Edit - May as well update this. This is a long post, but I hope you enjoy it. There is a tl;dr at the bottom.
Right, kitchen cleaned (I believe it was Jonathan Swift that said "upon embarking on a life changing journey, always ensure you have clean underpants on". Since I'm on a culinary journey of discovery, I've taken this to mean that I should have a clean kitchen. So, I cleaned it. On another, slightly related note, I put clean pants on about 2 hours ago) so now we are ready to prepare this gastronomic treat.
As you can see below, this humble journey started with the idea of battering one of man's greatest friends. Something that is there in times of need, when you stagger home at 2am after having the proverbial skinfull, or when you are trying to treat that special someone in your life with a picnic in the park (yes, you'll stand in dog muck, yes you'll be harrassed by kids tanked up on Frosty Jacks and you'll probably end up on a register if you do decide to partake in some 'recreational' activities with the young lady in a bush... But, the humble pork pie shall be there waiting for you on your chequered sheet when there is a lull in conversation. And for those of us that don't favour the sweeter things in life, it is a perfectly adequate substitution for the much loved Kendal Mint Cake as you attempt to clamber up Snowdon whilst the sleet batters your face, the wind chills your innermost places and the rain makes for what should be a pleasant hike in July into a treacherous adventure akin to what Auldrin, Armstrong and Co went through all those years ago. It'll be there for you, the glorious calories and the much feared (but secretly loved) jelly will give you that extra boost you need. I am, of course, talking about the Melton Mowbray Pork Pie.
There are naysayers out there that criticise this humblest of pies, they say that it is too unhealthy, they say that the meat is of a poor quality and they complain of the jelly which ensures the pie is nicely lubricated. I say this to them - You are wrong. You are scared. You are a coward. The Melton Mowbray Pork Pie is better than you!
The reasons for combining the pie with batter, I hear you ask? I ask you in response, why do we go to the moon? Why do we hike into the inner most depths of the Amazon? Why did Anakin embark on the dangerous path of Jedidom that he did? Because, without adventure, without danger, without dispelling the mysteries of life then why live at all? Let us not all be the mindless drones that exist, let us instead LIVE. Let us be free. And if that means battering a pork pie, then I say yay to that! Now, who's with me?!
Part 2, to come shortly. Please take this time to empty your bladders, get another refreshment and tuck into another Pork Pie.
I suspect you are all keen to see what this brave, heroic and World changing hero looks like, well keen readers, followers and apprentices, I give you... Chef Ahleckz.
I must remind my followers that safety, in any trip like this is very important. You can see I'm wearing an apron. So that covers personal safety, but I have a backup in case of emergencies. This is it.
So, now that the health and safety issues are out of the way, time to properly begin. Here we have the challenges ahead of us (it was a dangerous, messy affair whilst I combatted the batter...)
I stepped out of the door. I committed. I was full of young, perhaps naive, eagerness. I approached the first challenge of this culinary adventure. It is 6pm, it is dinner time. I set upon creating the starter. With my keen follower, monkeyspank, following this adventure from the safety of his own home he wasn't prepared to undertake such a dangerous trip. However, he was there to offer inspiration and guidance. It was him that steered me towards the first test. Cheese stuffed chillis.
A simple affair these were, just slit them open, remove the pith and the seeds and then stuff with your cheese of choice (I went for an extra mature cheddar.) I then dredged them in flour before dipping them in my specially created, and secret recipe (145g of self raising flour mixed with 1 bottle of Biere Speciale) and added them to a pan of hot vegetable oil. I do not know the temperature, I did not really care. All I know was that it was ready. In it went, and the sizzle gave me what I wanted to know. It was cooking.
Quickly, I dissected the large pork pie I had bravely sourced from ASDA Parkhead earlier in the day. I sliced one half of it into small wedges, floured and coated them and dropped them beside the chilli. These too sizzled quickly and I watched with glee upon my face as the batter turned from white, to a darker shade, and then to yellow before finally reducing my 3 pieces of food into 3 sizeable golden nuggets. "Yes!" I cried out. They were ready, I removed them with my the help of my trusty fellow adventurer, Mr. W. Spoon. I left them for a minute to cool down, and crisp up. They were ready I though.
I held my breath. I selected a knife. I drew that knife into the starter, as I did it I was met with a pleasant 'crunching' noise that suggested I was breaking into something I shouldn't, though I knew the reward would be worth it. The cheese oozed out, much like the victorious first squirts of Champagne out of the Magnum gripped by the F1 World Champion. I feverishly scooped some chilli, dripping in cheese which solidified once it met the crispy, battery coffin that the chilli was encased in. I threw it into my mouth, one bite, one crunch, two bites, more crunches, the cheese dripping down my chin. Yes I though, this was it. This was marvelous. However, this was nothing. This was the Wright brothers. I wanted Armstrong.
