The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

This is getting confusing now, I've been chatting to 5 different girls. Had a date with 2 of them which went well, got one tonight and 2 next week. I'm having to turn some down / re-arrange as I'm already on one. Think i need to start keeping notes because I asked on one date how their holiday went but then realised it was someone else that went on holiday. oopsy! - I skimmed over it and she was not the wiser.
Is it bad protocol/a bad idea to let a date/someone you are talking to know you are dating other people? It would be so much easier if I could just say "sorry, that was Emma I was thinking about" :D Bet that would go down like a sack of ****!
 
It would surely depend on the person you are on a date with, I'd guess most would be pretty OK with the idea you were seeing other people as one would assume they are as well. You'd get the odd bunny boiler who would have a problem with it, but then those get removed off the list.
 
I would say that as long as you arent having sex with any of the women, talk to as many as you can handle.

Don't progress things for more than a couple of dates with each of them though. 3+ dates I would start to consider that you should talk about being exclusive.
 
Thanks. The one tonight went well, she wanted me to stay and have a few more drinks with her and her mates so can only presume thats a good sign...
Instead im on a train to stay at a womans who has no feelings for me and won't even be there
 
May aswell ask the inevitable... what happens if I take a liking to more that 1? Continue with 1+ or cut one (or more) off?
Think i've gone into woman overdrive since 'friends with benefits' girl has brought me out my shell
 
Guest2 said:
May aswell ask the inevitable... what happens if I take a liking to more that 1? Continue with 1+ or cut one (or more) off?
Think i've gone into woman overdrive since 'friends with benefits' girl has brought me out my shell
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See as many as you can until you click with 1 more than the others.

I've stupidly accepted a friend request from a bird who works at the same place I do, everyday it's 2-3 messages from her, I'll reply once and then ignore her. It annoys me so much when people message me over and over inbetween me replying. I've told her if she keeps doing it I'll unfriend her, I've already told her I'm not interested in her but she keeps bugging me. I've been more harsh than normal hoping she gets the hint but it hasn't worked so far.
 
Does this mean i can have sex with all of them until i 'click' with one?
I don't think i would because i would feel harsh binning the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th place off,
but still.
Tell the girl you are not going to reply to her messages or even read them. Thats what a girl did to me and the reason i'm now on woman overdrive
 
Unless its clear you are in a FWB situation with the women you are seeing, do not have sex with them and then continue to see them and other women.

In my opinion, when you are dating (opposed to FWB) having sex shows that you've moved onto the next stage - it shows a level of trust and commitment.

If you have sex and feel that there's no chemistry with that person then see other women but only after you've stopped seeing the one you slept with.

The only exception is if you tell them all that you are having sex with other people whilst seeing them too, but I expect most women would drop you very quickly in that situation

Guest2 said:
Does this mean i can have sex with all of them until i 'click' with one?
I don't think i would because i would feel harsh binning the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th place off,
but still.
Tell the girl you are not going to reply to her messages or even read them. Thats what a girl did to me and the reason i'm now on woman overdrive
Click to expand...
 
This is how I saw it when dating.

I had a fair few on the go during my PoF days and I did get to writing things down stage. Being single dad I typically went for single mums. Girls without kids mainly weren't interested, so I had to remember kids names etc. It's hard work seeing different ones every day. Good fun though.

I worked on the basis that I wouldn't sleep with them until I liked the whole package. Once decided and the deed done, I stopped seeing the others. Stayed friends with a few just in case.

It's good being in a relationship but miss the PoF days :)
 
Yes I miss the pof days too. Rather than living life trying to make a date happen it was a life filled with dates. Some were great, some not so great, being rejected, rejecting others, clicking with people.

Ahh good old pof :)
 
Little update - had one date with a lass that went alright but shes a bit younger than me and even though we got on well there wasn't much of a spark.

Had a date with another bird who was really hard work to talk to and I did wonder why she even bothered coming! I'm not Mr Outgoing/Talkative sometimes but she was really hard work.

