The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

@Tingle It also sounds to me like you are different people and heading in different directions. You are, quite rightly, trying to do well at work. This will put you in good stead for the future, either with her or in another relationship. I can understand her wanting to spend more time with you But circumstances change as we go through life and both sides should be understanding of the other. You are both now in a different world of work compared to uni. What worked then won't necessarily work now.

One thing I do see from your post, which I have commented on several times previously such as in this thread: https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/posts/31417116/, is that she doesn't like some of your friends. Looking back I've noticed a pattern of the women in my life trying ot distance me from male friends. At the time I allowed it to happen. But realising it now I would stand my ground and not allow them to influence me in that way.
 
Work/life balance in a relationship is a difficult one - it’s caused many an argument in our house. The problem was that my soon-to-be ex-wife had the bog-standard 9-5 office job, whereas mine is similar but due to the nature of the business (design agency specialising in advertising and marketing) is a lot more deadline-driven and often calls for additional hours. I tried on many an occasion to explain this, all to no avail.

What I’ve never had - and wouldn’t put up with - was a woman who tried to stop me seeing friends who I’d known longer than her or who gave me an ultimatum of them or her. That is just flat-out unreasonable and smacks of control-freakery - she may be sensitive, but she’s completely insensitive to your perspective. You mention being at university, so I’m assuming you’re in your early 20s - precisely the time when getting your career established is a high priority.

I’d say you need to sit down, both sides put their metaphorical ‘cards on the table’ and see if you can find some common ground - be prepared to call it quits if needs be.
 
Tingle said:
Looking for a bit of advice on this one.
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My ex used to do some of this. She worked in her own little office in a dead end job with a very low workload and so could be on the phone whenever and as much as she wanted. I work in a job with lots of career progression for people putting effort in, in a busy open plan office with far too much work to be doing (most of the time :p) sit on my phone. Often I would go hours without checking my phone if I didn't hear it going off. She took my lack of replies personally quite often despite me explaining why but it caused many an argument.

Before we lived together she used to want to call me every night. Bearing in mind this is after texting all day so I would literally have nothing to say :o

She never changed and ultimately it was one of the many contributing factors to our break up (but by no means one of the biggest ones!).

Can't believe its over 6 months since we split up now :eek:

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who lived that far away either. So many problems can be solved by being able to talk face to face on a whim (or with bedroom acrobatics).
 
ci_newman said:
If it's any conselation, the little one won't remember you in a few weeks time :( Your departure wont have any long term effects on him (it's a small solace, I know...)
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I know, it's quite sad to think, but that's what i'm using to help deal with it. Which is why I left now, instead of trying again and it be 6 months a year down the line, it'll be even harder.

Hades said:
That's tough. But on the positive side it's better that you break up now than in a year or two when he would remember, and miss you. Also looking on the positive side you got to know what it's like to look after a child. So it will probably help you focus on the next relationship and long term goals.

That's probably not much help to you right now. But it may help knowing it long term.
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Yeah, it's hard, like really hard but also so rewarding. I want to concentrate on me and my career so that's what i'm hoping will keep me going.
 
I really dont understand women,one day shes fine then the next totally cold and very quiet. (shes not my gf btw)

Like we messaged on whatsap ,one another for ages yesterday,from the afternoon till like 5am the next morning,now today its like she dont really wonna talk just cannot make her out,Were suppose to be going out next week end somewhere,not made plans yet obviously too early but im just like :/ i really never know where i am with this woman no more with her one day fine/next complete mood change. ????
 
Nevakonaza said:
I really dont understand women,one day shes fine then the next totally cold and very quiet. (shes not my gf btw)

Like we messaged on whatsap ,one another for ages yesterday,from the afternoon till like 5am the next morning,now today its like she dont really wonna talk just cannot make her out,Were suppose to be going out next week end somewhere,not made plans yet obviously too early but im just like :/ i really never know where i am with this woman no more with her one day fine/next complete mood change. ????
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Maybe because talking to girls on whatsapp till 5am is a terrible way to get them to fancy you unless you're talking filth until that time
 
Roar87 said:
Maybe because talking to girls on whatsapp till 5am is a terrible way to get them to fancy you unless you're talking filth until that time
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Nope theres way more to this story,We talk and see each other daily,not like im just chatting to a random on whatsap lol,i just dont understand the randomness.
 
Nevakonaza said:
Nope,think thats gonna be the case from now on,so odd.
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I mean from my point of view if you're talking to a girl you aren't sleeping with till 5am then it's not odd that she's hot and cold as you're basically friend zoning yourself, you are way too accessible, there's no challenge, no mystery; she's basically bored and it's the start of the relationship. If you want to get her back interested then match her level of interest or show slightly less.
 
Go on Holiday in Romania to pretend a friend isn't a lesbian - 14 tinder matches by locals in 9 days, not even a big city. Come back to the UK - no matches as per usual. What am I doing wrong?
 
Judgeneo said:
Go on Holiday in Romania to pretend a friend isn't a lesbian - 14 tinder matches by locals in 9 days, not even a big city. Come back to the UK - no matches as per usual. What am I doing wrong?
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Comparing two different cultures and geographies and expecting the same result.

No doubt you appeared 'different' out there. And different always gets attention
 
Roar87 said:
Maybe because talking to girls on whatsapp till 5am is a terrible way to get them to fancy you unless you're talking filth until that time
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Depends on the girl really. Some might like the fact hes spending so much time talking to her tbf. Not all girls want filth to confirm somethings happening or someone fancies them.

On the fella whos partner has cheated and he wants to take her back...people are very quick to go down the whole "she a hoe, kick her out" route but that isnt so easy when theres children involved and youre the male of that relationship...its very easy for the girl to stop contact (yes i know it isnt legal but good luck with that) so you have to play it delicately.
 
omnomnom said:
Depends on the girl really. Some might like the fact hes spending so much time talking to her tbf. Not all girls want filth to confirm somethings happening or someone fancies them.

On the fella whos partner has cheated and he wants to take her back...people are very quick to go down the whole "she a hoe, kick her out" route but that isnt so easy when theres children involved and youre the male of that relationship...its very easy for the girl to stop contact (yes i know it isnt legal but good luck with that) so you have to play it delicately.
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I agree that the situation needs to be handled delicately, but SHE asked HIM to move out so she could have some space to think, i.e. kicking him out of the family home. If she needs space, she should leave.
 
My current girlfriend of 3 months is receiving a xmas present from her ex, is this unusual?

I would no way get my ex xmas present! (and it ended which nicely on mutual terms)
 
Guest2 said:
My current girlfriend of 3 months is receiving a xmas present from her ex, is this unusual?

I would no way get my ex xmas present! (and it ended which nicely on mutual terms)
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Context required, but yes it's unusual. He's either still in love with her and is that pathetic he's sending a gift (likely), they broke up on mutual terms and are now just friends (unlikely), or he's still sleeping with her and they're mugging you off behind your back (fairly unlikely but you I've seen worse).
 
Yeah hopefully it's option 1.that he's not over her!
It's more important what her reaction is on this one!
 
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