I looked down upon my plate. And I saw it. I saw the key to the city, I saw the gold medal. There it was, looking back at me were two large, golden yet meaty, nuggets. I swallowed the chilli. I sighed, for it was now that I realized I was to make history. I had created a battered pork pie. However, had I created a taste sensation? I thought I was ready. But something stopped me. There was a niggle. Was this what I had become? Such a wonder in the culinary World? Could I truly live with myself if I put famous, successful chefs such as Heston, Gordon and the Roux family out of business? Hell, it's not my fault I'm better than them. I moved my knife. I cut into the battered pork pie and I discovered inside a juicy looking piece of meat back at me. I wasn't scared. I wasn't nervous. I was keen, I was amazed. It flew into my mouth. And my gosh. We have eaten pork pies, they can be stodgy, they can be dry. This thing however, it wasn't any of that. The juices from the meat flowed out of the meat like a new waterwell in the sub-Saharan desert. I'm perhaps not as important as one of these wells, I perhaps don't give what these wells do, however I do know that I have created something better than these wells. I have created the most beautiful pie based treat known to man.
I savoured each bite, it was glorious. I hit some warm, almost liquid like pastry. This gave a whole new dimension to the taste, and one that was most welcome. I eagerly ate the other piece. I didn't need to, I knew that I had created a wonderful thing. But, why buy a Fiat if you can afford a Ferrari...
The battle was over. The adventure had come to an end. It was a short adventure, it was a solitary adventure. However it was one that needed to be done. I have proved to you, my friends, my critics and my fellow food fans, that a Pork Pie doesn't have to be a cold treat on a summers day. No, it can be a taste explosion. It is truly, and I don't wish to overdo this, but it is absoultely magnificent.
And here are some more pictures.
First we have a comparison of a normal pork pie (on the left) and a battered one, on the right. Beside that is a picture of the battered pork pie cut in half, hopefully you can see how moist and juicy it is, really is delicious. The third picture is a live cooking shot! Exciting, huh?! The final picture shows at the left and right two pork pie slices, and in the middle is the chilli. At the front was dessert, that hasn't been covered yet.
I thank you for sharing this adventure with me.
tl;dr - You're lazy, and mean for not reading my story! I tried hard to entertain you! Though, the tl;dr is this - I battered pork pie slices and a pork pie. It was really good and tastes amazing.
Quick mention to Chris Badenoch over at http://chrisbadenoch.com/. I stole the beer batter recipe (though it is very very simple!) off him. It's a great site, I recommend you read it. (I hope he likes my pies!)
-----------------------------
All of the below was before I opened the history books and rewrote them.
Discuss.
My location will probably explain this more than I can ever do but, what do you think? An amazing idea of sheer heart attacking inducing food ecstasy or a daft idea that shouldn't ever be carried out?
We can discuss it now, but I shall provide the answers tomorrow.
Right, kitchen cleaned (I believe it was Jonathan Swift that said "upon embarking on a life changing journey, always ensure you have clean underpants on". Since I'm on a culinary journey of discovery, I've taken this to mean that I should have a clean kitchen. So, I cleaned it. On another, slightly related note, I put clean pants on about 2 hours ago) so now we are ready to prepare this gastronomic treat.
As you can see below, this humble journey started with the idea of battering one of man's greatest friends. Something that is there in times of need, when you stagger home at 2am after having the proverbial skinfull, or when you are trying to treat that special someone in your life with a picnic in the park (yes, you'll stand in dog muck, yes you'll be harrassed by kids tanked up on Frosty Jacks and you'll probably end up on a register if you do decide to partake in some 'recreational' activities with the young lady in a bush... But, the humble pork pie shall be there waiting for you on your chequered sheet when there is a lull in conversation. And for those of us that don't favour the sweeter things in life, it is a perfectly adequate substitution for the much loved Kendal Mint Cake as you attempt to clamber up Snowdon whilst the sleet batters your face, the wind chills your innermost places and the rain makes for what should be a pleasant hike in July into a treacherous adventure akin to what Auldrin, Armstrong and Co went through all those years ago. It'll be there for you, the glorious calories and the much feared (but secretly loved) jelly will give you that extra boost you need. I am, of course, talking about the Melton Mowbray Pork Pie.
There are naysayers out there that criticise this humblest of pies, they say that it is too unhealthy, they say that the meat is of a poor quality and they complain of the jelly which ensures the pie is nicely lubricated. I say this to them - You are wrong. You are scared. You are a coward. The Melton Mowbray Pork Pie is better than you!
The reasons for combining the pie with batter, I hear you ask? I ask you in response, why do we go to the moon? Why do we hike into the inner most depths of the Amazon? Why did Anakin embark on the dangerous path of Jedidom that he did? Because, without adventure, without danger, without dispelling the mysteries of life then why live at all? Let us not all be the mindless drones that exist, let us instead LIVE. Let us be free. And if that means battering a pork pie, then I say yay to that! Now, who's with me?!
Part 2, to come shortly. Please take this time to empty your bladders, get another refreshment and tuck into another Pork Pie.
I suspect you are all keen to see what this brave, heroic and World changing hero looks like, well keen readers, followers and apprentices, I give you... Chef Ahleckz.
I must remind my followers that safety, in any trip like this is very important. You can see I'm wearing an apron. So that covers personal safety, but I have a backup in case of emergencies. This is it.
