Soldato
no one on here knows me really in person so figured i'd post here.
This is a bit of a me, me, me post and i have no idea if i should post it but i go to university next week which i thought would never happen. I spend so long trying to play things down i think so don't read or complain if you are not bothered as it is long and boring. Thank you. This is something i was thinking about for the last couple of weeks - contemplation and reflection about how my life has gone over the last 10 years.
10 years ago - 2007, I was a 26yr old finance analyst ambitious in finance, living at home as couldn't afford to race and have a house, racing a sponsored motorbike having just won a 600cc championship and dating a beautiful girl with lots of friends and a fantastic, if irresponsible (lol), life I would say.
Fast forward 10 years and a serious accident later to being a 36yr old eternal singleton and in that time I have managed to do quite a bit including screw various things up with various people for which i will always be sorry and regretful but i have to live with these mistakes, learn from them and try to never make them again. Lost a lot of friends due to giving up a hobby through injury and am more careful about them now to keep a very small circle of friends. Going from one extreme to the other is a daily occurrence now as a result of my issues and i have learnt to temper it over time but in some ways it has also been a benefit as it has encouraged me to learn to walk again and do more extreme things from organising a football game to raising thousands of pounds for Scope cycling between countries and being asked to give a dinner speech in Paris (my proudest moment!) to doing various DIY to racing in time trials and at velodromes to learning how to snowboard to cycling up Mt Ventoux in the Alps to having tattoos to taking off to Australia to see a friend to taking a big risk of redundancy to living in a hotel at the other end of the country for months to owning a Porsche 911 (dream car) to being a best man for one of my best mates to owning a motorbike again (sorry mum) to going back to college and taking an almighty risk. Now i sit at home- in my own home! With an option of following a complete tangent career change into university to study Physiotherapy having had a career in finance, planning and then NHS finance, LGV driver, bin man and carer - last 4 in the last month! There is still so much i want to do and experience that i will never be completely happy or complete in myself i feel - always with a hopeful and jealous pang in my heart when i see how others are and it looks genuinely fantastic to me and i am so happy for them. I am proud of so much i have done but i can't help feeling sad about some things of which i have been told i am too hard on myself but it turns out that my 'perfectionism' issue can be a great thing but also my biggest flaw to happiness.
Please don't think this is a 'woe is me' thread. It is purely a reflection and i had to put it into words to order it and think more.
Life is fantastic and beautiful but i live in a fear that something will go change my life again and that makes me so wary i don't dare to enjoy it just in case and always have a back up - i am a proper 'sad act' now lol....
Onto the next chapter.
How has your life gone over the last 10 years?
This is a bit of a me, me, me post and i have no idea if i should post it but i go to university next week which i thought would never happen. I spend so long trying to play things down i think so don't read or complain if you are not bothered as it is long and boring. Thank you. This is something i was thinking about for the last couple of weeks - contemplation and reflection about how my life has gone over the last 10 years.
10 years ago - 2007, I was a 26yr old finance analyst ambitious in finance, living at home as couldn't afford to race and have a house, racing a sponsored motorbike having just won a 600cc championship and dating a beautiful girl with lots of friends and a fantastic, if irresponsible (lol), life I would say.
Fast forward 10 years and a serious accident later to being a 36yr old eternal singleton and in that time I have managed to do quite a bit including screw various things up with various people for which i will always be sorry and regretful but i have to live with these mistakes, learn from them and try to never make them again. Lost a lot of friends due to giving up a hobby through injury and am more careful about them now to keep a very small circle of friends. Going from one extreme to the other is a daily occurrence now as a result of my issues and i have learnt to temper it over time but in some ways it has also been a benefit as it has encouraged me to learn to walk again and do more extreme things from organising a football game to raising thousands of pounds for Scope cycling between countries and being asked to give a dinner speech in Paris (my proudest moment!) to doing various DIY to racing in time trials and at velodromes to learning how to snowboard to cycling up Mt Ventoux in the Alps to having tattoos to taking off to Australia to see a friend to taking a big risk of redundancy to living in a hotel at the other end of the country for months to owning a Porsche 911 (dream car) to being a best man for one of my best mates to owning a motorbike again (sorry mum) to going back to college and taking an almighty risk. Now i sit at home- in my own home! With an option of following a complete tangent career change into university to study Physiotherapy having had a career in finance, planning and then NHS finance, LGV driver, bin man and carer - last 4 in the last month! There is still so much i want to do and experience that i will never be completely happy or complete in myself i feel - always with a hopeful and jealous pang in my heart when i see how others are and it looks genuinely fantastic to me and i am so happy for them. I am proud of so much i have done but i can't help feeling sad about some things of which i have been told i am too hard on myself but it turns out that my 'perfectionism' issue can be a great thing but also my biggest flaw to happiness.
Please don't think this is a 'woe is me' thread. It is purely a reflection and i had to put it into words to order it and think more.
Life is fantastic and beautiful but i live in a fear that something will go change my life again and that makes me so wary i don't dare to enjoy it just in case and always have a back up - i am a proper 'sad act' now lol....
Onto the next chapter.
How has your life gone over the last 10 years?