OcUK Dadsnet thread

[Nutty667]

we had another melt down this morning and i have to admit i didnt handle it very well. Afterwards on the way to school he told me all his friends had told him they no longer want to play with him unless none of their real friends are there and that he dreads break time. They apparently have made a gang but he is specifically not allowed to be in it.

not sure if this is the root of the problem or if it is just him being overly dramatic whilst being upset (also at his age i fell out with my mates all the time, usually ending up in a scrap then things were ok again - kids dont seem to have scraps now and if they did it seems to be handled very differently than when i was a kid (40 years ago mind you). however i have told him in the past the way he speaks to us and if he is so demanding to his friends as he is with us he will push his friends away, and it is possible this is the other shoe falling from that. both his mum and i work almost full time so he does have a lot of after school clubs and activities . historically this has i think helped his development and allowed him to be really good at making friends with people and mixing with a whole range of kids both older and younger than him.... however i also think it means he has picked up a few bad habits from older kids. unfortunately the work we cant alter as i am losing my job in less than a year what ever happens so making hay whilst the sun shines and my wife is currently at risk with a likely shake up coming up, so she needs to be on it for now and doing her best.

hopefully just a phase but i think we do need to be firmer on the screentime front.

its a challenge however because times have changed. When i was my lads age i was out on my bike and playing in the fields and in the farmhouses etc locally and 1) i now live in a town now anyway but 2) even if i didnt, kids just dont tend to do the stuff i did as a kid any more due to it being potentially dangerous!......... but if we dont let him go out and roam about on his bike (and his friends dont either) then.... most of his mates are online now playing games and chatting that way.

I am more and more aware of the fact that i am an older parent and i think my values and views are somewhat out of touch in some areas as well which may be why i am not handling it that well

I know where you're coming from. I feel the same about my daughter.

Not much after her age I would be out all day on my own on my bike. The idea of her doing that just seems soo nonsensical. Is it the non-stop media highlighting dangers all the time that makes you think you shouldn't let young kids out alone? Or were my parents just particularly easy-going? Who knows. Things did feel safer back then though in my mind.

The thing is, she doesn't even want to play out. The idea of her getting on her bike and riding out alone around town would petrify her. She's not very outdoorsy at all. I guess it's a whole different issue for girls though.
Screen time is an issue, I can see she's getting slightly addicted to it. Who can blame her, games and tv shows are great these days. It's difficult in holidays when we both work full time. She does a holiday club thing few days, and grandparents have her on others. But the rest of the time, it's hours of TV and switch games. I'm not that fussed as long as it doesn't become all consuming. I'd happily play several hours a day on my Megadrive and I think I turned out fine.

On the friends front, we had a bit of an issue where some of her friends at school were making fun of her dance routines she was doing with another friend. It was visibly upsetting her. We ended up talking to the teacher and she had a word with the other kids and it seemed to sort it. They're all best of friends again now. Things like that can come and go one week to the next.

 

[Nutty667]

Right, I need some advice on how to curb the frankly ridiculous amount of crap we have in our house related to our boys. They have just had their second birthday and obviously we got mountains of crap. I have tried to put my foot down to little avail. Its utterly ridiculous. My partner seems to think its mean not to give them 90% of the toys people have bought for them "because they like them". Of course they like them, they're toys. The like car number 2. They also like car number 210. If you take away 90% of those cars they wouldn't even notice.

We don't have a large house. We don't have a large living room and we don't have a dedicated room for all their toys. God only knows how bad it would be if we did. I understand that its not quite as easy as just saying to tell people to stop giving them presents but its frankly got stupid. Why do we all do this? We spend so much time putting it all away. Keeping stuff with the 20 other items that are part of a set. Putting a million books away.

The argument I constantly hear is "other children have X" or "other children get Y". I don't care what other spoilt children get. Its driving me mad. We are wanting to move to a bigger house but I'm dreading the idea with her tendency to hoard.

We have a rule than we have a clear-out of old stuff to give to charity shops before birthdays and Christmas. I think it helps to ground them a bit as to how lucky they are they get all this new stuff, and makes them want to give more to charity for less well off kids.

