Is it me or are a lot of couples breaking up at the moment?

Been with my Wife for over 2 decades now. You do need to put the work into a relationship as couple otherwise you dont stand a chance. You're sharing a life together and that will bring its challenges and rewards.

As long as you're both willing to put the effort into the relationship, it will go the distance. As soon as one or both of you are no longer willing to do so, its over.

Once (if) you have kids you have all of the above, plus the added responsiblility of being parents.
 
I was utterly confident in my double decade plus relationship, had 100 percent trust but she was seeing someone else, that's because I took things for granted and was complacent.
If you don't put the effort in somebody else wull
Still very good friends
 
Captain Chaos said:
Been with my Wife for over 2 decades now. You do need to put the work into a relationship as couple otherwise you dont stand a chance. You're sharing a life together and that will bring its challenges and rewards.

As long as you're both willing to put the effort into the relationship, it will go the distance. As soon as one or both of you are no longer willing to do so, its over.

Once (if) you have kids you have all of the above, plus the added responsiblility of being parents.
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Exactly this! Nothing worth having is easy to get.
 
moon man said:
I was utterly confident in my double decade plus relationship, had 100 percent trust but she was seeing someone else, that's because I took things for granted and was complacent.
If you don't put the effort in somebody else wull
Still very good friends
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Yea this happens a lot. You gotta make you partner feel wanted and respected always
 
Think what people want and expect from a relationship has changed over the generations as well when you compare grandparents to parents and now parents to our generation, some of that is because its now acceptable to divorce which is a good thing as no-one should feel trapped in a relationship but also think its down to each successive generation become more and more focused on the individual (social media certainly fuelling that with unrealistic expectations from hyper-reality fake lifestyles)

Although I wonder how many couples stay together because they can't afford to live on their own, obviously more an issue back when women couldn't work as much but with living costs today it wouldn't surprise me if it was still a major factor in some relationships.
 
moon man said:
I was utterly confident in my double decade plus relationship, had 100 percent trust but she was seeing someone else, that's because I took things for granted and was complacent.
If you don't put the effort in somebody else wull
Still very good friends
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Wow, and this is whats wrong with men of today, she cheats on you, and you are still "very good friends". You should sleep with her sister or best friend, that is the only form of redemption in this situation.
 
Dis86 said:
At your age don't forget a lot of couples will have had kids young and stayed together 'for the kids'. Now they're 14+ there's no point.
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There is an old phrase, "The Seven year itch"

And there is a lot of truth in it.

Human Males are generally larger and stronger than Human females.

In nature, this means only one thing and natural monogamous "Mating for life" is not it. (Nor Monogamy of any sort for that matter)

Monogamy for life is a social construct rather than a biological one. There is natural programming for a Human Male to care for a Human Female while the children are helpless infants, beyond that. If there is no genuine friendship to keep the relationship going, then a drifting apart is entirely natural. 5-7 years is a typical period for this to take place. A continuous stream of children at regular intervals can drag out this process, but many relationships fall apart once the last fledgling leaves the nest

And in any case, before the 20th century, Women often didn't generally live that long anyway. Death in childbirth while still quite young was common up until relatively recently. so even Monogamous relationships were a myth. It was in many cases more a case of serial monogamy at, say, ten years a pop (Or even less!) just like today really but with no need for divorce lawyers :eek:

Also, it is often surprising that couples who have lived together quite happily for some time break up shortly after actually getting married. I guess this is down the subtle manner in which the nature of the relationship changes and an inability to adapt to that.

In many ways, the modern world is deeply unnatural and beneith the surface society really has not yet adapted to it.
 
Orionaut said:
There is an old phrase, "The Seven year itch"

And there is a lot of truth in it.

Human Males are generally larger and stronger than Human females.

