Lunch with the opposite sex

Freefaller · 4 Jul 2017 at 10:17

Fireskull said:

Except for you sexy xxx

Freefaller · 4 Jul 2017 at 10:19

Clov!s said:
People react to this discussion like 2 people are having a candle lit dinner with romantic music when in reality it's more of a quick lunch in a noisy pub or bar.

Married or not, people can have friends of the opposite sex and not cheat, is there no trust anymore?

Indeed.

My wife would never find it odd that I have lunch with either a colleague or a friend who is female.

MikeTheNative · 4 Jul 2017 at 10:21

Freefaller said:
Indeed.

My wife would never find it odd that I have lunch with either a colleague or a friend who is female.

My GF has male friends and goes to lunch with just them quite often, it doesn't bother me at all.

Roar87 · 4 Jul 2017 at 10:34

Freefaller said:
Indeed.

My wife would never find it odd that I have lunch with either a colleague or a friend who is female.

I bet she would find it odd if you were regularly going for lunch with a female friend, but I also doubt you'd put her in that position to begin with.

I'd find it odd if my girlfriend was going for lunch with a male friend regularly, I trust her but I know what men are like. The exceptions would generally be men who are a fair bit older and in a relationship, or people I explicitly know and trust, or like family members.

Tone1979 · 4 Jul 2017 at 10:36

Django x2 said:
Fixed!

Raz · 4 Jul 2017 at 11:01

Clov!s said:
No, why does that matter?

I've been in long term relationships and wouldn't be bothered at all if she'd have had lunch or a meal with another guy.

It's a different situation if it's a home cooked meal for e.g. but a public place? Honestly who cares? No trust then you should be single.

Just asking as you mentioned it but re-read it and saw that you said 'married or not'

If it works for you then fine, but we just need to accept it's not for everyone. You may not have any ulterior motives but you can't always be sure for the other person.

And since people are saying that there's no issue with having friends of the opposite sex and having lunch with them would it be the same in a different scenario? What if you/your partner went out after work for a drink and a movie with someone of the opposite sex?

hornetstinger · 4 Jul 2017 at 11:08

Raz said:
Just asking as you mentioned it but re-read it and saw that you said 'married or not'

If it works for you then fine, but we just need to accept it's not for everyone. You may not have any ulterior motives but you can't always be sure for the other person.

And since people are saying that there's no issue with having friends of the opposite sex and having lunch with them would it be the same in a different scenario? What if you/your partner went out after work for a drink and a movie with someone of the opposite sex?

The question is

"are they hotter than me?"

Freefaller · 4 Jul 2017 at 11:11

Roar87 said:
I bet she would find it odd if you were regularly going for lunch with a female friend, but I also doubt you'd put her in that position to begin with.

I'd find it odd if my girlfriend was going for lunch with a male friend regularly, I trust her but I know what men are like. The exceptions would generally be men who are a fair bit older and in a relationship, or people I explicitly know and trust, or like family members.

Define regularly? I used to have a friday coffee "date" with a good friend/colleague of mine. We're both married, but it was our "thing". A good time to escape from the office, chat on life, the universe and bitch about people at work!

That's just one example. Heck I went out with 3 women from work for a few drinks - my wife didn't even flinch. She knows these people too - in fact they came round a couple of weekends ago for a bbq. I don't see a fine line between friends and other things - for me it's quite a clear line. But I'm not alpha male probably...

balky12 · 4 Jul 2017 at 11:12

Not weird at all. I have made many friends through work who are female. Many of us have since gone our separate ways and lunch/ dinner/ drinks are the only way we can see each other for a decent catch up.

I even tell me partner about said activities... The horror!!! /sarcasm

FortuitousFluke · 4 Jul 2017 at 11:14

No issue with this, my partner goes for dinner, drinks, gigs etc with male friends, I have no concerns at all about it. I also dont think she has any concerns about me doing the same, though I have fewer female friends than she does male.

adam cool dude · 4 Jul 2017 at 11:22

My missus would go ballistic if I had lunch with another women and me as well. I can talk work with colleagues no problem but just do not have conversation with women as I am a bit of mans man. Talking about footie, games, cars etc I could have conversations for hours. The woman of my life on the other hand we can talk about anything together that is why she is the woman of my life. Men and women cannot be friends at least that's the way both me and my partner see it.