 

[bigmike20vt]

Right, I need some advice on how to curb the frankly ridiculous amount of crap we have in our house related to our boys. They have just had their second birthday and obviously we got mountains of crap. I have tried to put my foot down to little avail. Its utterly ridiculous. My partner seems to think its mean not to give them 90% of the toys people have bought for them "because they like them". Of course they like them, they're toys. The like car number 2. They also like car number 210. If you take away 90% of those cars they wouldn't even notice.

We don't have a large house. We don't have a large living room and we don't have a dedicated room for all their toys. God only knows how bad it would be if we did. I understand that its not quite as easy as just saying to tell people to stop giving them presents but its frankly got stupid. Why do we all do this? We spend so much time putting it all away. Keeping stuff with the 20 other items that are part of a set. Putting a million books away.

The argument I constantly hear is "other children have X" or "other children get Y". I don't care what other spoilt children get. Its driving me mad. We are wanting to move to a bigger house but I'm dreading the idea with her tendency to hoard.

I think kids do have a tendency to be spoiled now. the funny thing is .. my mum sees our lad and will comment on the amount of stuff he has , as well as him putting on some weight (he is and we are sorting now)

but the problem is most of the stuff he has my mum got him and she constantly sends him chocolate in the post .

we have had to have a talk with her and told her to stop buying him so much stuff as a lot of it was going un touched to the charity shop . on the bright side ... our local charity shop must love us!!!

things have settled down a bit now with our lad though we had a mini melt down at tea last night because he didn't want what he was going to have. I have him 3 options and he wanted not of them and I end up telling him we are not a restaurant when I was a kid I had what I was given... or I didn't (but no pudding if I didn't at least eat some of my tea)

he had a strop and said fine he didn't want tea, to which I said ok then, I made him it and said he could eat it or leave it and it would go in the bin . after a fairly short time he backed down and apologised

 

[dazzerd]

we had another melt down this morning and i have to admit i didnt handle it very well. Afterwards on the way to school he told me all his friends had told him they no longer want to play with him unless none of their real friends are there and that he dreads break time. They apparently have made a gang but he is specifically not allowed to be in it.

not sure if this is the root of the problem or if it is just him being overly dramatic whilst being upset (also at his age i fell out with my mates all the time, usually ending up in a scrap then things were ok again - kids dont seem to have scraps now and if they did it seems to be handled very differently than when i was a kid (40 years ago mind you). however i have told him in the past the way he speaks to us and if he is so demanding to his friends as he is with us he will push his friends away, and it is possible this is the other shoe falling from that. both his mum and i work almost full time so he does have a lot of after school clubs and activities . historically this has i think helped his development and allowed him to be really good at making friends with people and mixing with a whole range of kids both older and younger than him.... however i also think it means he has picked up a few bad habits from older kids. unfortunately the work we cant alter as i am losing my job in less than a year what ever happens so making hay whilst the sun shines and my wife is currently at risk with a likely shake up coming up, so she needs to be on it for now and doing her best.

hopefully just a phase but i think we do need to be firmer on the screentime front.

its a challenge however because times have changed. When i was my lads age i was out on my bike and playing in the fields and in the farmhouses etc locally and 1) i now live in a town now anyway but 2) even if i didnt, kids just dont tend to do the stuff i did as a kid any more due to it being potentially dangerous!......... but if we dont let him go out and roam about on his bike (and his friends dont either) then.... most of his mates are online now playing games and chatting that way.

I am more and more aware of the fact that i am an older parent and i think my values and views are somewhat out of touch in some areas as well which may be why i am not handling it that well

This is identical to my son and he has been like this most his life. He is 12 now.

He is academically sound and reasonable at sports. But has trouble regulating his mood, maintaining social groups (he talks to of there kids but doesn't seem to care that much) and speaking to us in a reasonable manner. But there are good and bad days.

I'm also the older parent and my attitude to this behaviour is a lot less tolerant than my wife's, but I'd say she is too accommodating of his behaviour.

Anyway we had him diagnosed last year and apparently his has Asperger's even though they can't call it that now.

