Is it me or are a lot of couples breaking up at the moment?

[azazl187]

As the title says, I've noticed a lot in the last 6 months that a lot of couples that I know and that my wife knows have been splitting up.

It might be my age as I'm 37 and at that point in life people have been together a long time but it does seem particularly rife right now.

Am I being over sensitive here or has anyone else noticed?

 

[azazl187]

Yea that all makes sense due to the time of year but I do think it's just so easy for people to split up these days.

There seems to be a real lack of fighting for it.

 

[azazl187]

I agree with the sentiment but just put it down to times changing.

Agreed. I don't think the world of social media and filter this and that helps at all. The grass seems even greener than ever before

 

[azazl187]

Been with my Wife for over 2 decades now. You do need to put the work into a relationship as couple otherwise you dont stand a chance. You're sharing a life together and that will bring its challenges and rewards.

As long as you're both willing to put the effort into the relationship, it will go the distance. As soon as one or both of you are no longer willing to do so, its over.

Once (if) you have kids you have all of the above, plus the added responsiblility of being parents.

Exactly this! Nothing worth having is easy to get.

 

[azazl187]

I was utterly confident in my double decade plus relationship, had 100 percent trust but she was seeing someone else, that's because I took things for granted and was complacent.
If you don't put the effort in somebody else wull
Still very good friends

Yea this happens a lot. You gotta make you partner feel wanted and respected always

 

[azazl187]

Should the goal of a relationship be to stay together for life? If so, why?

I would suggest only because you both want to

 

[azazl187]

There is an old phrase, "The Seven year itch"

And there is a lot of truth in it.

Human Males are generally larger and stronger than Human females.

In nature, this means only one thing and natural monogamous "Mating for life" is not it. (Nor Monogamy of any sort for that matter)

Monogamy for life is a social construct rather than a biological one. There is natural programming for a Human Male to care for a Human Female while the children are helpless infants, beyond that. If there is no genuine friendship to keep the relationship going, then a drifting apart is entirely natural. 5-7 years is a typical period for this to take place. A continuous stream of children at regular intervals can drag out this process, but many relationships fall apart once the last fledgling leaves the nest

And in any case, before the 20th century, Women often didn't generally live that long anyway. Death in childbirth while still quite young was common up until relatively recently. so even Monogamous relationships were a myth. It was in many cases more a case of serial monogamy at, say, ten years a pop (Or even less!) just like today really but with no need for divorce lawyers

Also, it is often surprising that couples who have lived together quite happily for some time break up shortly after actually getting married. I guess this is down the subtle manner in which the nature of the relationship changes and an inability to adapt to that.

In many ways, the modern world is deeply unnatural and beneith the surface society really has not yet adapted to it.

Then how do you explain me still being madly in love with my wife after we have been together 12 years? We have had our ups and downs and it hasn't been easy but we have always worked it out in the end.

I believe that you need to try and make it fresh and new by trying new things and staying connected through the kids and each other but at the same time have your own time. With this as a healthy balance I think you can last the rest of your days happy and together.

I'm 37 and have had failed relationships before this though. I do truly believe that even now with all the distractions of modern day life people can stay together. Maybe I'm a romantic and I've not always been this way but as I've got older I've become more and more invested in my family and my wife emotionally, financially and physically.

I also think that the modern selfish way of living breeds some very weak people in regards to commitment and that kinda makes it easy for them to not bother working on a relationship. At the same time they might never know what a true connection is with your partner as that takes time, effort, humility and selflessness.

 

[azazl187]

People seem to think the world ends if you break up, it doesn't, you should break up if you're unhappy. I completely agree that relationships take work, but the rewards should out weigh that, and if they don't you need to call it a day.

No but the point I'm trying to make here is that people seem to expect too much out of a relationship these days and they almost convince themselves it's better off to be out of it before really reaping the benefits. Too much like hard work. Its just the selfish way.

 

[azazl187]

Humans are complex and are governed by more than simple socio-biology, as such no individual can be predictable. But the behaviour of general populations can be.

At the nasty end of Socio-biology you have the "Baby P" situation.

Where this happens it is almost always the case that the infant is abused to death by the male partner who is not the biological father while the biological mother does little to intervene. Just like Lions do when they take over a pride and kill all the cubs that are not theirs and the lionesses sit back and let them do it.

Some people are just more driven by their instincts than others.

I feel you might be over simplifying this or am I falling for your trollollollolling?

 

[azazl187]

Whilst Christmas time can be stressful for some, the OP did mention he'd noticed it increase over the last six months....which puts us around summer time.

I think people generally can't be bothered with having to put up with crap, so have no issues with calling it a day. Decades ago a divorce was frowned upon, plus less and less people these days are getting married.

I think it's the norm.

Thanks for noticing. Yea it's been for a while that I've noticed this trend happening more and more. The worrying thing I also see is that it tends to run like a disease from couple to couple. All of my wife's girl friends seem to be breaking up or having similar issues such as a break and such.

 

[azazl187]

When my ex-wife left me she spent a few months going from friend to friend telling them all how it was the best thing that she'd ever done, she felt so strong and powerful, etc. That caused another two break-ups. The sad thing is that, knowing the woman, it's obvious to me and her family that all she was really doing was covering for the fact that she left me for a fella who then dropped her like a hot rock and went back to his his wife & daughters. Her own ego wouldn't let her 'lose' (as I had moved on and was happy again) so she had to spin it, to herself more than anyone else.

Not that I wish to point the finger at our female friends here but girls are very good at self preservation when it comes to break ups. They can spin a yarn even if it's a blatant lie, their friends will still support them and keep them haply even if they know it. Its a shame really because as a result they rarely will come back and admit they were wrong and want to try again. Toxic friends are very common and they can convince each other that the bloke they are with isn't good enough for them or something

 

[azazl187]

Did she take things for granted? You shouldn't be taking the blame for a partner cheating on you

Quite agree. Sounds like she walked all over you in the end. Sorry but thats what it seems like bud