So, now that the health and safety issues are out of the way, time to properly begin. Here we have the challenges ahead of us (it was a dangerous, messy affair whilst I combatted the batter...)
I stepped out of the door. I committed. I was full of young, perhaps naive, eagerness. I approached the first challenge of this culinary adventure. It is 6pm, it is dinner time. I set upon creating the starter. With my keen follower, monkeyspank, following this adventure from the safety of his own home he wasn't prepared to undertake such a dangerous trip. However, he was there to offer inspiration and guidance. It was him that steered me towards the first test. Cheese stuffed chillis.
A simple affair these were, just slit them open, remove the pith and the seeds and then stuff with your cheese of choice (I went for an extra mature cheddar.) I then dredged them in flour before dipping them in my specially created, and secret recipe (145g of self raising flour mixed with 1 bottle of Biere Speciale) and added them to a pan of hot vegetable oil. I do not know the temperature, I did not really care. All I know was that it was ready. In it went, and the sizzle gave me what I wanted to know. It was cooking.
Quickly, I dissected the large pork pie I had bravely sourced from ASDA Parkhead earlier in the day. I sliced one half of it into small wedges, floured and coated them and dropped them beside the chilli. These too sizzled quickly and I watched with glee upon my face as the batter turned from white, to a darker shade, and then to yellow before finally reducing my 3 pieces of food into 3 sizeable golden nuggets. "Yes!" I cried out. They were ready, I removed them with my the help of my trusty fellow adventurer, Mr. W. Spoon. I left them for a minute to cool down, and crisp up. They were ready I though.
I held my breath. I selected a knife. I drew that knife into the starter, as I did it I was met with a pleasant 'crunching' noise that suggested I was breaking into something I shouldn't, though I knew the reward would be worth it. The cheese oozed out, much like the victorious first squirts of Champagne out of the Magnum gripped by the F1 World Champion. I feverishly scooped some chilli, dripping in cheese which solidified once it met the crispy, battery coffin that the chilli was encased in. I threw it into my mouth, one bite, one crunch, two bites, more crunches, the cheese dripping down my chin. Yes I though, this was it. This was marvelous. However, this was nothing. This was the Wright brothers. I wanted Armstrong.
I looked down upon my plate. And I saw it. I saw the key to the city, I saw the gold medal. There it was, looking back at me were two large, golden yet meaty, nuggets. I swallowed the chilli. I sighed, for it was now that I realized I was to make history. I had created a battered pork pie. However, had I created a taste sensation? I thought I was ready. But something stopped me. There was a niggle. Was this what I had become? Such a wonder in the culinary World? Could I truly live with myself if I put famous, successful chefs such as Heston, Gordon and the Roux family out of business? Hell, it's not my fault I'm better than them. I moved my knife. I cut into the battered pork pie and I discovered inside a juicy looking piece of meat back at me. I wasn't scared. I wasn't nervous. I was keen, I was amazed. It flew into my mouth. And my gosh. We have eaten pork pies, they can be stodgy, they can be dry. This thing however, it wasn't any of that. The juices from the meat flowed out of the meat like a new waterwell in the sub-Saharan desert. I'm perhaps not as important as one of these wells, I perhaps don't give what these wells do, however I do know that I have created something better than these wells. I have created the most beautiful pie based treat known to man.
I savoured each bite, it was glorious. I hit some warm, almost liquid like pastry. This gave a whole new dimension to the taste, and one that was most welcome. I eagerly ate the other piece. I didn't need to, I knew that I had created a wonderful thing. But, why buy a Fiat if you can afford a Ferrari...
The battle was over. The adventure had come to an end. It was a short adventure, it was a solitary adventure. However it was one that needed to be done. I have proved to you, my friends, my critics and my fellow food fans, that a Pork Pie doesn't have to be a cold treat on a summers day. No, it can be a taste explosion. It is truly, and I don't wish to overdo this, but it is absoultely magnificent.
And here are some more pictures.
First we have a comparison of a normal pork pie (on the left) and a battered one, on the right. Beside that is a picture of the battered pork pie cut in half, hopefully you can see how moist and juicy it is, really is delicious. The third picture is a live cooking shot! Exciting, huh?! The final picture shows at the left and right two pork pie slices, and in the middle is the chilli. At the front was dessert, that hasn't been covered yet.
I thank you for sharing this adventure with me.
tl;dr - You're lazy, and mean for not reading my story! I tried hard to entertain you! Though, the tl;dr is this - I battered pork pie slices and a pork pie. It was really good and tastes amazing.
Quick mention to Chris Badenoch over at http://chrisbadenoch.com/. I stole the beer batter recipe (though it is very very simple!) off him. It's a great site, I recommend you read it. (I hope he likes my pies!)
-----------------------------
All of the below was before I opened the history books and rewrote them.
Discuss.
My location will probably explain this more than I can ever do but, what do you think? An amazing idea of sheer heart attacking inducing food ecstasy or a daft idea that shouldn't ever be carried out?
We can discuss it now, but I shall provide the answers tomorrow.
Last edited:
and I'm from glasgow.
