A Joke*

WillyNelson

WillyNelson

WillyNelson

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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, 'What are you doing?'
She answers, 'I'm moving to London . I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.'
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year'.


*the term joke is used for illustrative purposes only and is not indicative of the level of mirth you may experience.
 
A husband is at home watching a very exciting World Cup soccer game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily; "Fix the light, now? Does it look like I have a Manweb logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"

The wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly"

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Electrolux written on my forehead? I don't think so!"

"Fine" She says, "Then could you at least fix the steps at the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix steps," He says. "Does it look like I have B & Q written on my forehead? I don't think so! I've had enough of you, I'm going to the bar!" So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.

He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey" He asks, "How did all this get fixed?"

She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either, go to bed with him or bake a cake."

Her husband said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Hellooooo......do you see Mr. Kipling written on my forehead?
I DON'T THINK SO!!"
 
Most likly a pearoast and not so funny but it's been circulating and i feel the need to contribute.


Gates vs. GM



For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.





At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,



'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that go 1,000 miles to the gallon.'






In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):


1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........Twice a day.

2. Everytime they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.


3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.


4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.


5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.


6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.


7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off
 
anticonscience said:
A husband is at home watching a very exciting World Cup soccer game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily; "Fix the light, now? Does it look like I have a Manweb logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"

The wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly"

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Electrolux written on my forehead? I don't think so!"

"Fine" She says, "Then could you at least fix the steps at the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix steps," He says. "Does it look like I have B & Q written on my forehead? I don't think so! I've had enough of you, I'm going to the bar!" So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.

He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey" He asks, "How did all this get fixed?"

She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either, go to bed with him or bake a cake."

Her husband said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Hellooooo......do you see Mr. Kipling written on my forehead?
I DON'T THINK SO!!"
Click to expand...

Whoever made that up needs to be shot.
 
I'm disgusted by the original joke here, I've never heard it before and it is relatively funny which brings the whole idea of an OcUK joke thread into disrepute.

The other two are much more like the standard I'd expect.
 
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