The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Thanks guys. I really need to stop picking the duffers or women that just want sex but have no other feelings for me :(
How do you all meet women in 'real life' ie not online dating sites? Its hard meeting women at work as there are hardly any (or wrong age / married) and it seems a bit wrong to chat people up at the gym or when shopping! Nights out its hard in noisy bars as my hearing isnt the best - when loud music is pounding in my ears anyway
 
I appear to be getting involved with the girl I mentioned a few pages back with the Facebook add. She's 23 and I'm 34, is that an issue? We have video called for at least 30 minutes each day since Wednesday and we met for lunch yesterday. We are interested in loads of the same things, gaming, music, travel etc.
 
Also one other issue is that she has only been single for 4/5 weeks. Although her ex is a massive weirdo and she does not miss him at all. They were together for a few years but not intimate for the last 8 months or so, separate rooms etc.
 
ChrisD. said:
Also one other issue is that she has only been single for 4/5 weeks. Although her ex is a massive weirdo and she does not miss him at all. They were together for a few years but not intimate for the last 8 months or so, separate rooms etc.
Click to expand...

You've only heard her side of it. If he was that weird she would not have stayed with him for several years. Women (and I guess men too) will often portray the ex partner as odd, weird, abusive, strange, whatever, after they separate because it portrays them as a victim.

If he was actually that weird, then what does it say about her that she stayed with him all that time? There is always more to it than meets the eye.

EDIT: The age difference isn't a problem at all, as long as you are both interested in similar things. She won't have the same experience of life that you do. But that means you bring a lot of emotional maturity, stability and financial stability to the table (assuming that's what she wants). As long as she's offering you something in return (I mean emotionally / physically rather than financially) then all is good.
 
I know him myself, he is really weird and also insecure with her. The last straw was when she caught him going through her phone. They were engaged and she didn't realise how unhappy she was with him. I've been there myself so I can understand it.
 
I have a question that may be pretty hard to answer - How do you know if you have been in love or are in love? (I don't mean family)
I can't get someone out my head that doesnt have the same feelings as me. We have spoke about it, which made me feel a bit better. It still feels like im on a constant drug comedown where i can't even think straight sometimes. It's the friend from a few pages back - I've had no idea where these feeling have come from but wish i could flick a switch to turn them off.
God knows how people cope with the death of a loved one or divorce after years of being with someone that they still love
 
I've not posted here in a while, not sure if anyone remembers my post quite a few months back I just need to put something down in words to express how utterly relieved I am at the moment.

About a year ago I met someone on Tinder, it was on and off, she stood me up twice for reasons I could never fathom (She has constant migraines, but sometimes I had the feeling she just stalled me as she didn't know what she wanted). I liked her from day one but it was never reciprocated and after a while we just agreed to be friends (though I should have been clearer, she actually wanted to still meet up all the time).

Since then we've been on days out, organised to do stuff and I have tried very hard to just remain friends.Since then I actually foolishly agreed to go to Blackpool for the weekend to see a comedian with her. Afterwards We went to a club for drinks and it quickly became very apparent to me that I was out of my depth as she starting to dance with other people (though she didn't actually do anything, I just felt incredibly isolated as I told her I'd find anything like this uncomfortable).

It's been a few weeks since then and I've slowly just stopped sending her messages, pretty much she is the person sending me them, but we speak once a week (usually what Pokemon we've caught on PoGo). I've now started to get it in my head over the past few months that it wouldn't work, despite me liking her more than I would care to. and since going away my mindset changed my perspective and despite it feeling horrific when we went away It's done me some good.

For 2 weeks now I've been meeting up with someone near to where I work (as I work away during the week), Frankly it's been great. She's been great! we talk when we get chance to, we always have fun when we meet up and I'm always happy to see her!

Then last night I received some messages from the other lady saying how she really misses me so much, And as this has happened before (which she missed me as a friend, Naturally I misconstrued the question) I just left it hanging until this morning where I told her I did miss her as a friend, and since then received no response.

After dealing with Anxiety and depression last year (and dealing with the way I was treated, being slightly foolish at the time I should have known better) I'm enjoying spending time with someone new. This is the first person in nearly 2 years and the other lady I've seen more than once and I'm genuinely in a decent place right now.

There are circumstances and details I've left out of the post, mainly to keep it short. But I had to vent off to someone/people and thought this is a decent enough post/place to do it.

If anyone else is going through Mental health issues, Always consider yourself first however hard it may be. Especially when it comes to Dating/friendships/relationships etc.

:)
 
I just had a rather awkward discussion with a girl I'm dating. It all stemmed from diamond rings and then I said I think marriage is pointless (and clarified that one shouldn't need to be married to declare their love etc, I know couples who are not married and they are fine).

Lead. Balloon. Down.

Well, at least I'm honest.
 
Last edited:
Sinny said:
I've not posted here in a while, not sure if anyone remembers my post quite a few months back I just need to put something down in words to express how utterly relieved I am at the moment.

About a year ago I met someone on Tinder, it was on and off, she stood me up twice for reasons I could never fathom (She has constant migraines, but sometimes I had the feeling she just stalled me as she didn't know what she wanted). I liked her from day one but it was never reciprocated and after a while we just agreed to be friends (though I should have been clearer, she actually wanted to still meet up all the time).

Since then we've been on days out, organised to do stuff and I have tried very hard to just remain friends.Since then I actually foolishly agreed to go to Blackpool for the weekend to see a comedian with her. Afterwards We went to a club for drinks and it quickly became very apparent to me that I was out of my depth as she starting to dance with other people (though she didn't actually do anything, I just felt incredibly isolated as I told her I'd find anything like this uncomfortable).