Still not sure what it means but it means having to tread a fine line between chastising him for inappropriate behaviour and being compassionate.

One of they key things though and one of the things to understand is that kids with High Functioning Autism which Asperger's is are aware they are a little bit different but can't necessarily adjust to the expectations society has of them which can lead to frustration, anger and meltdowns.

As hard as this is sometimes I find disconnecting from bad behaviour is the way to deal with it. Then when things are calmer try then making the point that certain behaviours are not acceptable.

Not saying your child has Aspergers or anything as it's hard to separate just general annoying behaviour from Aspergers behaviour but some of what you described resonated with me.

 

[Junglist]

Right, I need some advice on how to curb the frankly ridiculous amount of crap we have in our house related to our boys. They have just had their second birthday and obviously we got mountains of crap. I have tried to put my foot down to little avail. Its utterly ridiculous. My partner seems to think its mean not to give them 90% of the toys people have bought for them "because they like them". Of course they like them, they're toys. The like car number 2. They also like car number 210. If you take away 90% of those cars they wouldn't even notice.

We don't have a large house. We don't have a large living room and we don't have a dedicated room for all their toys. God only knows how bad it would be if we did. I understand that its not quite as easy as just saying to tell people to stop giving them presents but its frankly got stupid. Why do we all do this? We spend so much time putting it all away. Keeping stuff with the 20 other items that are part of a set. Putting a million books away.

The argument I constantly hear is "other children have X" or "other children get Y". I don't care what other spoilt children get. Its driving me mad. We are wanting to move to a bigger house but I'm dreading the idea with her tendency to hoard.

Putting away all the little toys away each night drives me insane. We're in a decently sized, but still small, 2 bed and it brings me to breaking point.

When we decided to sell we had a big clear out of all her tat and dumped loads of it in the shed for the photos/viewings. Honestly, just taking them away and she rarely asks for them and is happy with whatever she has out.



I was having a conversation with my partner last night and wondered if any of you get the same. It's really random and I can't put it into words but for some reason whenever my daughter eats meat, which is basically always anyway, I get this bizarre and almost primal feeling of satisfaction. I can't even begin to explain how it feels. I don't get it when she's eating veg or fruit but meat just sends me into a cave-man state when I see her eat it

Just me ? Oh, ok

 

[fez]

Putting away all the little toys away each night drives me insane. We're in a decently sized, but still small, 2 bed and it brings me to breaking point.

When we decided to sell we had a big clear out of all her tat and dumped loads of it in the shed for the photos/viewings. Honestly, just taking them away and she rarely asks for them and is happy with whatever she has out.

This is kind of my problem. They simply don't give a ****. In the same way the world is ending one minute and they are laughing like a nutter the next, they simply don't care what they play with. Yes, give them two toys that are the same and they will probably pick one. Give them just the toy they didn't choose and they will play with it just as happily.

My partner spends far far far too much time on social media where all the idiots lavish their children with the most stupid amount of things and film it for the likes. Most of them are poor and spend more time pointing a camera at their child and fabricating ******** than they do actually being a good and engaging parent but hey, their kids have loads of toys so....

Comparison is the thief of joy and shockingly, 2 year olds are really that bothered about comparing themselves to other kids.

I was having a conversation with my partner last night and wondered if any of you get the same. It's really random and I can't put it into words but for some reason whenever my daughter eats meat, which is basically always anyway, I get this bizarre and almost primal feeling of satisfaction. I can't even begin to explain how it feels. I don't get it when she's eating veg or fruit but meat just sends me into a cave-man state when I see her eat it

Just me ? Oh, ok

I think that might just be you mate

I like it when they eat meat because its good protein for them and I know that they will be more full for longer if they do but beyond that its much of a muchness. I get far more offended when I make a lovely meal and they turn their noses up at it in favour of some pasta with cream cheese on it. Little ********!

 

[Junglist]

I'm not cut out for this fatherhood stuff, it's made me far too soft.

Last night K had a minor tumble at the park so off to A&E for 4 hours to find out she had broken her elbow. She's a pretty clumsy kid so usually when she has a fall she dusts her self off and gets going again. This time she cried for a long time so we knew something wasn't quite right.

