Funeral speech

Tacitus

Tacitus

Tacitus

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Right, denizens of the internet,

I have never had a family member die since I was about 5 or 6, and I have never been to a funeral. I am now 23.

The unfortunate happened, I lost a grandparent, and I have been asked to speak at her funeral. I know my close family, ie, my aunties, uncles, cousins etc, but not her siblings, friends etc.

What does one do? How do you start a speech at a funeral, how humorous should I try and be (given I am light hearted generally, but her siblings and more remote family might not know that)?

How long should I speak for?

I just don't even know where to start. Could anyone give me some pointers?

Thanks in advance.
 
My dad died recently, i couldn't speak at his funeral but one of his oldest friends did..

I'd say about 4-5 minutes maximum, talk about funny memories, their character, what they meant to everyone, how they left their mark on the world etc.. Make sure you speak with the person holding the service so you don't end up speaking after them with a speech full of things they have just said, so make sure your stories etc are different.

Funeral speeches aren't too bad, because you can't really do it wrong.. Even if you break down in tears people will understand..

and i am sorry for your loss.
 
If you have funny memories, then share them. Laughing through tears is pretty normal. It'll show how much she touched your life. Most old people have accepted that their only lasting influence is through their grandkids, so it's always nice for others to see that she made an impression that will last forever.
 
Thanks to all who have replied so far.

I think those are the two aspects I want to focus - the funny memories/anecdotes and the contribution she has made to my life. I just am not sure if the former is appropriate at a funeral.
 
Tacitus said:
Thanks to all who have replied so far.

I think those are the two aspects I want to focus - the funny memories/anecdotes and the contribution she has made to my life. I just am not sure if the former is appropriate at a funeral.
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If your nan was funny, it will be more than apt. If she wasn't, then perhaps not :P
 
Tacitus said:
Thanks to all who have replied so far.

I think those are the two aspects I want to focus - the funny memories/anecdotes and the contribution she has made to my life. I just am not sure if the former is appropriate at a funeral.
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As long as you're showing her to be the funny one and how you will remember her it's fine. It's when you start to become the focus by trying to be the comedian that the line is crossed. So don't you try to be funny, let her be funny, if you get what i mean.
 
Make the speech match their personality, not yours.

If they were funny, be funny, if they were serious, be serious.

Speak to family members and friends beforehand, get some fond memories, what do you remember most, what are you going to miss. What did she love? what was she passionate about?
 
arby1 said:
As long as you're showing her to be the funny one and how you will remember her it's fine. It's when you start to become the focus by trying to be the comedian that the line is crossed. So don't you try to be funny, let her be funny, if you get what i mean.
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Perfect explanation.

My condolences.
 
My condolences, don't do an Earl Spencer, (not that I suspect you will...), his using of the Abbey's podium for a personal rant will go down in the history of tasteless funeral speeches. Speak more slowly than you probably feel is normal and quite loudly, old people and church acoustics don't go well with mumbling and timidity! The number of times I have heard some old buffer say "Couldn't hear a word young Ponsonby was saying, waste of damned time him being up there?" I 100% agree with arby1 re the humour.
 
When my father died both me and my brother did a speech at his funeral.

My speech was a mixture of my memories of him , some personal and some funny which other people would enjoy.

My brother's was short, sweet and plagiarism but brought everyone to tears. Especially poignant because my father was critically ill with multiple sclerosis in the last years of his life


"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend."
 
Sorry for your loss, and good luck.

I did a speech when my grandfather died when I was about your age. I found that once I had started writing, it was relatively easy to continue. I spoke about what I knew of his life, things he would have been proud of having achieved (fighting in WW2 for example), about the affect he had had on my life and how he had helped me develop into the person I am now.

As others have said, if they were humorous then that's completely appropriate. I went to the funeral of a friend's father recently. He was young, as is his son, and so they had a lot of banter between each other and that was very evident in the speech. His character came across wonderfully.

If you have a moment while you're speaking, stop for a moment and breathe deeply - everyone will understand and frankly, it's endearing.

As long as you don't poo on their memory, you will be fine.
 
For humour you really need to know the audience and the person - as someone said above a good moment for humour is events in that person's life that will give everyone that knew them a wry moment of reflection.

Ultimately though you talk about what the person meant to you.
 
Sorry for your loss.

My dad died (very suddenly) about 18 months ago. I made myself do the speech even though it was probably the most difficult thing I've ever done.

I made the speech funny, because that'd what my dad would have wanted. It lasted about 10-12 minutes. I crafted it to include some humorous stories and ended on something for everyone there to remember dad by (a more serious ending).

It went down very well. Happy to share the speech if you like, but most of it will only really make sense to people who knew my dad.
 
I'd echo those above who say to tailor it to her personality, and remember that it's her who should be coming across, which I'm sure you will.

My dad died when I was 22, and I couldn't bring myself to speak at the funeral itself (my uncle did instead), but did instead at a sort of celebration of his life event we had a few weeks later. The atmosphere was much more about retelling funny stories and good memories, and relaxed enough for me to at least talk. That said, I don't remember a word of my actual speech, it's simply gone from my memory - though I remember the rest of the day pretty well.

As such, I can't offer any useful specifics, but good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss.
 
One approach is to do the speech as though it's a 'letter' to the person which has died. I've seen it done this way a couple of times, and I think it works very well.
 
When my gran died, my uncle emailed everyone in the family asking for memories.
He compiled it all into a speech summing up her life and including those memories.
Worked really well.
 
You could also do a reading or a poem if you don't know what to say.

Only been to a couple of funerals but in those there was the main eulogy and then some readings by family.

Remember no-one is there to judge and all that really matters is that you think she would approve :)
 
I've never been to a funeral where someone has got up to speak. Only thought it was something you seen in telly programmes and movies.
 
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