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[fez]

Chaps - people who have experienced and made it to the other side of the dreaded ‘terrible 2’s’ - what were you signs of it settling/improving?

It’s been 6 months, and slowly it grinds a person down! 95% of the time it’s a constant battle

Our youngest is 9 month now, by the time our 2.5year old comes out of it, the youngest will just about to be entering it

Mine are 26 months so just into the terrible twos and one of them is absolutely fine and the other one is being a bit of a whingy terror.

Hes being put on a Duggie detox because he would have a tantrum every time we turned it off.

I swear they take it in turns. The one who is being a menace used to be my lovely sweet boy who loved to cuddle and now hes a stroppy little sir who is in his own world most of the time. Breakfast time he tends to burst into tears and need a cuddle in his high chair to recover any sort of composure and largely refuses to eat.

Luckily the other boy is being a sweetie at the moment to make up for it!

One of the cute things they like to do at the moment is to feed us our body parts. I taught them how to steal someones nose. The ol' pop the nose off and its your thumb in-between your fingers routine. Somehow that got changed into someone getting fed the nose. Then people started losing ears, eyes, all sorts. All eaten by one of the boys or they feed your own appendages to you.

 

[Penfold101]

Mine are 26 months so just into the terrible twos and one of them is absolutely fine and the other one is being a bit of a whingy terror.

Hes being put on a Duggie detox because he would have a tantrum every time we turned it off.

I swear they take it in turns. The one who is being a menace used to be my lovely sweet boy who loved to cuddle and now hes a stroppy little sir who is in his own world most of the time. Breakfast time he tends to burst into tears and need a cuddle in his high chair to recover any sort of composure and largely refuses to eat.

Luckily the other boy is being a sweetie at the moment to make up for it!

One of the cute things they like to do at the moment is to feed us our body parts. I taught them how to steal someones nose. The ol' pop the nose off and its your thumb in-between your fingers routine. Somehow that got changed into someone getting fed the nose. Then people started losing ears, eyes, all sorts. All eaten by one of the boys or they feed your own appendages to you.

I currently have several scars between my eyes where my 13 month old takes the game of ‘got your nose’ very, very literally…

 

[tom_e]

My daughter is fully into terrible twos, getting her in the car after nursery generally involves much screaming and crying (very nearly from both sides) in the end I just have to wrestle the straps on her then once she's strapped in the switch turns off and she's fine
She also enjoys a good competently random meltdown and then is fine a minute or two later once it's out of her system.

I'm definitely having to take a lot of deep breaths.

 

[RobDogDog]

Chaps - people who have experienced and made it to the other side of the dreaded ‘terrible 2’s’ - what were you signs of it settling/improving?

It’s been 6 months, and slowly it grinds a person down! 95% of the time it’s a constant battle

Our youngest is 9 month now, by the time our 2.5year old comes out of it, the youngest will just about to be entering it

We've had a few rough patches with the twins. We had about a month where they just fought like cat and dog and as you say, it starts to really grind you down. I was talking to a colleague and I think my exact words were 'I'm a bit worn out to be honest'.

 

[Jae-So]

Dealing with a misbehaving 6 year old at the moment and not sure what to do.
He's a smart boy and does all his work at school and listens, but at home it's constant not listening and tantrums. Need to do something different

 

[subbytna]

Anyone have any sage words of advice on how to get a teenage boy to help out around the house a bit more?

We've tried controlling his computer/phone time based on the jobs he does, tried pocket money based on the jobs he does, but most of the time he's content just to chill in his room reading, doing arty stuff, playing with Lego, watching TV etc. (which I guess I can't complain about too much - at least he's not out on the streets getting into trouble)

He's got a ski trip with school next year, which isn't cheap and was agreed on the proviso he'd do jobs around the house to help out... Which also hasn't materialised! I'm somewhat loathe to say he's not going now as we've already paid several hundred for the deposit, but he certainly won't be going on any more trips!

Short of turning his room into a cell where he has literally nothing better to do, or standing over him while he does it (which somewhat defeats the purpose of giving us a break/time to do other jobs), we've pretty much given up - it's usually easier to do the job ourselves than have a half hour argument with him about doing it, followed by him begrudgingly doing the worst job possible and being in a foul mood for the rest of the day.


Yes I know teenagers are supposed to be like this.

His school work is great, and otherwise we have no complaints about his behaviour, but we feel he's easily old enough to help out a bit more.