She made me so proud at the hospital though. Could see she was in pain and uncomfortable but did whatever the nurses asker her to do and seeing her get an x-ray all by herself and so bravely almost broke me.

We ended up leaving at around 2245 but she was still in really good spirits and quite proud of her cast and wanted to take pictures to send to people but once we got home and she was on the sofa she tried to get up and she had this helpless look in her eyes when she looked at me and the sight of that and her little arm in a cast got me the hell out of there.

Not much to say other than I lost some man-points for crying more than my 3 year old daughter did and she was the one who actually broke her elbow.

 

[Minibiker]

I'm not cut out for this fatherhood stuff, it's made me far too soft.

Last night K had a minor tumble at the park so off to A&E for 4 hours to find out she had broken her elbow. She's a pretty clumsy kid so usually when she has a fall she dusts her self off and gets going again. This time she cried for a long time so we knew something wasn't quite right.

She made me so proud at the hospital though. Could see she was in pain and uncomfortable but did whatever the nurses asker her to do and seeing her get an x-ray all by herself and so bravely almost broke me.

We ended up leaving at around 2245 but she was still in really good spirits and quite proud of her cast and wanted to take pictures to send to people but once we got home and she was on the sofa she tried to get up and she had this helpless look in her eyes when she looked at me and the sight of that and her little arm in a cast got me the hell out of there.

Not much to say other than I lost some man-points for crying more than my 3 year old daughter did and she was the one who actually broke her elbow.

Doesn't make you any less of a man mate, since having kids I get emotional at a lot of stuff, even if it doesn't involve my family.... Atleast she was a brave Girl and actually let the docs do what they had to, some kids would need pinning down for that.... When my little boy got put under for Circumcision I had to fight the tears off, the sight of my wife cuddling him as they put him to sleep was horrible, Tearing up now just thinking of it

But atleast your daughter's on the mend now bless her, she'll be showing it off to everyone

 

[Junglist]

Yeah, being more emotionally vulnerable was not one of the side effects of becoming a father I was ever aware of. I used to think I wasn't very empathetic but once I had a kid, that changed massively.

I think in the hospital I just wanted to get through it but once we were home it hit me like a wave. Though I have to remind myself it's better to be an injury than an illness! Some sick kids there last night that I felt really bad for. One was quite grim as he had the head of a tick stuck in his leg and the cries he was letting out as they tried to get it out was heart breaking.

 

[RobDogDog]

Has anyone had any experience with speech delays? We have 3 year old twins, boy and girl. Our girl is a chatterbox with excellent vocabulary and elocution whereas our boy is still squawking with the odd words here and there. We've been on a ridiculously long waiting list to have him checked; they initially want to check his hearing. We're 99% certain there's nothing wrong with it. His comprehension of verbal instructions is excellent, probably better than his sisters.

 

[Priapus]

Has anyone had any experience with speech delays? We have 3 year old twins, boy and girl. Our girl is a chatterbox with excellent vocabulary and elocution whereas our boy is still squawking with the odd words here and there. We've been on a ridiculously long waiting list to have him checked; they initially want to check his hearing. We're 99% certain there's nothing wrong with it. His comprehension of verbal instructions is excellent, probably better than his sisters.

Some kids just take longer I think. My friends daughter only really started talking a lot at 3.5. My son (3 this month) started at 2.

 

[Dreadi]

Has anyone had any experience with speech delays? We have 3 year old twins, boy and girl. Our girl is a chatterbox with excellent vocabulary and elocution whereas our boy is still squawking with the odd words here and there. We've been on a ridiculously long waiting list to have him checked; they initially want to check his hearing. We're 99% certain there's nothing wrong with it. His comprehension of verbal instructions is excellent, probably better than his sisters.

My son had speech delay apparently. He went to speech therapy 3 times but they put it down to him having glue ear which didn't clear up until he 6...he's alright now, never shuts up

 

[Freefaller]

I'm not cut out for this fatherhood stuff, it's made me far too soft.

