I don't know if I want kids or not
- Thread starter redrabbit29
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Would it be acceptable to say to my GF that's yes I'm willing to fertilise her. However looking after the child is her responsibility.
A bit like when you get a dog for a child and you say "ok but you have to walk it and clean up its poo poo"
A bit like when you get a dog for a child and you say "ok but you have to walk it and clean up its poo poo"
In other words 'Ill let you have a child because you want one but I don't, so I want nothing to do with it'.
I doubt that would go down well.
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Need to do these things to bond with it, no point if you don't.
Well it's "acceptable" if the pair of you want the relationship to work that way. But it doesn't absolve you of any financial long term responsibility and more importantly your child will probably grow to hate you. It's grossly unfair on the child.
You can't do that. It went work. Unfortunately this is something two people have to be aligned on. It's selfish both ways (to want and not want a child) so that argument is irrelevant. But no way is it healthy or fair in the kid to have a stand off dad.
I don't think me or my gf would make good parents. She regularly needs her alone time. And doesn't cope well with less than 9hrs sleep. As in gets grumpy. I also need me time. And can't handle lack of sleep if I had to deal with all that. If she changed her mind and wanted kids I dunno what I'd do. (at present she doesn't want kids). Also both our careers are in flux. I want to move, as does she. These things are just more difficult with kids.
We both live animals however. But they are really cute. I'd love a dog right now.
If you don't want kids because of your partner... Wrong partner.
I don't think me or my gf would make good parents. She regularly needs her alone time. And doesn't cope well with less than 9hrs sleep. As in gets grumpy. I also need me time. And can't handle lack of sleep if I had to deal with all that. If she changed her mind and wanted kids I dunno what I'd do. (at present she doesn't want kids). Also both our careers are in flux. I want to move, as does she. These things are just more difficult with kids.
We both live animals however. But they are really cute. I'd love a dog right now.
If you don't want kids because of your partner... Wrong partner.
Last edited:
No, unless you're a sociopath.
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Great, so I can then. Thanks
Because every person with kids and/or marriage live exactly the same life? Like the comment about planting a seed and having nothing to do with it above. If it doesn't suit you personally, don't do it.
From what I gather about kids and families. Generally it's a lot of work, it's a drain in resources, if you don't have help (family etc) is even worse, lack of sleep, need to have a decent wage for the dad to make it fun.
The plus is the reward and experience of having a child.
Some people know they want them, some people find that when they have them they are really thankful they did.
But that's the part you really don't know. As I myself don't like children if that last part doesn't come, I've already committed to a life I don't want.
Is too much of a gamble for me, and I don't feel I'd give a child a good life for many reasons above. And that's not fair on anyone
The plus is the reward and experience of having a child.
Some people know they want them, some people find that when they have them they are really thankful they did.
But that's the part you really don't know. As I myself don't like children if that last part doesn't come, I've already committed to a life I don't want.
Is too much of a gamble for me, and I don't feel I'd give a child a good life for many reasons above. And that's not fair on anyone
It's hard to say as no one is ever ready for kids, but if you actively don't want them then don't have them just to keep your girlfriend happy. That won't make anyone happy in the long run and you will all lose. If she wants kids and you don't then either you or her have to change your mind, or you break up.
As a species we have pretty much, across the whole planet, bar Africa and within 100-200 years, gone from having an average of 6 - 8 kids down to 2.
As that is an average, this is unlikely to be a local social/cultural change due to house prices.
That said, we have good friends who want no kids, personally I think they are off their trollies, the observable fact of my peers who did/didn't want kids, those who decided against were/are the most materialistic of us.
As that is an average, this is unlikely to be a local social/cultural change due to house prices.
That said, we have good friends who want no kids, personally I think they are off their trollies, the observable fact of my peers who did/didn't want kids, those who decided against were/are the most materialistic of us.
I've just worked 30 hours with only 4 hours sleep. I'm shattered. My daughter just came into the office and gave me a hug. It made it all worth it.
You really don't know true love until you have your own children.
EDIT: Now my son and daughter are arguing in the living room. Crap. You really don't know true frustration until you have your own children.
You really don't know true love until you have your own children.
EDIT: Now my son and daughter are arguing in the living room. Crap. You really don't know true frustration until you have your own children.
I really don't think it's fair this people who don't want kids are materialistic. Many people want kids simply because they want a kid.not too new able to give it a good life etc etc. No matter what state they are in they would have children. Without any thought to their ability to provide.
