So, divorce

Richie said:
When people say 1 party was not being co-operative, I tend to get cynical TBH. Certainly since I have been privy to the other side a couple of times - guy is seen as "uncooperative" because ex-wife wants to move 500 miles away and he is against it and involves lawyers as he wouldn't get to see his kids.... Just as an example.

p.s. @tonys - I have seen your followup. The above statement is a generalised example.
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Not a problem, that's how most things are seen only from one point of view with no context.
 
My sisters "getting" divorced.
But they were extremely amicable about it all and 50/50 split everything without any fuss. She's using her/our old surname again....

I don't actually know if it's been signed legally.... It's been 5 years.

Civil partnership lesbian madness :p
 
No real interest in marriage myself

For me there's always something better that can be done with the money. And if it's a cheap wedding is that worth the "event"? Cheap ones seem a bit naff. And expensive ones are a waste of money (to me).

Marriage just seems like a bind to make things that should end harder to end.
 
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Some clients of mine are getting divorced and it's going to be a very messy and acrimonious process unfortunately, with a child and a business mixed up in it all.

His solicitors have already said it's going to cost him c.£20k in their fees.....mental

Then I'd imagine her solicitor fees would be similar, breaks my heart to think of all that money being wasted just because they can't sort things amicably
 
Participant said:
Problem with marriage is that being single and dating is waaaaay more fun!
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Just go polyamorous then, I did it from the first few months when I moved to The Netherlands and it was an interesting experience.

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Easy Divorce using an online system that was being trialled in the UK. I think it cost £200 each and a bit of time filling in some paperwork with how long we'd be separated.

When we split I took £20k from the mortgage to buy my own place and that was it. :). (Note: I also took the cats, which in hindsight was incredibly cruel of me. I took them with me from the old house when she wasn't home.)

Absolutely no plans to marry again.
 
unwashed potato! said:
Seeing the marriage thread made me curious to hear people's experiences of divorce.

Anyone willing to tell their story? The costs, how easy it was, lessons they have for anyone that may go through it?
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number 1... try to keep civil with your EX whilst going through it.. the only people who win when it gets nasty are the solicitors.

My EX was sleeping with someone who I thought was one of my closest mates and every part of me wanted to kick off.... however she worked at a solicitors and had push have come to shove I felt i could have lost badly so i sucked it all in and generally let the small things go (watching her new partner - my old mate - drive off in my car that i had saved up for for years before even meeting my ex wife hurt the most, esp given she didnt even drive!!! and she definitely took my xbox purely out of spite )

but the few thousand i felt i lost out of was chicken feed compared to the costs i would have faced of a long battle.

number 2..... lean on your mates and try to do something nice that you would have wanted to do but couldnt justify before..... i built an arcade machine with a mate, something i still use now!. and when my decree absolute came through i went on a mates holiday abroad. (I couldnt really afford it but i justified it with man maths, money saved by keeping legal costs to the absolute minimum)

number 3, sign up to a dating site and have a bit of fun but keep it casual... dont get bogged down in a new relationship right away imo.... take some time to chill out and take stock

number 4, once its done, cut all ties and let you both move on with your lives *************

************* all of this was with no kids involved. i have no idea how i would cope with children to think about, you cant cut ties then, and for the sake of kids you have to at least pretend to be civil, its not fair for a kid to see their parents hating each other and fighting and never ever use them as pawns in your BS. I have seen friends do just that and both parents end up doing things which they will later regret (or at least i hope they do as some of it is pretty terrible on their kids).
 
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Participant said:
Problem with marriage is that being single and dating is waaaaay more fun!
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I separated from my partner 8 months ago, since then I have been out every weekend and had more great sex (with women) than I ever had when married . Have to limit myself to one at a time because I just don't have the time or energy. :eek:
 
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I have been to most weddings and seen behind the scenes more than any reasonable man should, and to me, they all run the same way, people have the same amount of fun and the joy they have is not a reflection or proportion to the size or money spent on the wedding.

I saw this video a couple of weeks ago, and it's really good and insightful.

Re- the wedding, the part where he said about having photos and memory of his mother was really lovely.


When I went to law school, i remember the first family law lecture, the takeaway is that fighting only slows it down and nobody wants that. The end goal is to split up. Plus, the only people who win are the lawyers, the more you fight, the more they make. They certainly won’t stop you fighting as they work on an hourly rate but have them to draft letters, review material to fight over a £2,000 watch…which you would only get half, you might as well just buy a new one.

I was really sad for like 6 months when splitting up with my fiancé this year, but upon reflection, the breakup was really easy, there was no drama and I think deep down she also knows it won’t work. Although she said in a long-winded way of “come and get it” about the ring…I chalk that off as a cheap ticket vs a divorce.
 
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my 1st wedding we did because it was only a $500 package and it meant we got to jump the queue getting on the cruise ship of the holiday we were going on anyway. we also go amazing treatment and got to sit at the captain's table and have it all blessed by the captain (he didn't marry us). perhaps getting married because it was cheap didn't set the right tone and was a sign of things to come :D
 
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