1 Big problem in relationship

Everybody is forgetting the point of the thread.

OP isn't against marriage in any ideological sense - he's been married before, after all. He's against getting married because of the impact being married has on his finances in the event the relationship breaks down.

And that causes a problem with his partner, since she can see the only reason he won't marry is because he doesn't believe strongly enough that the relationship is a keeper.

The breakdown isn't about wanting a big day. It's not really about marriage at all - it's about his level of belief in the relationship.
 
LordSplodge said:
So the OP should base every future relationship on what happened in a past relationship?
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No. The OP has decided he doesn't want marriage. His motives behind this are irrelevant to the current relationship. He says "No" and that should be the end of it.

If he's not yet ready to trust then he needs to let her go. However at some point he needs to deal with that trust issue lest it forever be a thorn in his side.
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No. He has decided he doesn't want to do something. It's up to her to decide if she wants to stick around knowing this. He is the neutral here. She is the one wanting something more.
 
wickfut said:
No. The OP has decided he doesn't want marriage. His motives behind this are irrelevant to the current relationship. He says "No" and that should be the end of it.



No. He has decided he doesn't want to do something. It's up to her to decide if she wants to stick around knowing this. He is the neutral here. She is the one wanting something more.
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Well we've already established what happens if he sticks to that line - she broke up with him and moved out!
 
wickfut said:
No. The OP has decided he doesn't want marriage. His motives behind this are irrelevant to the current relationship. He says "No" and that should be the end of it.
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He has already judged the outcome of any future marriage based on the one data point of his previous one.

I never said he isn't free to say no, as he should be. However you can clearly see the motivation behind that no and it is hardly not relevant.

No. He has decided he doesn't want to do something. It's up to her to decide if she wants to stick around knowing this. He is the neutral here. She is the one wanting something more.
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There is no 'neutral' - He doesn't, she does. They're diametrically opposed and the choices are he marries her because he doesn't want to lose her or she accepts that he won't marry her and stays.

If neither of those are palatable, as it appears is the case, they the relationship is over.
 
Women want security.....they want to have that status of marriage that gives them a sense of security that they are being looked after.

When a woman spends a large majority of her adult life looking after her partners kids, while he goes out and earns and provides, they want that security that if it all goes **** up they will have something to survive on.

Unfortunetely too many abuse that system....get married and try to take their partner for whatever they can and now clearly many men resent marriage and women that want it....which is clear from this thread.

Its a sad state of affairs that money ruins peoples happiness and relationships.

Marriage IS NOT a relgious ceremony.......is a day to celebrate your love for one another and commiting your lives to each other.....but its somehow turned into a contract of assets and slowly loosing its shine as people loose trust in potential "gold diggers"
 
Have to say I'm firmly in the, "I've worked damned hard for what I've got, I'm not risking someone nicking half of it!" camp. I've seen several of my friends get cleaned out when it all went south. Not pretty. :o
 
francky said:
Women want security.....they want to have that status of marriage that gives them a sense of security that they are being looked after.

When a woman spends a large majority of her adult life looking after her partners kids, while he goes out and earns and provides, they want that security that if it all goes **** up they will have something to survive on.

Unfortunetely too many abuse that system....get married and try to take their partner for whatever they can and now clearly many men resent marriage and women that want it....which is clear from this thread.

Its a sad state of affairs that money ruins peoples happiness and relationships.
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You do realize this isn't the 19th century any more right? Sexist views like that aren't a reflection on modern society.
 
Hello again, Ive not had a chance to read through every post, read the 1st 3 pages though.

A few things :

1. I don't get that people are saying get married it's only £35k you can loose, jeez your talking like it's £100, I don't know what sort of money you earn but loosing £35k would kill me.

2. A few of you have mentioned that she is entitled to 50% of the house anyway as we bought a house together. We bought in tenants in common with me owning 99% of the property, some of you may think this is harsh but remember she has put next to nothing in ( less than £300 ) and yes I know she is paying towards the mortgage but I am prepared to transfer some of the equity to her as we progress through the mortgage.
Also there is no such thing as common law spouse - a persons right does not increase as the relationship gets older unless of course you marry.

Anyway I've spoken to her and we are back together, I've told her I will not rule out marriage at some point in the future but made it clear it's in no way a promise that we will get married, only a possibility. I have still got more research to do on this pre nup and I've told her so.


Additional : I have kids from my previous marriage but we will not being having kids together as I have had the snip & I told her this with weeks of our relationship starting.
 
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dal said:
Anyway I've spoken to her and we are back together, I've told her I will not rule out marriage at some point in the future but made it clear it's in no way a promise that we will get married, only a possibility. I have still got more research to do on this pre nup and I've told her so.
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so you've basically kept her strung along for a bit longer then with a maybe?
 
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