It's been a few weeks since then and I've slowly just stopped sending her messages, pretty much she is the person sending me them, but we speak once a week (usually what Pokemon we've caught on PoGo). I've now started to get it in my head over the past few months that it wouldn't work, despite me liking her more than I would care to. and since going away my mindset changed my perspective and despite it feeling horrific when we went away It's done me some good.

For 2 weeks now I've been meeting up with someone near to where I work (as I work away during the week), Frankly it's been great. She's been great! we talk when we get chance to, we always have fun when we meet up and I'm always happy to see her!

Then last night I received some messages from the other lady saying how she really misses me so much, And as this has happened before (which she missed me as a friend, Naturally I misconstrued the question) I just left it hanging until this morning where I told her I did miss her as a friend, and since then received no response.

After dealing with Anxiety and depression last year (and dealing with the way I was treated, being slightly foolish at the time I should have known better) I'm enjoying spending time with someone new. This is the first person in nearly 2 years and the other lady I've seen more than once and I'm genuinely in a decent place right now.

There are circumstances and details I've left out of the post, mainly to keep it short. But I had to vent off to someone/people and thought this is a decent enough post/place to do it.

If anyone else is going through Mental health issues, Always consider yourself first however hard it may be. Especially when it comes to Dating/friendships/relationships etc.

:)
Click to expand...

Glad you've been seeing another girl, but don't try and be friends with a girl you actually fancy. I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going out with a girl I fancied as 'just friends', because you're going to feel like crap when she gets attention from other guys and starts acting on it (and why wouldn't she, she's out with a friend). If you fancy a girl then make it clear that's why you're hanging out with them, otherwise don't hang out with them. Women just lose all respect for you as a Man when you're obviously getting jealous. Be the guy making women jealous, not the other way round.
 
Amen to what Roar87 said.... When I first started talking to my Fiancee she told me pretty quickly that she had just started dating someone and that could we be friends, I in no uncertain terms told her that while I was happy to keep talking to her I had absolutely no interest in us just being friends. Now if you were to ask her how we got together she'd tell you it started from my insistence that I didn't want to be just friends, that if she'd seen me as just a friend at all then she'd probably have not gotten past it. That and I was persistent lol.

I've been there, spending time with a girl you want more from but ultimately have been friendzoned by. It's hard and after collecting several female friends this way I decided its just best to put all your cards on the table. If they say no chance, then just walk away its not worth beating yourself up over, if the door is even slightly ajar take a gamble, but if you get rejected outright even once... just walk away.
 
I'm really struggling meeting anyone I feel excitement for, it's so frustrating. I've been single a long time and have no problems getting dates but I'm finding most of the time I don't fancy them when they turn up. This might be the whole online dating process that isn't working for me. A few I've fancied but then turn out to be really dull or self obsessed. I have anxiety and some depression which most people have no problem with because I've managed it well for years but I think it might be affecting the way I perceive other people, maybe some dates would have worked out if I'd given them a chance.

Also not wanting kids (have 1 already) and not drinking more than a couple of drinks seems to be a major problem as well!

Like someone said earlier maybe new hobbies and social groups would be the way forward, some actual chemistry with someone I see in the skin first would be better. Not some angled photos with a filter!
 
Last edited:
TheMeekon said:
I'm really struggling meeting anyone I feel excitement for, it's so frustrating. I've been single a long time and have no problems getting dates but I'm finding most of the time I don't fancy them when they turn up. This might be the whole online dating process that isn't working for me. A few I've fancied but then turn out to be really dull or self obsessed. I have anxiety and some depression which most people have no problem with because I've managed it well for years but I think it might be affecting the way I perceive other people, maybe some dates would have worked out if I'd given them a chance.

Also not wanting kids (have 1 already) and not drinking more than a couple of drinks seems to be a major problem as well!

Like someone said earlier maybe new hobbies and social groups would be the way forward, some actual chemistry with someone I see in the skin first would be better. Not some angled photos with a filter!
Click to expand...
I've tried online dating for two years and I am hopeless at it. I like to think I'm a good looking guy and according to female friends I have 'gift of the gab' and I'm a bit of a catch. I think in the two years I've met 6 women from apps, 1 I'm really good friends with and the others went no where long term. I have had much better luck meeting girls in bars. If this 23 year old doesn't go anywhere (she was a barmaid in my local) I am tempted to come off online dating all together.
 
ChrisD. said:
I've tried online dating for two years and I am hopeless at it. I like to think I'm a good looking guy and according to female friends I have 'gift of the gab' and I'm a bit of a catch. I think in the two years I've met 6 women from apps, 1 I'm really good friends with and the others went no where long term. I have had much better luck meeting girls in bars. If this 23 year old doesn't go anywhere (she was a barmaid in my local) I am tempted to come off online dating all together.
Click to expand...

Good luck with the 23 years old! I think I might come off soon as well, feels like its really starting to get me down.

I had to stop drinking 4 years ago and that has been a big problem for me. I struggle in bars sober so I don't really bother going out anymore other than for food or a brew.

I've got 2 close friends from dating and been on around 50 dates in 3 years but the longer its gone on the less enthusiastic I am about it. Its definitely got harder as its like a social media promotion platform now (mostly tinder etc)

I think it might just be me that is super picky and odd!
 
Last edited:
Cheers, I hope it goes somewhere as I have had rotten luck! It's very early days but we shall see.

50 dates, bloody hell, no where near me.

I would start doing more hobby based stuff, evening courses at a local college, go out and do things. And stop looking, because I usually find when you stop, that's when you find someone.
 
Yeh you might be right. It always worked out in the past but now I'm looking so much it seems less possible. I think now I'm 34 I really know what I need and want plus internet dating lets you jump straight back on instead of giving people a chance.

It's been a lot of dates, I'm not even looking to get laid but just to get that spark! A few stood out but there the ones that have disappeared on me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom