Talksport Radio phone-in about getting 'caught short!

Em3bbs said:
I used to clean bogs when I was at college, in offices for a very large (at the time) software company. The ladies toilets were a real eye opener, especially as a relatively young lad who thought all women smelt of roses.
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I've rarely worked anywhere the toilets for both genders haven't been absolutely disgusting unless cleaned v. frequently.

I actually had a huge rant about the state of the disabled toilet (which anyone can use) where I work on the internal forum and so far they've been left in a better state though I don't expect it to last forever.
 
Rroff said:
I've rarely worked anywhere the toilets for both genders haven't been absolutely disgusting unless cleaned v. frequently.

I actually had a huge rant about the state of the disabled toilet (which anyone can use) where I work on the internal forum and so far they've been left in a better state though I don't expect it to last forever.
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Our work toilets are generally superb, occasionally one stall backed up if somone used too much paper but its sorted quickly.

In a 9 hour shift they are cleaned like 3 times though.


All male workforce appox 100+ people
 
toshj said:
Similar to @Chris Wilson's story. First time I met my now Father-in-Law was the night after a wedding, with him picking his daughter and me up from the hotel and taking us to Wembley for the football. I was decidedly hungover and unwell, with my insides bubbling around whilst we were waiting for him to pick us up. I'd heard he was quite a stern and proper man. Uncharacteristically he was late, so as we were sat in the sun (sweating like a ******) I thought I'd make a quick dash to the loos. Anyway, upon exiting my stall I bumped into a bloke who'd just entered the toilets. The vomit-inducing poo smell I'd just created was too much to ignore, so I kind of waved my hand in front of my nose and made a joked apology. I was met with a scowl and a mutter of "what the hell is wrong with you"...

Walked back to where my girlfriend was sat and she pointed over my shoulder and said "Look! My dad's here, let's go!". I turned around to see the same bloke from the toilets. Glowering at me.

Anyway, the result at Wembley went our way and on the way out I excused myself for a pee. There was no one in the bogs at all, must have been 50 unused urinals in there, when all of a sudden someone takes the one next to mine. I look across and see him beaming at me before he shouted "Got to stop meeting in the toilets, eh?" and gave me a nudge... which sent my stream off target and all over the wall!

An unnerving experience.
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Similar experience in some Museum in NYC, three of us all hungover and all needed a poo. So we found a toilet, only two cubicles. Fine I drew the short straw and ended up last. I went in after them and it stunk, like really really bad. I was nearly vomiting on the smell. But I had to go, I was desperate. So I go in and do my business. The door opens, by the sound of it some dad and his very young kid (about 4-6 I think) and all I hear is "Dad, it smells so bad in here. I can't handle it" but in one of those voices where he sounded like he was genuinely struggling almost crying and the dad responded "I know kid, hurry up!". I was too scared to leave the toilet and get the blame so I sat in there suffering for longer than I had too. :(

Came out to both my friends in absolute laughter.
 
Tefal said:
Our work toilets are generally superb, occasionally one stall backed up if somone used too much paper but its sorted quickly.

In a 9 hour shift they are cleaned like 3 times though.


All male workforce appox 100+ people
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Most places I've worked its lucky if they are cleaned 3 times a week never mind daily.
 
The earlier comment about keeping a large domestos bottle in the car definately resonates with me. I've kept an empty bottle in the boot virtually all my adult life for such emergencies although I think I've only ever come close to considering using it once and I'm in my forties so it's not necessarily an 'oldies' issue.

I have to say that when I started work and in my early twenties I also actually used to keep an old pair of trousers and pants in my boot in case the worst ever happened. Looking back now it seems a bit bizarre and I think I stopped doing it before I got married but I'd had a pretty horrible experience in the final stages of my school days. I went to a standard Secondary school and I did my GCSE's in the early 1990's which I think was towards the end of exams that were far too long in duration. We had a three-hour physics exam and not long into it I found myself busting for the toilet. I don't recall anyone ever asking to go out of the exam hall and I certainly didn't want to be the first so I told myself I'd just have to hold on, cross my legs and concentrate on the exam.

I must have somehow done so until about 25 minutes from the end when I was so desperate I could hardly see straight, let alone focus on the exam and I suddenly had one of those I've-got-to-go-right-now moments and I raised my hand. We were in a big school hall with rows and rows of single little desks but I was beyond caring at that stage. The teacher came over (Mrs Cowan... why not name and shame, eh?) and I told her I had to go to the toilet but she said no as nobody was allowed to leave the exam inside the last 30 minutes or the paper would be void. I've never been able to verify whether that was right or not but I suppose so few people asked right at the end of exams that it wasn't a well-known rule? Anyway, assuming she wasn't a dominatrix or fetishist, I suppose she knew what she was doing?

I was horrified and told her that I couldn't wait but she said dismissively said there was only 20-odd minutes to go and of course I could wait and she walked away. I couldn't risk being disqualified by going out without permission and I reckon I only lasted another 3-4 minutes before I spectacularly wet myself, in the midst of probably 60-70 pupils in the school hall. I was 16 years old (in truth only a few months away from my seventeenth birthday) so it was pretty humiliating.

