The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Hmm so girl I used to see and was fairly into had falling out with me a little over 2 months ago and and said she couldnt talk to me and wanted space etc fair enough.

Not spoke in 2 months and started hanging out with a mutual friend who has moved back to manchester instead.

This weekend came up to manchester and rather than crashing with friend a decided to airbnb it and meet some people I'd not had a chance to go on.dates with etc.

Now the first two friends talk etc and it got mentioned to the one who isnt speaking to me that I was staying in an apartment myself this weekend.the reply was along the lines of "wont he be lonely" and my friend said back that I was meeting up with some people ive been chatting to.

Anyway tonight while we were out at dimmer the friend whos not spoken to me in over 2 months messages and says how shes still not ready to see me again but that she does care for me and that "we'll definitely meet up before my[her] birthday".


Now am I being a bit cynical in the timing of this you think? Her birthday is july.

But it just seems that she was happy not to talk (I deleted her number to avoid any temptation) untill it seems.ive moved on and the birthday thing jist seems out of place given how far away it is.

I just replied with "its ok I understand" and to say hi to the dog from me. Then deleted the messages.

My thinking is she thinks I might be moving on so wants to try and keep me on the hook (which doesnt really work) that ir she wants a birthday present lol.

Sorry for typos turned the rich text editor back on which fights with auto correct
 
When people don’t want something they don’t miss it but as soon as they can’t have something they really really want it

It’s like little kids , there’s toys that they never play with but as soon as another kid plays with one of those toys they desperately want it

Must be something in the human brain that makes us jealous of what we don’t / can’t have and make it more desirable
 
As JBuk says, classic case of wanting her cake and eating - people wanting what they can't have.

I'd just tell fine you understand, but you're not going to wait for her in case she wants to get together again.
 
Tefal said:
Hmm so girl I used to see and was fairly into had falling out with me a little over 2 months ago and and said she couldnt talk to me and wanted space etc fair enough.

Not spoke in 2 months and started hanging out with a mutual friend who has moved back to manchester instead.

This weekend came up to manchester and rather than crashing with friend a decided to airbnb it and meet some people I'd not had a chance to go on.dates with etc.

Now the first two friends talk etc and it got mentioned to the one who isnt speaking to me that I was staying in an apartment myself this weekend.the reply was along the lines of "wont he be lonely" and my friend said back that I was meeting up with some people ive been chatting to.

Anyway tonight while we were out at dimmer the friend whos not spoken to me in over 2 months messages and says how shes still not ready to see me again but that she does care for me and that "we'll definitely meet up before my[her] birthday".


Now am I being a bit cynical in the timing of this you think? Her birthday is july.

But it just seems that she was happy not to talk (I deleted her number to avoid any temptation) untill it seems.ive moved on and the birthday thing jist seems out of place given how far away it is.

I just replied with "its ok I understand" and to say hi to the dog from me. Then deleted the messages.

My thinking is she thinks I might be moving on so wants to try and keep me on the hook (which doesnt really work) that ir she wants a birthday present lol.

Sorry for typos turned the rich text editor back on which fights with auto correct
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Still dos'nt want to talk but say she will before July? sounds like shes stringing you along in case she cant find anyone "better" until then.
 
KillBoY_UK said:
Still dos'nt want to talk but say she will before July? sounds like shes stringing you along in case she cant find anyone "better" until then.
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Yeah that's what I think. I could kind of understand the not wanting to talk/wanting space.

But then the message and the timing of it just feels wrong.

Had she messaged some random Wednesday with the message she cared hoped I was ok but still needed a bit more time then I'd probbaly have taken it at face value.

But the speed from her finding out I wasn't staying with a friend, but starting to travel on my own again, to her messaging that makes me think it was a mind game desperation move.

Ayahuasca said:
Her tour with Tefal is over.
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Yeah I think that's the case. Shame, but on the bright side I did pluck up the courage to go out on my own on sunday and it went pretty well, chatted to people checked my phone way less than when out with friends and had a good night.

Think I might start looking to pick somone up properly/dating :eek:

And I had a devil's 3some last night which was fun. ^_^
 
IMHO she's definitely trying to keep you as a backup plan and you seemingly moving on threatened that. So she wants to make you feel like you still have a chance.
 
Hades said:
IMHO she's definitely trying to keep you as a backup plan and you seemingly moving on threatened that. So she wants to make you feel like you still have a chance.
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Indeed, I would be tempted to say "ok cool, have some space see some people and i will do the same", I bet she wouldn't like it if Tefal was doing anything but "waiting by the phone" for her.
 
Ugh, I'd never entertain someone who plays those games.

Not much worse than games. It' a inunhealthy attitude and not the personality type you would want long term anyway
 
Well I went to the speed-dating again back on Wednesday, same event, no crazy Ex, matched with two very nice ladys who went as friends, been talking to one of them most of yesterday evening.

As well as being quite pretty she got quite excited on the SpeedDate when I said I knew the old point and click adventures she a massive fan of. She also twigged about my Asperger and is not bother about it (she said her dad has it). So I hope this goes somewhere.

If not I got I still got a nice confidence boost out of it :)
 
That's good to hear mate, I never tried speed dating myself but I hear good things from people saying things like because people have had to make the effort to go etc there's less chance of getting messed about.

Hope it goes well for you.
 
Vidar said:
That's good to hear mate, I never tried speed dating myself but I hear good things from people saying things like because people have had to make the effort to go etc there's less chance of getting messed about.

Hope it goes well for you.
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Well I'm still talking to her and she still reply's quickly, so I've not been ghosted (which is my default expectation these days), dropped hints I want to take here out but she not said anything, wondering how long I should leave it before asking directly
 
Just ask her..... Two outcomes.... YES or NO if its YES then great , if its NO it was not meant to and back to square one with a lump of rejection that should last about 30 seconds
 
I met my GF on a night out then asked her to go on a date the next day after a few texts. As SPG said you have got nothing to lose really, if it is a no better to find out now than in a few weeks after putting in all that effort.
 
SPG said:
Just ask her..... Two outcomes.... YES or NO if its YES then great , if its NO it was not meant to and back to square one with a lump of rejection that should last about 30 seconds
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MikeTheNative said:
I met my GF on a night out then asked her to go on a date the next day after a few texts. As SPG said you have got nothing to lose really, if it is a no better to find out now than in a few weeks after putting in all that effort.
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It will go like this tonight "you, me, bar, tomorrow, you in ?"
 
No point messaging someone for ages. She could be going on dates in that time.
Only has to be one better offer for it to pass.

Plus people can be completely different in person to text
 
413x said:
No point messaging someone for ages. She could be going on dates in that time.
Only has to be one better offer for it to pass.

Plus people can be completely different in person to text
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I've always found it hard to get the balance right between messaging enough to seem interested and too much and being seen as needy etc
 
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