Lunch with the opposite sex

CosmicClown · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:10

It amazes me how many people actively cheat when they are in a relationship. This usually occurs through a workplace as well.

There's at least a dozen people where I work who have cheated on their partners on 'Work nights out' yet their partners are the same sort of people who try and justify it in their own head by saying 'But mine wouldn't do that'.

Women and men are always on the lookout for something better...

Ayahuasca · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:17

CosmicClown said:
It amazes me how many people actively cheat when they are in a relationship. This usually occurs through a workplace as well.

There's at least a dozen people where I work who have cheated on their partners on 'Work nights out' yet their partners are the same sort of people who try and justify it in their own head by saying 'But mine wouldn't do that'.

Women and men are always on the lookout for something better...

Freefaller · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:25

CosmicClown said:
Women and men are always on the lookout for something better...

Bold statement. Inaccurate too.

d_brennen · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:30

I've several female friends and never cheated with anyone. If the Mrs did, she'd be for the high jump and I hold myself to the same standard.

Rroff · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:30

Clov!s said:
You have a good friend you haven't seen in 12 months, she wants to meet up and catch up, what do you say?

I've a couple of friends of the other sex who we go back a long way but don't see each other that often - one of them I don't know her other half really at all and though we occasionally catch up one or other of us always brings someone else along, the other I know her boyfriend well enough and he has no problem with us hanging out from time to time - which sometimes ends up just the two of us as we tend to outlast most people on a night out these days. It can be a complicated situation.

antijoke · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:33

Rroff said:
I've a couple of friends of the other sex who we go back a long way but don't see each other that often - one of them I don't know her other half really at all and though we occasionally catch up one or other of us always brings someone else along, the other I know her boyfriend well enough and he has no problem with us hanging out from time to time - which sometimes ends up just the two of us as we tend to outlast most people on a night out these days. It can be a complicated situation.

You see outlasting other people on a night out is not the same in my eyes, I wonder how everyone involved would feel if you specifically asked just this person out for a night out alone, just the two of you, I wonder if everyone would be so cool.

Ayahuasca · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:34

Freefaller said:
Bold statement. Inaccurate too.

It's not wholly inaccurate, I mean in most other areas in life we're always looking for something better so why would sexual selection be any different. It's quite apparent you're very secure in yourself and have formed great relationships around you with strong moral codes but I'm pretty sure you realise the vast majority of the population aren't in the same position.

antijoke said:
You see outlasting other people on a night out is not the same in my eyes, I wonder how everyone involved would feel if you specifically asked just this person out for a night out alone, just the two of you, I wonder if everyone would be so cool.

Well that's an entirely different situation, then you're excluding your friends to spend time with one specific person which is obviously going to look weird. Anyway if you can't trust your friends with your partner then I'd say considering them as such is a stretch.

h4rm0ny · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:36

Ayahuasca - you're killing me with these replies!

I still meet up sometimes with a former colleague of the opposite sex. Mainly because we hate all the same things and people so it's nice to spend a lunch break complaining and insulting them together. It's not a sexual thing. Tosno can make any assertions they like but the simple fact that many of us DO have friends of the opposite sex without any misbehaviour disproves such statements by their simple existence.

antijoke · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:37

Ayahuasca said:
Well that's an entirely different situation, then you're excluding your friends to spend time with one specific person which is obviously going to look weird. Anyway if you can't trust your friends with your partner then I'd say considering them as such is a stretch.

Which is what the whole topic is about, and you end up agreeing it looks weird.

h4rm0ny said:
Ayahuasca - you're killing me with these replies!

I still meet up sometimes with a former colleague of the opposite sex. Mainly because we hate all the same things and people so it's nice to spend a lunch break complaining and insulting them together. It's not a sexual thing. Tosno can make any assertions they like but the simple fact that many of us DO have friends of the opposite sex without any misbehaviour disproves such statements by their simple existence.

Secretly you fancy her, but you are in her friends zone, you're just not that attractive.

Rroff · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:40

antijoke said:
You see outlasting other people on a night out is not the same in my eyes, I wonder how everyone involved would feel if you specifically asked just this person out for a night out alone, just the two of you, I wonder if everyone would be so cool.

Tends to be the other way around - she sometimes hits me up for drinks - I still feel kind of awkward of asking her to catch up sometime in that respect, as she is with someone, despite us having a long standing friendship (and no other interest atleast on my part) going back way before she met her current BF.

