The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

With kids involved (although they are not yours) and no source of income on her part, isnt there also the risk that if you did split up she would end up with the property despite not contributing to it financially? Not normally something I would dwell on but with all the other red flags being raised by what she said...
 
So let me get this straight she wants you to give her £3k as "security" even though she has no money. My concern is once you give her 3k what stopping her asking for more "well you gave my £3,000 3 months ago i need another XYZ".

Personally i would tell her to jog on and grow up, money doesn't buy you love and using it as a weapon is heading for disaster.
 
Stolly said:
No they aren’t mine. She won’t send them to school or Work full time because “that’s who she is”
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My response to this would be "You're living in a Dream World Neo".

People have to make sacrifices. Sending your kids to a school so you can work to support them (and yourself) financially is not a particularly unreasonable one to make.

Good luck with it all.
 
Update. She’s been told in no uncertain terms that she’s getting no money off me.

Now she’s on about getting married, and is dealing with being told in equally certain terms why that’s not happening anytime soon too.
 
Hi everybody

Sorry for the long-winded first post but I’ve been a lurker for a long time and this community seems pretty level-headed in its advice – plus everybody shares a common love of technology lol.

Anyway about a month ago an old friend of mine from University and I were chatting on Facebook and she mentioned that she would be staying in the country for a business trip and invited me to stay with her for a couple of days. She works in the Netherlands and rarely comes back to the UK so it’ll be the first time I’ve seen her for nearly 5 years now. Since its pretty quiet at work right now I booked off the week to go down to Cornwall to spend the week.

I mentioned this to my girlfriend and she was fine with it initially, but when she asked if I had ever been intimate with my friend and I said ‘a couple of times when we were drunk at university’ she kind of went really cold on the idea. I have no romantic interest in my friend and I made this abundantly clear to her but she just kind of gave me this ‘really?’ look.

I admit I lost my temper a little bit and said that she isn’t allowed to dictate my life to me and that it is abusive behaviour to do so and I will not tolerate it. We rarely ever argue – in fact the only time we’ve really shouted at each other was when she made a fuss about my two Dakimakura and how she didn’t want to feel like she was sharing me with them. I made it clear then that I am 35 years old and should not have to give up the things I love for her and that it constitutes emotional abuse to make me do so.

This was two days ago. Last night she came round to my flat to say that she was breaking up with me because she didn’t feel that I was serious enough about our relationship and that she’d had people cheat on her before and she wasn’t going to risk going through it again. I was still a little heated from our last talk and I said that she was being abusive again by giving me an ultimatum. She said it wasn’t an ultimatum because she wasn’t giving me a choice. She said she loves me and wishes me well, kissed me on the forehead and just walked out!! Wtf?!

I tried calling and texting her but she’s not answering. I’ve tried messaging her on Facebook and I get nothing. I told my friend about it all and she just replied along the lines of ‘well maybe we can get drunk and have fun like the old days ;).’ Wtf?? I didn’t want to hook up with my friend and she doesn’t care that I’ve lost my gf over this whole thing.

How do I convince my girlfriend that she is in the wrong here? I spent all last night crying into one of my Dakimakura and called in sick to work today. I’m desperate so any advice is really appreciated!!
 
How about talk to your girlfriend? Your old friend clearly doesn't give a hoot, so do you want to make this trip become the downfall of your relationship, when in reality your friend is just going to go back to wherever and not see you again.

Then on the other hand yes you should have some freedom, but then you shouldn't be overly surprised that the misses is a somewhat skeptical with your going off to see another lady...

Call her if you want it to last.
 
As above, going alone somewhere with someone you had previously been intimate with would raise an eyebrow from me, but maybe I'm just overly paranoid?

Also, sounds like your girlfriend was right to be worried. Your friend doesn't seem to care about much else than hooking up.

If the situation was reversed, would you be ok with it?
 
How would you feel if your GF told you she intended to visit an old flame in Cornwall for a few days....And nights.
 
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I think she should also have asked if you are intimate with your Dakimakura.

Cannot take seriously due to that. But the obvious thing is; she hasn't met this person, you're staying with said person and have a history of being intimate with them and it's a huge unknown for your girlfriend. Reverse roles and you wouldn't be happy either. You were right to be honest when she asked you, but you aren't considering how bad it looks and sounds to someone who obviously cares for you. You aren't taking her into consideration at all.
 
I fancy boys said:
As above, going alone somewhere with someone you had previously been intimate with would raise an eyebrow from me, but maybe I'm just overly paranoid?

Also, sounds like your girlfriend was right to be worried. Your friend doesn't seem to care about much else than hooking up.

If the situation was reversed, would you be ok with it?
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Yes because if she says she will be faithful to me then I trust her and believe her! Why can't she do the same with me? I could've straight up lied and not told her that my friend and I had been intimate before and besides, we were drunk and not really in control.

I sent her 10 messages since I woke up this morning and she hasn't answered any of them. Same for phone calls. Should I post a message on her Facebook wall? I could call her work phone or email her at work but I'm not sure if her work emails are monitored.
 
So if I've read this correctly, your current girlfriend has left you because you booked holiday time off work to spend the week with an ex girlfriend down in Cornwall?
And to top it off you want help to convince your girlfriend she's the one in the wrong?

Considering this is your first post it's surely got to be wind up
 
Xandrael said:
in fact the only time we’ve really shouted at each other was when she made a fuss about my two Dakimakura and how she didn’t want to feel like she was sharing me with them.
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I spent all last night crying into one of my Dakimakura and called in sick to work today. I’m desperate so any advice is really appreciated!!
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Firstly; I think you have an unhealthy relationship with your pillow.

Secondly, you can hardly blame her for being cautious if she has had men cheat on her before, and you then admit that you are going away for a week with another female, just the two of you alone and on top of this you told her that you've been intimate with her in the past. Just look at it from her point of view.
 
GD isn't level headed lol, there's a rare occasion where it is but it isn't often.

Telling your gf (or is it ex gf now?) that the girl you're seeing has a bit of history together was your biggest mistake! At 35 I'd have thought you would be wiser.

Great troll post
 
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