Son I need you to do this job (name a chore) I have to go out to do a delivery to collect some money. You want to go skiing then you need to do this chore while I'm out, trying to get extra money to let you go skiing. You can say you've been asked to do a few things for extra cash by work or work colleagues.

"You have two choices, I stay and do the chore and don't collect the money and you don't go skiing....OR....you help the family out by doing (INSERT CHORE), which lets me go earn extra cash....to help your ski trip fund."

Offer him two choices so he thinks he has some sort of control of choice. Never make a chore into a punishment or it'll be deemed as a "punishment" or negative thing when he gets older, ergo less likely to do chores in his adult life if he views it as a negative.

Then head to the park or go for a drive somewhere.

 

[subbytna]

Dealing with a misbehaving 6 year old at the moment and not sure what to do.
He's a smart boy and does all his work at school and listens, but at home it's constant not listening and tantrums. Need to do something different

What's he doing and in what context?

 

[subbytna]

We've had a few rough patches with the twins. We had about a month where they just fought like cat and dog and as you say, it starts to really grind you down. I was talking to a colleague and I think my exact words were 'I'm a bit worn out to be honest'.

Twins are relentless, that first year nearly broke me.

Terrible twos age? Didn't really happen as I kept them too tired to fight, long walks, no buggys, WALKS

Did a rotation board. Where each day one twin got first choice at things and the next day the other twin got to choose first, then back again. basically rotating who got first choice at things. If there were any fights "It's your turn tomorrow" was used and eventually they accepted it. They still do it to this day for things like who has to clean the cat litter versus who feeds them...."it's my turn to chose first, you get to choose tomorrow" They are coming 10 this year.

 

[RobDogDog]

Twins are relentless, that first year nearly broke me.

Terrible twos age? Didn't really happen as I kept them too tired to fight, long walks, no buggys, WALKS

Did a rotation board. Where each day one twin got first choice at things and the next day the other twin got to choose first, then back again. basically rotating who got first choice at things. If there were any fights "It's your turn tomorrow" was used and eventually they accepted it. They still do it to this day for things like who has to clean the cat litter versus who feeds them...."it's my turn to chose first, you get to choose tomorrow" They are coming 10 this year.

Turns for things definitely helps haha!

Those first 18 months were hard. I had about a year when they were in the one to two age where I worked from home two days a week plus looked after them on those days. Not sure how I managed that (and others are always shocked when I tell the haha).

We have a playpark two minutes down the road with a big open field so that's useful for tiring them out. Also next door to the social club so can enjoy a beverage on their terrace!

 

[subbytna]

Turns for things definitely helps haha!

Those first 18 months were hard. I had about a year when they were in the one to two age where I worked from home two days a week plus looked after them on those days. Not sure how I managed that (and others are always shocked when I tell the haha).

We have a playpark two minutes down the road with a big open field so that's useful for tiring them out. Also next door to the social club so can enjoy a beverage on their terrace!

"so can enjoy a beverage on their terrace!" think you've answered yourself there

 

[Jae-So]

What's he doing and in what context?

It could be anything:
- not wanting to eat his dinner, then asking for unhealthy snacks instead (and a tantrum if we say no)
- tantrum because of time limits on things like the tablet/TV etc.
- Refusing to do things like wash his hands until he does something else first to get his way.

We're trying to set rules and reasonable boundaries but the defiance is pretty crazy at the moment.
My wife is pretty well versed on child behaviour as a primary school teacher, but we're at a loss at how to deal with it sometimes.

Tiredness and boredom seem to be his main triggers. The boredom one is particularly annoying as he has a lot of toys/books etc he could occupy his time with. We try to get him out of the house (park etc.) when we can which helps.

 

[Hedge]

It could be anything:
- not wanting to eat his dinner, then asking for unhealthy snacks instead (and a tantrum if we say no)
- tantrum because of time limits on things like the tablet/TV etc.
- Refusing to do things like wash his hands until he does something else first to get his way.

We're trying to set rules and reasonable boundaries but the defiance is pretty crazy at the moment.
My wife is pretty well versed on child behaviour as a primary school teacher, but we're at a loss at how to deal with it sometimes.

Tiredness and boredom seem to be his main triggers. The boredom one is particularly annoying as he has a lot of toys/books etc he could occupy his time with. We try to get him out of the house (park etc.) when we can which helps.