Actually kind of funny - try to get a night out going with old friends and everyone is like yeah lets do that and then when it comes to it hardly anyone turns up/makes their excuses - mention that a couple of us are going out that is already planned and suddenly everyone wants in :s

Ayahuasca · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:41

antijoke said:
Which is what the whole topic is about, and you end up agreeing it looks weird.

The topic isn't about a specific scenario and definitely doesn't mention a night out together, a drink with someone of the opposite sex is the closest the poll comes to that and that's a bit different.

dl8860 · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:41

antijoke said:
In all honesty I do not have that many female friends. None of which would I necessarily go and meet on a one on one basis.

Do you have a partner out of curiosity?

I mean I don't have a tonne of female friends either, but the thought of not feeling comfortable about meeting in a public place for just like a quick drink or lunch or something just sounds strange.

Will be married 2 years in August, together for 10 years as of this month.

I suppose if I organised a fully-fledged night out with a female friend which included just the two of us having lots of drinks and not getting home until 2am, then I can start to see that might be inappropriate. So I guess it's a sliding scale, and as usual, we all sit in different places along it.

Yours works for you and mine works for me

antijoke · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:43

Ayahuasca said:
The topic isn't about a specific scenario and definitely doesn't mention a night out together, a drink with someone of the opposite sex is the closest the poll comes to that and that's a bit different.

A majority of women, and nearly half of men, say it’s unacceptable to have dinner or drinks alone with someone of the opposite sex other than their spouse.

It's right there.

dl8860 said:
I mean I don't have a tonne of female friends either, but the thought of not feeling comfortable about meeting in a public place for just like a quick drink or lunch or something just sounds strange.

Will be married 2 years in August, together for 10 years as of this month.

I suppose if I organised a fully-fledged night out with a female friend which included just the two of us having lots of drinks and not getting home until 2am, then I can start to see that might be inappropriate. So I guess it's a sliding scale, and as usual, we all sit in different places along it.

Yours works for you and mine works for me

I wonder how your partner really feels deep down about it all, I mean I fully know my girlfriends stance on it, bu tI wonder how honest your partner is/has been in the past as to avoid any confrontation of such scenarios.

It's a really interesting topic of discussion, one which would be interesting to have in a room in front of our partners after a few drinks to get the real discussion points out in the open.

Ayahuasca · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:44

antijoke said:
It's right there.

That to me doesn't read as a night out together clubbing till early hours but make of it what you will.

krooton · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:45

I have twice as many close female friends as I do male ones, and nothing has ever happened with any of them, regardless of the status of our relationships at any given time. And no, I'm not a fogbeast, and neither are they.

My gf let me go on a 2 week cruise with my seconded closes female friend, didn't even bat an eyelid. Her best friend is also her ex of like 5 years, and I trust them fully. Y'all been watching too much TruTV.

Rroff · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:45

Ayahuasca said:
That to me doesn't read as a night out together clubbing till early hours but make of it what you will.

Its all part of the broad context though. I don't think there is really one answer to it though.

Swifty55 · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:48

I normally eat out my female friends with no issues... Wait, I mean eat out with them.

tom_e · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:49

Freefaller said:
Not sure if serious.... If not serious that's a cracking post!! If you are serious you need to grow up!

Tonso is totes srs, you'd know this if you weren't a massive beta.

Ayahuasca · 4 Jul 2017 at 16:54

Rroff said:
Its all part of the broad context though. I don't think there is really one answer to it though.

Indeed and I've mentioned this earlier in the thread.

All the poll tells us is that some people are insecure and others aren't but then there's specifics in both groups and even the thought process of receiving those questions will trigger different scenarios in peoples minds. For example asking someone who's partner doesn't already drink or eat with someone else of the opposite sex is going to form a different picture in their mind to someone else who's partner does.

dl8860 · 4 Jul 2017 at 17:02

antijoke said:
I wonder how your partner really feels deep down about it all, I mean I fully know my girlfriends stance on it, bu tI wonder how honest your partner is/has been in the past as to avoid any confrontation of such scenarios.

It's a really interesting topic of discussion, one which would be interesting to have in a room in front of our partners after a few drinks to get the real discussion points out in the open.

Well at uni I lived with 5 girls for a year (I was the only guy, had been with wife [then gf] for 2.5 years at the time), so from there onwards meeting a female friend for lunch doesn't look too bad!