Last night K had a minor tumble at the park so off to A&E for 4 hours to find out she had broken her elbow. She's a pretty clumsy kid so usually when she has a fall she dusts her self off and gets going again. This time she cried for a long time so we knew something wasn't quite right.

She made me so proud at the hospital though. Could see she was in pain and uncomfortable but did whatever the nurses asker her to do and seeing her get an x-ray all by herself and so bravely almost broke me.

We ended up leaving at around 2245 but she was still in really good spirits and quite proud of her cast and wanted to take pictures to send to people but once we got home and she was on the sofa she tried to get up and she had this helpless look in her eyes when she looked at me and the sight of that and her little arm in a cast got me the hell out of there.

Not much to say other than I lost some man-points for crying more than my 3 year old daughter did and she was the one who actually broke her elbow.

You gained some man points for crying. There's nothing beta about crying. At. All. Of course crying over everything maybe not... but the love for your kids makes you a strong tough individual, do not believe anything else to be the case. You were worried, but you were strong enough to look after her, you did your job in an exemplary way. Good on you! <3

I'm a old big brutish bloke that enjoys fighting as as hobby, but I'm not embarrassed to say that I've cried over stuff relating to my kids (and general **** family stuff too).

 

[Nutty667]

Has anyone had any experience with speech delays? We have 3 year old twins, boy and girl. Our girl is a chatterbox with excellent vocabulary and elocution whereas our boy is still squawking with the odd words here and there. We've been on a ridiculously long waiting list to have him checked; they initially want to check his hearing. We're 99% certain there's nothing wrong with it. His comprehension of verbal instructions is excellent, probably better than his sisters.

When I was young I wasn't talking much. I used to point and grunt at stuff. My mum took me to a speech therapist really worried something was wrong with me. 5 minutes with the speech therapist and I was in full conversation mode. My mum was fuming on the way out
Sometimes it just takes an expert touch to flick the switch a bit.

 

[fez]

Has anyone had any experience with speech delays? We have 3 year old twins, boy and girl. Our girl is a chatterbox with excellent vocabulary and elocution whereas our boy is still squawking with the odd words here and there. We've been on a ridiculously long waiting list to have him checked; they initially want to check his hearing. We're 99% certain there's nothing wrong with it. His comprehension of verbal instructions is excellent, probably better than his sisters.

We have identical twin boys who have just turned two. 1 of them is pretty good language wise and the other one is...less good. From what we can tell, its application pure and simple. One of them pays attention when you try to teach them and the other one usually laughs in your face and trots off.

One of them is far more engaged and the other is a bit more away with the fairies. The one that is much better does however have very poor hearing. That seems to depend massively on the situation however. He can magically hear when you are talking about snacks but when you ask him to not do something or come get his bum done hes completely deaf. Quite the mystery

Yeah, being more emotionally vulnerable was not one of the side effects of becoming a father I was ever aware of. I used to think I wasn't very empathetic but once I had a kid, that changed massively.

Yeah it changes you massively. I had no interest really in kids pre-having my own. Now I enjoy playing with all kids and want to help them if we are at the park etc. Have to remind myself that some people are weird and you helping their child while they are completely ignoring them gets their backs up. Makes me sad when I see sad kids as well. Theres a lad I see on the way back from dropping off at nursery who is perhaps 11 and he always looks so down. I just want to tell him that it will all be OK.

 

[Maccy]

Well…it’s finally time for me to join this thread!
Come October, we’ll hopefully be welcoming a third family member into the household. I’m excited but also completely terrified!

 

[Azza]

Well…it’s finally time for me to join this thread!
Come October, we’ll hopefully be welcoming a third family member into the household. I’m excited but also completely terrified!

 

[Maccy]

Awkward...

 

[Freefaller]

Well…it’s finally time for me to join this thread!
Come October, we’ll hopefully be welcoming a third family member into the household. I’m excited but also completely terrified!

Oh god.... another you?!

Joking aside, that's FANTASTIC news - congrats and hope everything goes smoothly.

 

[Terminal_Boy]

Well…it’s finally time for me to join this thread!
Come October, we’ll hopefully be welcoming a third family member into the household. I’m excited but also completely terrified!

This is the way.