I'd just ignore the tantrums. If he insists on doing them tell him to do them in his room and that you're bored of hearing him . If he comes out of his room just tell him to go back until hes calmed himself down.

Remove unhealthy snacks from the house so they aren't even an option.

If he thinks his tantrums get him some kind of reaction or result then he will continue to do them. Don't back down. Show clear boundaries and make sure you and your missus don't contradict each other on anything.

 

[Jae-So]

I'd just ignore the tantrums. If he insists on doing them tell him to do them in his room and that you're bored of hearing him . If he comes out of his room just tell him to go back until hes calmed himself down.

Remove unhealthy snacks from the house so they aren't even an option.

If he thinks his tantrums get him some kind of reaction or result then he will continue to do them. Don't back down. Show clear boundaries and make sure you and your missus don't contradict each other on anything.

Yup this is pretty much our current approach (minus the snacks part - that's worth trying, but that's a small part of it).
Just need to stick with it I guess.

 

[TommyV]

My daughter is fully into terrible twos, getting her in the car after nursery generally involves much screaming and crying (very nearly from both sides) in the end I just have to wrestle the straps on her then once she's strapped in the switch turns off and she's fine
She also enjoys a good competently random meltdown and then is fine a minute or two later once it's out of her system.

I'm definitely having to take a lot of deep breaths.

Very familiar with this, an absolute angel and told how great she’s been all day, to suddenly flip a switch as soon as Dad arrives and the nursery staff are out of sight.

With our tantrums I’ve started letting her just have them - explain why something was wrong/naighty and walk away. Shortly after she normally states ‘me happy now’ and that tantrum is done.

It doesn’t stop another one 2 minutes later but hey it’s progress that she’s communicating more with it.

 

[Mekrel]

What were people's experiences like with nosey colleagues/family during the early stages of pregnancy? My other half is .c 7 weeks pregnant so we're not sharing the news with friends, family or each others colleagues until post 12 weeks for obvious reasons.

My other half as you would expect, isn't showing and whilst she is feeling nauseous, isn't being sick. She's also never been into drinking and therefore tends to drive everywhere so it's not unusual for her to not drink.

One her colleagues today has basically cornered her and strongly implied that she's pregnant, to the point my other half felt pressured to admit that she is indeed pregnant. This colleague has a pregnant daughter so apparently "knows the symptoms". This isn't the first bit of pressure this person has put her under, they were both at a customer meeting where she asked my partner because she felt she was going to the toilet a lot.

Today, my other half misplaced her office door access fob a couple of times which started the questioning again (of having baby brain). Both times my partner denied it, only this time the person was apparently rather persistent that she must be pregnant.

I'm pretty angry about it considering we're not telling close relatives and friends, yet this nosey toad now knows and we all know how some women can be with spreading office gossip.

I would have thought a woman would know the reasons for not wanting to share their pregnancy at this point, and would respect that?

 

[Priapus]

What were people's experiences like with nosey colleagues/family during the early stages of pregnancy? My other half is .c 7 weeks pregnant so we're not sharing the news with friends, family or each others colleagues until post 12 weeks for obvious reasons.

My other half as you would expect, isn't showing and whilst she is feeling nauseous, isn't being sick. She's also never been into drinking and therefore tends to drive everywhere so it's not unusual for her to not drink.

One her colleagues today has basically cornered her and strongly implied that she's pregnant, to the point my other half felt pressured to admit that she is indeed pregnant. This colleague has a pregnant daughter so apparently "knows the symptoms". This isn't the first bit of pressure this person has put her under, they were both at a customer meeting where she asked my partner because she felt she was going to the toilet a lot.

Today, my other half misplaced her office door access fob a couple of times which started the questioning again (of having baby brain). Both times my partner denied it, only this time the person was apparently rather persistent that she must be pregnant.

I'm pretty angry about it considering we're not telling close relatives and friends, yet this nosey toad now knows and we all know how some women can be with spreading office gossip.

I would have thought a woman would know the reasons for not wanting to share their pregnancy at this point, and would respect that?

Personally, if I were your other half I'd be raising this with HR as harassment. Sorry you're going through this, that's awful and not "normal" or "common".

 

[Priapus]

If he thinks his tantrums get him some kind of reaction or result then he will continue to do them. Don't back down. Show clear boundaries and make sure you and your missus don't contradict each other on anything.

We do this with our toddler; if he does have a tantrum (Very rare) we just ignore it and wait for him to get over it. We've always done this so he know that tantrums do not get you rewards. However, at times its very difficult not to give in and thus is definitely easier said than done.

