Sister emotionally blackmailed away mums pension

TheOracle said:
Something did happen to my sister about 20 years ago but mum could never get her to open up about it. I may know a mutual friend who may know so that maybe an avenue to try.
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who gives a F, whatever happened doesn't excuse this current action.
TheOracle said:
My mum has given her thousands, she admitted that.....but her pension isn't all gone and she assures me she is financially ok.
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i thought you said she was going to use her last 2k?
i think you need a serious talk w/ CAB to see how relevant Boycey's post is, and you need to check the house situation and see who's got title to it.
 
Sounds like your parents fault for letting her walk all over them, and what sort of loon buys someone a house that can not hold down a job, knowing they won't be able to keep up with bills etc
 
Disgusting way to treat your parents :(

Unfortunately it does sound like they haven't helped the situation.

If you keep on giving to people like this, they will keep on taking and never be self sufficient.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Sister needs a harsh lesson in reality.
 
Late to the party...

robfosters said:
I hate to say it about your own family, but your sister and her other half are parasites. You say early in the post that it’s none of your business, I’m sorry, but if it’s your mum and Dad physically, emotionally and financially suffering, then it’s absolutely your business. You have to get involved before it’s too late and their health starts suffering.
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but exactly this.

@TheOracle you need to be very careful with how you approach all of this.

I would first talk to your Mum about what you've stumbled across. She's obviously ashamed/embarrassed enough by it all not to have told your Dad any of it.

This sounds like it might have been going on for years, and if your Dad is none the wiser to any of it, he might feel completely betrayed to by his wife.

Not only for all the lying, but also if your mum has drained all their savings/pension of which he might have no idea, and that they both require to survive on.

You then need to sit down with both of them and he needs to be told everything.

Only then when they're both on the same page can you all decide what the next steps will be.

They might lean on you a bit more for assurances that they're doing the right thing, and telling your sister that enough is enough.

You might need to sit down and work out with them how much they've financially invested in your sisters property, and who is also named on the property.

The bottom line really is that your mum needs to stop funnelling money over to your sister, based on what you're saying, your mum is clearly scared that her daughter will get into debt and will lose the house that they've invested heavily in. But your mum needs to realise that if she and your dad run out of money, that could quite possibly happen anyway.


I'm gathering based on all of this, that your relationship with your sister isn't too good either? Frankly if my brother ever milked my parents because of pure greed, i could never forgive him.
 
Semple said:
The bottom line really is that your mum needs to stop funnelling money over to your sister, based on what you're saying, your mum is clearly scared that her daughter will get into debt and will lose the house that they've invested heavily in. But your mum needs to realise that if she and your dad run out of money, that could quite possibly happen anyway.
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This, the fear is that the house will be lost but is she doesn't change her ways and begin to support her own lifestyle then the fact of the matter is that the house will be lost anyway, it's just going to happen in 5 years time when your parents are left with nothing, and quite possibly the disturbing thought of renting/paying off a mortgage well into their retirement having taking money out of their own property. Thankfully it's likely that's not a step that your mum could take without the knowledge of your Dad and he sounds a bit more balanced about the situation.

I'd just like to say to the OP that I admire what you're doing and to stay the course because the likelihood is that this situation gets worse before it gets better, but keep in mind that sometimes people won't change, and I'm applying that to your parents and your sister, eventually there might come a point where you have to admit to yourself that you've done all you can and just let them manage the situation themselves for better or worse, I hope you recognise when/if that time comes because these family situations can be emotionally exhausting, even I got quite angry/upset reading through your OP and I don't even know you.
 
TheOracle said:
Mum says he does....but I'm seeing him next week so will talk to him then.
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Just read the last few updates.

As you had a chat with just your mum, i would definitely have a chat with your dad about it.

You've gotta look at it this way, if your sister has manipulated your mother into giving her money and covering it up/not telling your dad.

Then she could just as well by lying to you about your dad knowing the full extent of it all.
 
Man this is awful to read. Mum is bound to be defensive, you would be! She doesn't want to feel like she's being made a mug out of, but she is. Your sister sounds like she's always had someone to fall back on, so always will. She needs a short sharp shock.
 
Even though it has zero impact on me, the more I think about this when I read the thread updates the more it winds me up that there are people in the world that pull **** like this!

My view on your mum's response to your call is that she isn't telling you the truth and she is covering for her daughter, the same way she covers for her in front of your dad.

She is probably embarrassed about the situation, she knows she has been made a mug by your sister.

I hope I am wrong.......

Best of luck with this OP, I hope it all turns out well for you and more importantly your parents!
 
From a purely financial point of view I myself would investigate a way of getting the property into your (a) parent's name(s), even if it meant subterfuge (buy it for a song in agreement of another loan, have it put into trust with Draconian clauses, whatever, a good solicitor could advise what could be done). Then at least a major asset that sounds in a precarious position could be secured. Hell it sounds like a nightmare, but you need to ensure your parent's assets don't evaporate any more. It sounds like they morally own the damn place anyway!
 
Can' s an easy way out of this one without the family being torn apart.

Your sister is a parasite as said but your mum is (imo) to blame.
If someone (sister) is that way inclined then giving everything is doing no one any good.

It' eeffectively rewarding bad behaviour
 
Any chance you can get power of attorney over there finances. preferably durable that way you can pull the plug on your sister, also you can pay for the land registry records of the house your sisters in to see who owns it probably worth the £3 to know for certain.
 
This all sounds too familiar. My brother and sister have both squandered thousands off my parents in one way or the other. My sister (due to insisting she HAS to keep horses) has to budget literally everything to the penny and rely on handouts and people doing favours for her and giving her sympathy. Its frustrating considering how hard I work for everything and because people just come to expect it from her that I get hassled for the 25€ it cost to send me a parcel yet she won't get chased for the grand it cost to ship over some sofas she was given.

And people have already said. Your parents have compounded the issue. They're too used to taking advantage and still being full time parents instead of making the sister and husband stand on their own two feet. It gets to a stage where your parents will know that they need to stop but they've gone so far with it they end up just making the situation worse and worse "just a few month hundred here and thats it!"

Who here has ever had a terrible car and said this line more than once? It's the same thing. :p You mentally go past the point of no return and are determined not to let YOUR hard work fail even if you should have cut your losses a long time ago.

There will only be a complete change if your parents cut off the money 100% and stop doing everything for them. And ignore the "for the baby" excuses. If they stand firm and realise that won't get them anywhere they'll probably change tactics a few times and eventually cave because they HAVE to do something of their own.

Honestly, I think this is your parents fault more than anyones.
 
Mattyjw said:
pay for the land registry records of the house your sisters in to see who owns it probably worth the £3 to know for certain.
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This, a 1000x this. It gives you knowledge. If the house is in your sisters name then she could easily just sell it and bugger off with the money.. If its in your parents name that its a bit safer.
 
Your sister is a bit of a **** but those decisions are ultimately your parents' to make. If you are worried about their finacial future, you should probably intervene(talk to them) but if you are worried about your sister getting hand outs while you get nothing, it's probably best to stay away .
 
It's sad, but when your parents are gone, who is she going to lean on? Probably you since the husband is useless! She will learn a very hard lesson one day but it's a necessary one.

Luckily my parents know when to say get lost to my sister (who is a much less extreme version of this). Her and her bloke have descent jobs so it's not so bad.
 
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Rob needs speaking to. Your sister needs speaking to.

Both need to be told to sort themselves out and that's by your parents. Every parent has love for their child and will help them in the time of need but this is taking the wee.
 
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