**The Mental Health Thread**

dave28 said:
Very very sad to read this and hope that a recovery is possible in time. While I am not in the same situation, my 79 year old mother is getting tested for what I assume may be early dementia and its absolutely terrifying to have anything happen to your mom...
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Before assuming its dementia please be aware that "dementia-like" symptoms are exhibited by elderly people with UTIs. My mum was 85 and suddenly "declined". I asked GP for antibiotics and said to him could we just assume its an UTI and try that and suddenly she "recovered". (Unfortunately she died for other reasons a few months later)

Dont give up hope!
 
Moley said:
Popped over to STBXWs flat this weekend while she had the kids, to drop off some bits they needed. She was very cordial and invited me in for a cup of tea and a chat. During the chat she broke down and told me that her therapist had uncovered she has unresolved PTSD and would need EMDR treatment to deal with it. She wasn't ready to go into details and I offered my sympathies obviously, but it doesn't change anything for me. I'm seeing a local divorce firm later this week (an all woman firm ironically, who came very highly recommended) for an initial consult and we have mediation in a couple of weeks. It feels like we are moving inevitably towards divorce and I'm getting to be ok with that, she's shown me no indication of interest in reconciliation and I wouldn't consider that anyway without very significant change on her part.
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So just been to hers to grab the kids and while they were waiting in the car she wanted to talk about the mediation. Long and short of it, she wants the house sold within a year, there is no way back for us and we are divorcing for certain - although she apparently hasn't spoke to a lawyer yet. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. I'm not selling my home, I'll figure out a way to buy her out and get a clean break. Sod her, it's all about me and the kids now. Oh and she doesn't want them every weekend anymore, she wants time to socialise....
 
dave28 said:
Very very sad to read this and hope that a recovery is possible in time. While I am not in the same situation, my 79 year old mother is getting tested for what I assume may be early dementia and its absolutely terrifying to have anything happen to your mom...
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Thanks. At the moment it's going to be a long road. The all-disciplines care meeting is Friday week, so it sounds like she's going to be in the mental hospital for quite some time.

I went to see her yesterday and brought her her favourite Daily Mail (man, did it pain me to have to buy it). The front page was all about Prince Andrew and as soon as she saw it she started talking about how she was trafficked by Epstein and how the government are going to bump her off because she knows too much about Andrew. She gave me a hug and said that it was likely the last hug I will get from her as she knew the government were coming for her that evening.
It's ******* frighting to see someone you love reduced to this.......

We have a lot of history of mental issues in our family. I've struggled my whole life with anxiety and depression. My uncle (mother's eldest brother) is schizophrenic and my other uncle (mother's younger brother) has struggled with depression most of his adult life. So, I guess it figures that mum would end up with issues too.
 
Moley said:
So just been to hers to grab the kids and while they were waiting in the car she wanted to talk about the mediation. Long and short of it, she wants the house sold within a year, there is no way back for us and we are divorcing for certain - although she apparently hasn't spoke to a lawyer yet. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. I'm not selling my home, I'll figure out a way to buy her out and get a clean break. Sod her, it's all about me and the kids now. Oh and she doesn't want them every weekend anymore, she wants time to socialise....
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You'll be fine mate, if i were to break up with my misses, which we have been close I couldn't think of anything worse than not seeing my child every week. Socialising wouldn't come in to it. Good move keeping the house, do everything you can to do that.
 
Cromulent said:
I've never been sectioned because I always went in voluntarily as it gives you more rights (it is easier to go for smoke breaks for example). The longest stay I have had in hospital is a 6 month stay. Is there anything you'd like to know about hospital or any other questions?
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At the moment I just want to understand the process. Because she's been sectioned and has a husband they really aren't talking to me, only him.
 
Rilot said:
At the moment I just want to understand the process. Because she's been sectioned and has a husband they really aren't talking to me, only him.
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There isn't really a major process. The nurses will observe the patient on the ward and then they'll see a psychiatrist once a week. That is when the decision is made. Being in a psych ward is mainly about making sure someone is safe and isn't going to hurt themselves or others. It is pretty boring most of the time as there isn't anything do.
 
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GR63 said:
Before assuming its dementia please be aware that "dementia-like" symptoms are exhibited by elderly people with UTIs. My mum was 85 and suddenly "declined". I asked GP for antibiotics and said to him could we just assume its an UTI and try that and suddenly she "recovered". (Unfortunately she died for other reasons a few months later)

Dont give up hope!
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Have seen this happen to a couple of relatives. Definitely good to keep in mind when an elderly relative shows unusual mental symptoms out of the blue.
 
As I can no longer obtain power of attorney (due to mum not being deemed mentally fit), I'm looking at becoming a court-appointed deputy. This is something you can get if the person is unable to make decisions for themselves. https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy

Has anything done this?
 
lakitu said:
You'll be fine mate, if i were to break up with my misses, which we have been close I couldn't think of anything worse than not seeing my child every week. Socialising wouldn't come in to it. Good move keeping the house, do everything you can to do that.
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Just been to see the lawyer and have retained their services. Very useful session, they level set my expectations, confirmed that I was doing everything correctly and are on hand to kick off the divorce process when I am ready - which will be after the first joint mediation session in early November.
 
Moley said:
Just been to see the lawyer and have retained their services. Very useful session, they level set my expectations, confirmed that I was doing everything correctly and are on hand to kick off the divorce process when I am ready - which will be after the first joint mediation session in early November.
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Been a busy day. Retained lawyers, booked appointment with mortgage advisor for Monday and estate agent is coming to value the house on Tuesday. Also her father reached out asking for a coffee and catchup Tuesday AM. He’s a good bloke and very disappointed in her at the moment, so we are staying friendly. Seems like things are moving quickly now that I’ve bitten the bullet and decided to take control.
 
