated good genes and an ability to provide.
I must admit when I was younger I found more women talking to me on the days I was out alone looking after my very young children at the time.
Roar87;30493500 said:
Oh I'm not denying that. But the awww thing I don't think would outweigh the 'he already has kids' thing.
Like others have said, being kid free and dating someone with kids just creates so many hurdles. From start to long term. Different life points too. Be interesting to know how demographics on stuff like this.
Now a dog. Yeah that would score more points with me! ��
413x;30493509 said:Sleep with and relationship with are very very different!
They are but it doesn't matter.
Step 1: Be attractive
Step 2: Don't be unattractive
If you're not good looking you're relying on other traits to form attraction like intelligence, status, humour or wealth. None of them outweigh being a 6ft 4 chiselled Chad though as right from the off you're attractive without the need to prove anything. It's life on easy mode and has been proven by various studies to help you in other areas than the opposite sex.