I don't know if I want kids or not

[redrabbit29]

I'm 32
My GF is soon to turn 30 and is keen on kids

I'm just not sure.

At times I think:

- would be great as the life in the future would be so good having kids around who are adults

- would make my life more. Meaningful

- why would you NOT want them?

On the other hand I think:

- I've now only got enough to start living properly and doing stuff

- I don't like children. They annoy me

- at retirement is just live my life and travel happy that I can do things

 

[redrabbit29]

I dont expect "THE ANSWER" but was just wondering what others thought.

I'm most definitely not a typical family person. My family aren't close and I'm happier being alone and independent.

 

[Efour]

40 no kids, no worries. Lots of money.

 

[McBain]

You answered your own question.

- why would you NOT want them?

- I don't like children. They annoy me

Don't feel the pressure from society, I have never and don't ever want to have kids. I like money, peace and quiet, no responsibilities and being able to do what I want, when I want far too much. I'm 35.

 

[rare]

There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids.

I was with my ex for 10 years up until late last year. One of the things we discussed on and off was me not wanting children. It may have been a factor in her deciding she ultimately didn't see her future with me. But that's out of my hands now.

Much like you I can't see myself ever becoming a parent. In many respects I'm quite selfish, I enjoy having my freedom and my money. There is no right or wrong answer but really I don't see the need for myself to have children. It's not like the species is going to die out anytime soon. I have poor health and worry about being able to look after kids as I get older. I also think the world is a pretty horrible place and I'm uncertain I would want to bring anyone else in to it!

Do you think it would jeopardise the relationship not wanting kids? That could ultimately be the decider.

 

[Boge]

You have one life. It's not a rehearsal. Raising children is a massive commitment both financially and emotionally.

What else do you want to do with your life?

 

[Maundie]

I've always been adamant that I don't want kids, I'm 44 this year and still don't want any despite everyone saying "You'll change your mind".

Some people don't want kids the same as some decide to have a dozen, horses for courses I say.

 

[Hades]

If you decide you want kids then fine. But if you don't want then then do not be pressured by your GF to have them. But do be honest with her so she can move on and find another man that will.

I have two kids and love them very much. I wouldn't change it now. But if things had been different and I had never had them then I would be equally happy with that life. Kids are a huge, huge change and drain on your life. Only have them if YOU want then.

Your GF is just hitting the wall so will put increasing pressure on you, including telling you that you wasted time she could have used to find someone else. But don't be pressured into it.

 

[Captain]

If you are certain you don't want kids, then really you should let your gf go and be with someone who does.

 

[DONOHUE07]

I never wanted kids, at all, I was out 5 nights a week, trips abroad with the lads all the time and going to every match home and away. Then, the girl I was seeing fell pregnant. Best thing I ever did, gave my life a new purpose. I didn't like other people's kids, still don't! But I love my son to bits, watching him grow is unlike any other feeling in the world

 

[Slam62]

Kids are a huge responsibility, not to be taken lightly. However life is about challenge.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

As a parent, I'd strongly suggest that you avoid putting too much weight on the opinion of parents. They tend to be rather biased.

- I don't like children. They annoy me

It's possible to love your own children unconditionally yet still find children annoying, typically those belonging to anyone else.

 

[Vore]

40, 2 kids, best decision I have ever made despite being skeptical at times during my youth. Kids are really not such a huge deal, you just get used to it and obviously things change but it is not like discovering fire for the first time or something. Everyone is different though, so only you know what is right for you. Money is mentioned frequently but they are not some black hole of disposable income, yes they cost but so does everything else. I used to spend so much money on random crap, I now spend less on random crap but still do what I want to do. Aside from kids your spousal/gf relationship has a significant influence on how things play out...

 

[danoliver1]

If you have kids you will have no money, no time, no life outside of the kids, no sleep. But when you hold that baby you will feel a love so deep it hurts and all the things you lose don't matter one bit, infact you will realize that your life before was a hollow shell.

 

[Ninco]

Never wanted kids, although I have had moments where I thought about it. It has come at a cost from a relationships perspective though.

Whilst I have had pangs from time to time, I do not regret this decision. I hear stories from my Niece (18) which make me cringe... Whether it is an age thing, only I thought peer pressure was tough back in the nineties but when compared to the narcissistic society of now - Does not compare.

 

[Begbie]

40 no kids, no worries. Lots of money.

Same but 30, even the thought of a full time girlfriend is just annoying. I spent a fortune on holidays last year, I'm constantly spending money on bikes. I have literally no worries, no problems. The only thing that ever worries me is being without work. But even now I still have 6 years left on my contract, no doubt to probably be upped to another 12 from now. So yeah, I like life as it stands. No doubt I'll get drunk, and get some girl pregnant though.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

If you have kids you will have no money, no time, no life outside of the kids, no sleep. But when you hold that baby you will feel a love so deep it hurts and all the things you lose don't matter one bit, infact you will realize that your life before was a hollow shell.

This is what I meant about listening to parents because whilst I feel for this poster, this is far from universal. OP - consider your own situation and the impact which kids will have because there are a lot of things in play (your relationship, your individuality, finances, practical life changes etc). We can't second guess those so it's important that you understand that whilst individual opinion (including this post) may appear useful, it's probably not.

 

[BDEE]

It's possible to love your own children unconditionally yet still find children annoying, typically those belonging to anyone else.

Magnolia in saying something sensible shocker!

 

[Malevolence]

For me it's a big no to having kids and an equally big no to long-term relationships. Both are money sucking parasites that attempt to change you into something else. I'm perfectly happy just dipping the wick in whatever comes along and leaving it at that. Why overcomplicate things?

 

[jimjamuk]

I have the 3 and wouldn't change for the world. Most people make the best of what they got so imagine if i had no kids I'd be just as happy but a different person