Moley said:
Sod her, it's all about me and the kids now. Oh and she doesn't want them every weekend anymore, she wants time to socialise....
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While it may not seem like it now, it certainly sounds like getting out is definitely best for you, and more importantly the kids!

Fingers crossed for you that buying her out is affordable and straightforward, and she doesn't try to make things awkward.
 
Sounds and feels familiar. No energy. Napping daily. Depression symptoms are worse than normal. Lots of challenges this week and really difficult to be positive at all.

Having never had SAD if may not be it but maybe it’s new. Just feeling low all the time so hopefully it will pass.
 
She asked me again this morning about possibility of recovering things. I just sent her this message…

You asked if I wanted to recover things then and you asked again today. I was blissfully unaware of just how bad things were between us, until you forced the issue. I figured we were just going through a downswing as most marriages do and things would pick up again given time. You discarded me without giving any serious consideration to getting outside help to see if we could fix things. As you are the one who broke things off, you are the one who needs to initiate a recovery. Apart from that last message and this mornings conversation I have seen nothing from you to lead me to believe that’s even an option, so you need to make up your mind what you want.

I won’t be anyone’s second choice or fallback plan.

If you want a divorce, be clear and say so, so I can get on with my life. I’m done being stuck in limbo.
 
Its a good return but honestly feels mixed. Do you want a recovery? You seem to leave the door open to her initiating one. Would you trust her again? Everyone has their own needs, feelings and wants especially when it comes to family. I know I would have done anything to fix my marriage at the early stages but now glad it wasn't fixed. I will never trust her again on anything and with the actions she took and the way blame was shifted, manipulated and avoided on both sides there would never be what there was before.

Once she moved out, started talking and meeting other people and telling me everything was my fault with no understanding of how I felt I knew it was over. I tried so hard to convince myself otherwise and did more damage to my own mental and emotional wellbeing by fighting it at first and trying to forgive the unforgivable that I know I did real long term damage to myself that if I had listened to others and accepted it then I would have recovered faster.

Personally there is no going back from things like this. She made a choice. She will make choices again in the future and what has happened will always weigh on you as it did with me.

For you, the kids are the important focus. Focus on you and them. She walked out, she wanted change, she moved on and only now is she finding it isn't all she wanted it to be.
 
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So last week I took PTO - I really needed a break from work as I couldn't focus properly on it. Me and the kids drove up to Durham to spend a couple of days with my parents, the 300+ mile journey was easy enough and it was good to catch up with my family. I had plenty of conversations while I was up there with various family members that helped me get some balance.

When I got back I went through the house, found anything of hers that she had left behind and put it in the garage. I'm removing all traces of her and organising things as *I* want them in the house. Re-arranged the living room furniture as I like it and I'll convert the playroom to my home office (the kids don't use it anymore) and my older office into a spare room/laundry room.

She came over last night to spend some time with the kids and cook their dinner. When they were done she sat down for a chat and told me she had typed out a reply to my last message but hadn't sent it. She read it out to me then instead of sending it. Apparently the asking about recovering things wasn't her asking for that, she was just trying to find out if I wanted that/had ever considered it. Why she had to ask, I don't know - she's the one who broke us up, so it doesn't matter what I want. In additions she basically doesn't accept that I could have been 'blissfully unaware' of how bad things were, takes no accountability for her own actions in ending things and the impact that had on me and the kids and wanted to talk about the mediation - she wants records of all the credit cards I have and have had (even the closed accounts) because she thinks she could be held liable for the debt. Told her to sod off. The old cards are closed, the debt settled and so she can't be held responsible for them and the current card only has stuff I've spent since we split. This is typical of her controlling nature and I'm not playing that game anymore.

I pointed out that she hadn't replied to my last comment in the previous message "If you want a divorce, be clear and say so, so I can get on with my life. I’m done being stuck in limbo." and she reluctantly admitted that she does want a divorce 'eventually'.

Well sod that, I'm not hanging around and continuing to finance her lifestyle. Mediation is next week and depending on the outcome I will be instructing my solicitors to begin the divorce process so I can get the financial stuff sorted and a clean break as soon as possible.

I have opened a new bank account this morning and taken out a Barclaycard with 22 months interest free on balance transfers, I'll move my existing card to it to save on interest and clear it all in March when my annual bonus comes in and maybe pay off my car loan too.

I told her last night I want my keys back too - she doesn't live here anymore and has no plans to come back so there's no reason for her to retain a set.

Thanks for listening to my rant! It helps me to brain dump here regularly.
 
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Moley said:
I pointed out that she hadn't replied to my last comment in the previous message "If you want a divorce, be clear and say so, so I can get on with my life. I’m done being stuck in limbo." and she reluctantly admitted that she does want a divorce 'eventually'.
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Sorry I can't be more help. but this stuck out at me. Why wait for her to start the divorce? If you don't want to be in limbo file for divorce yourself when you want. It doesn't have to be up to her.
 
Cromulent said:
Sorry I can't be more help. but this stuck out at me. Why wait for her to start the divorce? If you don't want to be in limbo file for divorce yourself when you want. It doesn't have to be up to her.
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Yeah that's the plan. I've already retained a solicitor to process this once I'm ready to pull the trigger.
 
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