1 Big problem in relationship
- Thread starter dal
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I just don't understand it. I'm not religious at all, the whole experience seems absolutely horrific and pointless. I don't need some sort of ridiculously excessive ceremony to confirm my feelings for my partner, nor can I justify the expense of a full works occasion which unfortunately is something she wants, despite me saying right from the get go there is no way on earth I will agree to it.
Soldato
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I don't think most people get married for "religious" reasons and certainly many people have small weddings which do not cost a year's salary.
So why do they do it then? Symbolic gesture of their unending love for their partner or some other nonsense, or because their partner has henpecked them into it? The sort of marriage my partner wants, unfortunately, is exactly as Arknor has said, the whole disney princess full works hideousness (her dream wedding would be at Disney World).
She also knows it's never, ever, going to happen with me.
She also knows it's never, ever, going to happen with me.
![Chris [BEANS]](/styles/overclockers/avatars/6.png){kind=avatar}
Soldato
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Only read the OP, thread too long...
Dude, regardless of what she says now, and she might even mean it at the moment, when you guys split up (and you will, every relationship does) then she'll go for everything she can get.
If you can't live together without marriage then perhaps you just can't live together at all.
Life on your todd with no obligation and no risk of being royally screwed over is the way forward.
Sincerely.
Dude, regardless of what she says now, and she might even mean it at the moment, when you guys split up (and you will, every relationship does) then she'll go for everything she can get.
If you can't live together without marriage then perhaps you just can't live together at all.
Life on your todd with no obligation and no risk of being royally screwed over is the way forward.
Sincerely.
Soldato
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As somebody who is it not married and unsure if I want to at all, I can't really answer your question. But I'm going for symbolic gesture.
Associate
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This is what you're missing. She said she will sign anything that alone is proof you don't need a pre-nup. You don't need to fear marrying her. She wants to be with you for you, not for your money. I know it's hard but get over your trust issues. You're throwing away what could be something great.
You've both made mistakes. Learn from them.
Sounds like a selfish relationship
Soldato
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What a shock! Woman in a "Tell you what you want to hear" right now and then change her mind later in the relationship making you feel bad that you are depriving her of something. Sounds like John Cena and Nikki Bella from WWE Total Divas.
See I knew someone was going to pipe up and say that. Why is it selfish? I have very very strong feelings on this, and see no benefit in a marriage at all. She wants to get married. Where is the middle ground? Get engaged as a half way measure, as others have already said that's a very bad idea. I've been up front from the start of the relationship, we've been together over 5 years, and she has accepted it.
We own a house and live together, we have a joint account and pool all our money together for whatever we want and I see no real difference in our relationship and that of a married couple. What benefit will we see from spending thousands of pounds and spending god knows how many hours arranging a wedding?
Soldato
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So why didnt you end this relationship as soon as you realised you absolutely didn't want something she does?
True, she has probably had it on her agenda to change your mind and has possibly been a little disingenuous herself, but as soon as you realised her game, why didn't you end it?
I'm curious.
Why do you need to end a relationship because one person will not get married? I know she would like to get married, but I also know that it is not a barrier to the long term success of the relationship?
I can't think of any possible reason to end a relationship over this, and I find that response rather scary.
I can't think of any possible reason to end a relationship over this, and I find that response rather scary.
I think one of us on the forum needs to have a sex change, for science. The thought process of some women genuinely baffles me.
Shotgun not me by the way.
What benefit do you get from spending £30k on a new car or £10k on a holiday to somewhere sunny? The benefit is what is MEANS to you, you can't rationalise something like that.
Clearly your fiance sees marriage as a sign of commitment and love between two people - something that it appears (at least to her) you're not willing to offer her.
Because your previous comment comes off extremely one sided.
Doesn't sound like a balanced relationship if you know one of the things what would make your wife happy but insist on crushing it because of your own "good" reasons, instead of trying to find a middle ground.
That said, I'm judging all that off one post so I hope I'm wrong
Exactly right and often problems like this can be very effectively addressed by talking to a relationship councillor who will help both of you see the other's perspective.
Try to be a bit more measured if you can, knee jerk engagement ring, knee jerk splitting up etc.
Not taking sides but Where is the middle ground between marriage & not getting married ? Do you agree to get married for 5 years then divorce for 5 or does just 1 of you get married ?