In nature, this means only one thing and natural monogamous "Mating for life" is not it. (Nor Monogamy of any sort for that matter)

Monogamy for life is a social construct rather than a biological one. There is natural programming for a Human Male to care for a Human Female while the children are helpless infants, beyond that. If there is no genuine friendship to keep the relationship going, then a drifting apart is entirely natural. 5-7 years is a typical period for this to take place. A continuous stream of children at regular intervals can drag out this process, but many relationships fall apart once the last fledgling leaves the nest

And in any case, before the 20th century, Women often didn't generally live that long anyway. Death in childbirth while still quite young was common up until relatively recently. so even Monogamous relationships were a myth. It was in many cases more a case of serial monogamy at, say, ten years a pop (Or even less!) just like today really but with no need for divorce lawyers :eek:

Also, it is often surprising that couples who have lived together quite happily for some time break up shortly after actually getting married. I guess this is down the subtle manner in which the nature of the relationship changes and an inability to adapt to that.

In many ways, the modern world is deeply unnatural and beneith the surface society really has not yet adapted to it.
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Then how do you explain me still being madly in love with my wife after we have been together 12 years? We have had our ups and downs and it hasn't been easy but we have always worked it out in the end.

I believe that you need to try and make it fresh and new by trying new things and staying connected through the kids and each other but at the same time have your own time. With this as a healthy balance I think you can last the rest of your days happy and together.

I'm 37 and have had failed relationships before this though. I do truly believe that even now with all the distractions of modern day life people can stay together. Maybe I'm a romantic and I've not always been this way but as I've got older I've become more and more invested in my family and my wife emotionally, financially and physically.

I also think that the modern selfish way of living breeds some very weak people in regards to commitment and that kinda makes it easy for them to not bother working on a relationship. At the same time they might never know what a true connection is with your partner as that takes time, effort, humility and selflessness.
 
I can really relate to this.

I remember it was a cold cold Christmas when a load of good PC games were released. I can still remember the wife sitting me down and telling me that i wasn't spending enough time on the important things in life, she was right and it really hit home.

The next day, when she was out with friends, i put all her belongings on the drive and changed the locks.

A few years later i re married, i married my left hand. Sure we have had a few ups and downs but i always feel relieved afterwards.
 
AlphaMale1 said:
Wow, and this is whats wrong with men of today, she cheats on you, and you are still "very good friends". You should sleep with her sister or best friend, that is the only form of redemption in this situation.
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i accept a lot of the responsibility though and it means we are still a family ,ie at xmas we can still all get together as well as visit our grown up daughters together ,cant be with somwone so long and just turn it to hate ,if shes happier now then shes done the right thing ,we went to spain together for 6 weeks afew months back ,still get on really well
 
The first week back in work after Christmas is coining it in time for divorce lawyers, what with trouble making relatives coming, demanding kids off school, work party flings that become public knowledge, expected big financial expenditure with big bills to face in January, couples thrown together for longer periods than when one or both are working, it's bonanza time for them. I see their worksheets and wonder why I am twirling spanners sometimes ;) It's always in the papers after Christmas, the stats' show just how lucrative the next months are.
 
azazl187 said:
I would suggest only because you both want to
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People seem to think the world ends if you break up, it doesn't, you should break up if you're unhappy. I completely agree that relationships take work, but the rewards should out weigh that, and if they don't you need to call it a day.
 
Roar87 said:
People seem to think the world ends if you break up, it doesn't, you should break up if you're unhappy. I completely agree that relationships take work, but the rewards should out weigh that, and if they don't you need to call it a day.
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No but the point I'm trying to make here is that people seem to expect too much out of a relationship these days and they almost convince themselves it's better off to be out of it before really reaping the benefits. Too much like hard work. Its just the selfish way.
 
moon man said:
I was utterly confident in my double decade plus relationship, had 100 percent trust but she was seeing someone else, that's because I took things for granted and was complacent.
If you don't put the effort in somebody else wull
Still very good friends
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You seem ok with this. Surely she should have talked to you, rather than screwed you over? Unless you were a total **** then a certain amount of complacency is normal in a long term relationship imo.
 
loltim said:
You seem ok with this. Surely she should have talked to you, rather than screwed you over? Unless you were a total **** then a certain amount of complacency is normal in a long term relationship imo.
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no definitely not alright tbh and theres not a day goes by i dont think about it ,we always spent all our free time together but i think i limited her socially ,im very very quiet and she can talk for England ,lots more i wont go into ,nothing bad
 
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