The thing is we do everything together as we are a couple. If there was ever a reason to go for a lunch she would be with me and vice versa. The only time we ever do things separate is when it is specific things we hate.

dl8860 · 4 Jul 2017 at 12:00

Interesting take Adam.

Would you think it inappropriate for your wife to get a lift with another single guy, just the two of them? Just wonder how far it goes.

Roar87 · 4 Jul 2017 at 12:15

Freefaller said:
Define regularly? I used to have a friday coffee "date" with a good friend/colleague of mine. We're both married, but it was our "thing". A good time to escape from the office, chat on life, the universe and bitch about people at work!

That's just one example. Heck I went out with 3 women from work for a few drinks - my wife didn't even flinch. She knows these people too - in fact they came round a couple of weekends ago for a bbq. I don't see a fine line between friends and other things - for me it's quite a clear line. But I'm not alpha male probably...

Those are a bit different though, one's coffee with a work colleague who's married and the other is out with 3 different women who your wife knows. These are all work colleagues so there's good reason for going out, obviously socialising with work colleagues is important. It might be different if you were going out on dinner dates with a female friend, say every few weeks, or do you not think? Thinking about it, for me it becomes weird when it could be viewed from an outside perspective that you are a romantic couple on a date. So if you're out with a female work colleague chatting and having lunch at 1pm, that's not gonna be a problem, if it's 7pm and you're both dressed up nice at a restaurant, that probably would be weird.

Freefaller · 4 Jul 2017 at 12:22

Roar87 said:
Those are a bit different though, one's coffee with a work colleague who's married and the other is out with 3 different women who your wife knows. These are all work colleagues so there's good reason for going out, obviously socialising with work colleagues is important. It might be different if you were going out on dinner dates with a female friend, say every few weeks, or do you not think? Thinking about it, for me it becomes weird when it could be viewed from an outside perspective that you are a romantic couple on a date. So if you're out with a female work colleague chatting and having lunch at 1pm, that's not gonna be a problem, if it's 7pm and you're both dressed up nice at a restaurant, that probably would be weird.

I don't think it's weird. I've been out for dinner with family (be it cousin, sister or whatever). Man and woman. If people assume we're dating then it's their skewed perception of "normal". I don't get why it would necessarily be seen as a "date". Why does time have an effect?

Ayahuasca · 4 Jul 2017 at 12:23

Even at work it's clearly an environment where it allows for opportunity, the number of office romances and affairs that take place isn't uncommon at all, it's quite natural when people spend time together socialising that feelings can escalate to more than friends and this is regardless of the profession you're in and why some companies have policies in place to prevent people doing so.

CaptainComedy · 4 Jul 2017 at 12:37

that's a crap chart, there are so many factors. Is it family? Is it a long term friend? a colleague? are there mitigating circumstances such as on a course together or it would be odd NOT to?

but forget all that, lets just put some stats together.

Edrof · 4 Jul 2017 at 12:46

CaptainComedy said:
that's a crap chart, there are so many factors. Is it family? Is it a long term friend? a colleague? are there mitigating circumstances such as on a course together or it would be odd NOT to?

but forget all that, lets just put some stats together.

Agreed. You can't help who you become true friends with - it's a compatibility thing, not something dictated by gender or age.

adam cool dude · 4 Jul 2017 at 13:33

dl8860 said:
Interesting take Adam.

Would you think it inappropriate for your wife to get a lift with another single guy, just the two of them? Just wonder how far it goes.

This would be of no problem. When we were younger we used to work together and she would get lifts all the time as I would often work late and she wouldn't want to wait in the canteen. We do not work together anymore as children put an end to that but she will give people lifts home male and female as this is purely a good Samaritan thing. Going out on a social date with the opposite sex to say the movies or lunch just seems strange to both of us. If there is a film on at the Cinema we will watch it together or if we go out to eat we will do it together. Only things like going to a concert/shopping she will go alone but she is with women or when I go do track days I am with men for example.

Tosno · 4 Jul 2017 at 14:09

Boys and girls can't be friends.

A girl is only interested in a man A) Sexually or B) he has something offer non sexually to be used as a beta orbiter for her

Likewise Chad isn't going to dinner with that 94inch hip monster from the daily mail yesterday.

It is no wonder 1 in 10 men are rising another man's child unknown to them when they are like 'Oh, my business partner goes for dinners, drinks, gigs, etc (ect = sex) with male friends and I'm totes cool with it.'

Ayahuasca · 4 Jul 2017 at 14:16