At the time it seemed the sort of incident you don't easily get over but of course, you do and life moves on pretty quickly. But it still left me keeping some spare clothes in the back of my car, and later in my works van, for a good while afterwards. And still I travel with that bottle in the boot ... just in case!!
 
Oof that's pretty rough! All these stories just make me think of the Inbetweeners :p

An ex-colleague of mine once told me a story when he was out on the lash in central London (we worked in the west end). No big deal, just a heavy Friday night out but he found himself at some dodgy club/bar up near Marble Arch. After a little while (presumably into the wee hours of the morning) he'd had enough and decided to head out to get a cab home. All of a sudden he had the utmost urge to take a dump.. but he was at the top end of Oxford St/Edgware Rd with nowhere to go. He said it was utterly desperate times, never had any feeling like it before. So he ran into Marble Arch (well, the corner of Hyde Park I guess?), into the bushes and took a dump there. All he had to wipe was some receipts from his wallet. lol :p

Now every time I go past Marble Arch I just think of him taking a dump in the middle of it :p He reckons his drink was spiked. Heh.
 
One of the funniest/disgusting sites I saw was Donington 1984 with AC/DC headlining I think.
The latrine was like a big round dish about 10 foot in diameter but somebody had climbed on top and left a huge log smack in the middle.
 
I was caught short in an ikea a few years back so popped into their loos. Male. I went in n one cubical and it looked like someone must wiped their bum right up the cubical wall. But it started from about shoulder height. So it was mixed emotions really, the guy clearly had some mad gymnastic skills but was a bit of a beastly beggar to boot.
 
Not happened too often. Know about the friends house situation. I started running the shower before starting to try and hide my shame

Had a photo shoot once and needed go as I arrived (shoot all outdoors for 2-3hrs early morning). Couldn't wait for bus so tried walk home. No chance, by luck a pub was open (probably only just). Went in and had something I estimate an elephant would struggle passing. For teh lulz I didn't even flush.

I had a similar cinema experience where mates all laughing. It sounded like rocks being dropped into water. Group of about 10 mates plus partners all laughing. Mate who came in and heard it all only went and told everyone.

Thankfully don't think I've ever **** meself while out
 
TimTom said:
The earlier comment about keeping a large domestos bottle in the car definately resonates with me. I've kept an empty bottle in the boot virtually all my adult life for such emergencies although I think I've only ever come close to considering using it once and I'm in my forties so it's not necessarily an 'oldies' issue.

I have to say that when I started work and in my early twenties I also actually used to keep an old pair of trousers and pants in my boot in case the worst ever happened. Looking back now it seems a bit bizarre and I think I stopped doing it before I got married but I'd had a pretty horrible experience in the final stages of my school days. I went to a standard Secondary school and I did my GCSE's in the early 1990's which I think was towards the end of exams that were far too long in duration. We had a three-hour physics exam and not long into it I found myself busting for the toilet. I don't recall anyone ever asking to go out of the exam hall and I certainly didn't want to be the first so I told myself I'd just have to hold on, cross my legs and concentrate on the exam.

I must have somehow done so until about 25 minutes from the end when I was so desperate I could hardly see straight, let alone focus on the exam and I suddenly had one of those I've-got-to-go-right-now moments and I raised my hand. We were in a big school hall with rows and rows of single little desks but I was beyond caring at that stage. The teacher came over (Mrs Cowan... why not name and shame, eh?) and I told her I had to go to the toilet but she said no as nobody was allowed to leave the exam inside the last 30 minutes or the paper would be void. I've never been able to verify whether that was right or not but I suppose so few people asked right at the end of exams that it wasn't a well-known rule? Anyway, assuming she wasn't a dominatrix or fetishist, I suppose she knew what she was doing?

I was horrified and told her that I couldn't wait but she said dismissively said there was only 20-odd minutes to go and of course I could wait and she walked away. I couldn't risk being disqualified by going out without permission and I reckon I only lasted another 3-4 minutes before I spectacularly wet myself, in the midst of probably 60-70 pupils in the school hall. I was 16 years old (in truth only a few months away from my seventeenth birthday) so it was pretty humiliating.

At the time it seemed the sort of incident you don't easily get over but of course, you do and life moves on pretty quickly. But it still left me keeping some spare clothes in the back of my car, and later in my works van, for a good while afterwards. And still I travel with that bottle in the boot ... just in case!!
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That can't be serious.
 
Rroff said:
Most places I've worked its lucky if they are cleaned 3 times a week never mind daily.
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I think its because the cleaner contract doesnt cover shop floor so we have a full cleaning staff on a 9 hour shift cleaning only a canteen and the toilets so they both end up spotless lpl
 
Our cleaners are so flippin' keen they seem to always be hanging around outside the cubicles waiting for you to finish so they can fill up the paper!
 
Had too many mints or chewing gum years ago which turned a fart into a shart whilst walking home from school. Walked like a junkie for the last half mile.

Couple of years ago I was at a festival in Denmark. We were out in a small village and something I ate disagreed with me.

The only toilet we found was a heavily used one in a supermarket near the festival. The toilet was blocked, already had crap with big roll stacked above the water line.

Had to hover and do the business, wasn't even a solid jobby, more like an arse pee.

Worst. Day. Ever.
 
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