Last night I had a date with a diff girl who is only a year older than me, shes a single mum which I was a really conflicted with prior to starting to look at dating as I didn't know whether I wanted to be with a woman who already had a child, but, I decided to give it a go and we really hit it off on texts before hand. We had a decent date last night just having a couple drinks and chatting in a local pub and then i dropped her off at home and she said she wanted to see me again which was a nice surprise as I'm a cruddy judge of how things go on dates. Also turns out shes actually a lot prettier than her pics too and after actually meeting her and speaking to her properly my views of dating women who already have a child has lessened dramatically for me. I think I had a preconceived notion that single mums are all crazy ass, mad women (rightly or wrongly!) and luckily she doesnt seem to be. We're still talking and stuff this morning so positives all round really.
 
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Guest2 said:
Does this mean i can have sex with all of them until i 'click' with one?
I don't think i would because i would feel harsh binning the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th place off,
but still.
Tell the girl you are not going to reply to her messages or even read them. Thats what a girl did to me and the reason i'm now on woman overdrive
Click to expand...

Do whatever you like, there are no set rules in life so there is no point asking that question. Just answer any questions asked honestly so that the women can make their own choices based on how you're choosing to live your life and whether they're happy to continue seeing you or not. If, that is, you want to be dating and having sex with multiple women.
 
The craziness usually comes later. Ask me how I know ;) :D

I think I'm going to give online dating a go. I've stammered since I was 4 which has always affected my confidence when talking to the opposite sex from a dating perspective. I've never let it hold me back in other aspects of me life so it's stupid that I let it have control over my relationships.

My ex stammered too which made things so much easier to strike up a conversation, something that I just won't go and do with a fluent person due to thinking stupid things such as 'will they think badly of me because of my speech'. I'm at a point now where I don't really care and it's time to put myself out of my comfort zone.

From a speech/confidence perspective, the only things that can come from this will be massively beneficial. Then again, ask me how confident I'll be feeling right before a first date, haha.
 
Good luck with the single mum thing. I couldn't do it. Not because of the crazy thing. (the can't am be crazy). But because especially in a new relationship I know I like to do lots of interesting things and not be unable to because of a child.

Its a big big thing to think about if it gets to being serious.
 
413x said:
Good luck with the single mum thing. I couldn't do it. Not because of the crazy thing. (the can't am be crazy). But because especially in a new relationship I know I like to do lots of interesting things and not be unable to because of a child.

Its a big big thing to think about if it gets to being serious.
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Same reason for me but you are they type of person who goes to work and likes to spend the rest of their time at home then single mums aren't so bad.
 
413x said:
Good luck with the single mum thing. I couldn't do it. Not because of the crazy thing. (the can't am be crazy). But because especially in a new relationship I know I like to do lots of interesting things and not be unable to because of a child.

Its a big big thing to think about if it gets to being serious.
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It was a first date, nothing serious, shes not one for rushing anything and neither am I so I won't be playing baby-daddy anytime soon - trust me.
Obviously if we started seeing each other more and it began to get serious down the line then i'd properly assess the situation and really think about how I feel about it but I don't see any need to over analyse it at such an early stage.

I imagine lots of single mums split the childrens time with the dads and often have other family members who are more than happy to look after them if needed. So whilst I can see your point about it being an inconvenience to doing "interesting things", its not a major hinderence really as arrangements can more than likely be made (I know this isn't the same for every single mother!)

malachi said:
Same reason for me but you are they type of person who goes to work and likes to spend the rest of their time at home then single mums aren't so bad.
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I've never been in that relationship dynamic before so not sure how it would play out.
 
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As long as no one's time gets wasted. As in I wouldn't even go on a first days. I had my time wasted a bit just because the girl doesn't make it clear what she was after. If you don't know that's fine. Or if both parties are on the same page.

I can't imagine it's easy being a single parent looking to date.
 
My only two filters for dating sites are 'no kids' and 'not a few extra pounds / bbw'
Had mates who have dates single miums and the kids / father always got in the way of doing things. E.g you arrange a night out or day away and the father accidentally on purpose picks the child up late so the evening is wrecked.
Had a date friday, went well and there was definately a spark. Got a date tomorrow and tuesday with different woment. If anything, its a great confidence builder :)
 
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