Im not very money driven but I'm not stupid and I know kids are expensive. Those two things don't really work.
It does get tedious hearing you are missing out, you don't know love, you don't get that bond etc etc from people with kids.
I'm sure not everyone with kids feels it's been a good decision. Heaven forbid someone with kids admits they don't want theirs or regrets it.
Im not very money driven but I'm not stupid and I know kids are expensive. Those two things don't really work.
It does get tedious hearing you are missing out, you don't know love, you don't get that bond etc etc from people with kids.
I'm sure not everyone with kids feels it's been a good decision. Heaven forbid someone with kids admits they don't want theirs or regrets it.
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We don't need any more people thanks.
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My morning so far:
- 2 year old woke at 5:30 and demanded grape nuts. He always wakes up starving cause he never eats his tea. He jumped on us and screamed until we obliged, which was me today because it's mother's day.
- My 5 year old vomited in her bed at 6:30 because she has a cough and catarrh. Cleaned that up. She went back to sleep.
- Amazon order arrived, including a new wall clock for my 5 year old that helps you tell the time. She had a melt down because it wasn't pink, screaming and shouting that she didn't want it. She climbed on her rocking horse and pulled it off the wall, cracking the frame, and demanded a pink one instead.
- Wife left to see her mum, kids cry for mummy for half an hour.
- 2 year old wanted to watch Chuggington on the study PC, but I'm working. He pushes me and cries to get his own way for 20 minutes. Fails, but still tiring.
- I just sit down after they've calmed down and they both want more breakfast / brunch. 5 year old demands that her cup of milk is warmed up.
- Sit down after that and she needs a poo. She's weed on the floor of the toilet so I clear that up.
It's not even midday and I'm drained.
Think carefully people.
- 2 year old woke at 5:30 and demanded grape nuts. He always wakes up starving cause he never eats his tea. He jumped on us and screamed until we obliged, which was me today because it's mother's day.
- My 5 year old vomited in her bed at 6:30 because she has a cough and catarrh. Cleaned that up. She went back to sleep.
- Amazon order arrived, including a new wall clock for my 5 year old that helps you tell the time. She had a melt down because it wasn't pink, screaming and shouting that she didn't want it. She climbed on her rocking horse and pulled it off the wall, cracking the frame, and demanded a pink one instead.
- Wife left to see her mum, kids cry for mummy for half an hour.
- 2 year old wanted to watch Chuggington on the study PC, but I'm working. He pushes me and cries to get his own way for 20 minutes. Fails, but still tiring.
- I just sit down after they've calmed down and they both want more breakfast / brunch. 5 year old demands that her cup of milk is warmed up.
- Sit down after that and she needs a poo. She's weed on the floor of the toilet so I clear that up.
It's not even midday and I'm drained.
Think carefully people.
I am 33 and nope I still don't want kids either. But I have come to conclusion if I do have them, it wont be till I am in my 40's.
I rather be the old dad who is financially stable, still physically stable health wise and has had a life experience . Not a young dad who isn't financially stable, struggling to make ends meet or worse case, fighting in court to see their kids because they got the wrong women pregnant.
Too many people have kids, just for the sake of having them because that's what society expects them to do. You should have kids to create a family, to create that unbreakable bond you and your partner will always have because you both have kids together.
How many of us in this thread has half brothers or sisters? I do myself, its not a bad thing. Going through the history of the The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread, people asking for advice on how to see their kids again because of their mental ex has stopped them? I don't want to be another single parent bringing up a child in a broken family. I have been through it myself and its crap.
So if I do change my mind, I am going to make dame sure its with the right person and I will have kids then I want to. Not pressured, guilt tripped, blackmailed or "accidentally" pushed into it.
I rather be the old dad who is financially stable, still physically stable health wise and has had a life experience . Not a young dad who isn't financially stable, struggling to make ends meet or worse case, fighting in court to see their kids because they got the wrong women pregnant.
Too many people have kids, just for the sake of having them because that's what society expects them to do. You should have kids to create a family, to create that unbreakable bond you and your partner will always have because you both have kids together.
How many of us in this thread has half brothers or sisters? I do myself, its not a bad thing. Going through the history of the The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread, people asking for advice on how to see their kids again because of their mental ex has stopped them? I don't want to be another single parent bringing up a child in a broken family. I have been through it myself and its crap.
So if I do change my mind, I am going to make dame sure its with the right person and I will have kids then I want to. Not pressured, guilt tripped, blackmailed or "accidentally" pushed into it.