 

[Mekrel]

Personally, if I were your other half I'd be raising this with HR as harassment. Sorry you're going through this, that's awful and not "normal" or "common".

Yeah I've said she needs to either challenge the person when she's back in, explaining it's not acceptable to pressure someone to admit their expecting when they're clearly not wanting to share that information yet - or - go to HR.

Ultimately it's up to my other half, but I felt she doesn't want this person to get into trouble as apparently they're nice and she doesn't think she'll tell anyone else (they will, I just know it, people can't help themselves).

I really don't get why this person felt such desire to know, I don't see what they have to gain other than to be "I know something you don't" with others.

 

[t2na]

What were people's experiences like with nosey colleagues/family during the early stages of pregnancy? My other half is .c 7 weeks pregnant so we're not sharing the news with friends, family or each others colleagues until post 12 weeks for obvious reasons.

My other half as you would expect, isn't showing and whilst she is feeling nauseous, isn't being sick. She's also never been into drinking and therefore tends to drive everywhere so it's not unusual for her to not drink.

One her colleagues today has basically cornered her and strongly implied that she's pregnant, to the point my other half felt pressured to admit that she is indeed pregnant. This colleague has a pregnant daughter so apparently "knows the symptoms". This isn't the first bit of pressure this person has put her under, they were both at a customer meeting where she asked my partner because she felt she was going to the toilet a lot.

Today, my other half misplaced her office door access fob a couple of times which started the questioning again (of having baby brain). Both times my partner denied it, only this time the person was apparently rather persistent that she must be pregnant.

I'm pretty angry about it considering we're not telling close relatives and friends, yet this nosey toad now knows and we all know how some women can be with spreading office gossip.

I would have thought a woman would know the reasons for not wanting to share their pregnancy at this point, and would respect that?

This woman sounds like an absolute ********. It's amazing how some people think they are owed a right to know everything. There are a few people at where I work who are similar to this, feel obligated to know everything and think there's a great big conspiracy going on about things they don't know.

I was asked the other week by one of these goblins at work when my wife and I would be having another baby - a strange request anyway to know when my wife and I would be rawdogging it - but doesn't come from a place of care, it's just her being a nosey troll.

I don't know how comfortable your wife would be doing it but I'd really hope that she would be happy to shut this woman down and just ask her to please stop asking about it because it's making her uncomfortable. At that point, if she continues, it becomes a HR issue regarding harassment.

 

[RobDogDog]

What were people's experiences like with nosey colleagues/family during the early stages of pregnancy? My other half is .c 7 weeks pregnant so we're not sharing the news with friends, family or each others colleagues until post 12 weeks for obvious reasons.

My other half as you would expect, isn't showing and whilst she is feeling nauseous, isn't being sick. She's also never been into drinking and therefore tends to drive everywhere so it's not unusual for her to not drink.

One her colleagues today has basically cornered her and strongly implied that she's pregnant, to the point my other half felt pressured to admit that she is indeed pregnant. This colleague has a pregnant daughter so apparently "knows the symptoms". This isn't the first bit of pressure this person has put her under, they were both at a customer meeting where she asked my partner because she felt she was going to the toilet a lot.

Today, my other half misplaced her office door access fob a couple of times which started the questioning again (of having baby brain). Both times my partner denied it, only this time the person was apparently rather persistent that she must be pregnant.

I'm pretty angry about it considering we're not telling close relatives and friends, yet this nosey toad now knows and we all know how some women can be with spreading office gossip.

I would have thought a woman would know the reasons for not wanting to share their pregnancy at this point, and would respect that?

We had an interesting one with similar. My wife told her need-to-know colleagues that she was pregnant quite early on and and said please keep it quiet because it was early doors and it was twins (so higher risk of potential complications early on). I'd organised to see some friends a few weeks after this and was going to break the good news to them in person. Well, just before, one of my best mates texts me and asks if we had some news to tell him. Turns out one of my wife's colleagues had told an ex-colleague (we both worked in the same place) that I had a big falling out with (he was 100% in the wrong and was not a nice person) who was also friends with my friend. He then blabbered it to my friend who was like "Umm, first I've heard".

It really upset us both as we both felt it was our news to tell people and not some eegit wanting the next bit of gossip. Sounds a bit mumsnet I know, but we lost a lot of trust in her colleague after that.