A Joke*

Capn' $qu!ff said:
Most likly a pearoast and not so funny but it's been circulating and i feel the need to contribute.


Gates vs. GM



For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.





At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,



'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that go 1,000 miles to the gallon.'






In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):


1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........Twice a day.

2. Everytime they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.


3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.


4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.


5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.


6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.


7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off
Click to expand...

1995 called, it wants it's chain mail back.
 
747 over the atlantic, Suddenly, there is no fuel, and it starts to go down...

Pilot says over the tannoy, that they are going down, and that everyone should brake themselves to ditch into the drink.

Suddenly, a stewardess runs into the cockpit, rips off her shirt and tells the pilot to make her feel like a woman...

Pilot rips off his shirt and says "IRON THIS".
 
Oh dear, if we're talking old airline jokes, how about this one...

A passenger on a flight from London to New York is sitting very comfortably in business class, when an attractive air hostess approaches him with the jug of coffee. She asks him, "Can I interest you in some of our TWA Coffee, sir?’ He looks her up and down and says, "No thanks. But I'd like some of your TWA Tea"
Click to expand...
 
FatRakoon said:
747 over the atlantic, Suddenly, there is no fuel, and it starts to go down...

Pilot says over the tannoy, that they are going down, and that everyone should brake themselves to ditch into the drink.

Suddenly, a stewardess runs into the cockpit, rips off her shirt and tells the pilot to make her feel like a woman...

Pilot rips off his shirt and says "IRON THIS".
Click to expand...

LOL :D
 
The trouble with all the jokes I know, is that they are all offensive.

I dont know why I have a knack of remembering jokes at the most awkward times... I wont give you examples cos even they will offend someone, but you all surely know what I mean!

And the really annoying thing is that the offensive jokes are the best ones and anyone who is a real person wont get upset by them and take them as they are meant to be ... a joke!

Its like me and my mate... Im white as snow and he is black as coal and we just love crossing at a zebra crossing.... We think its funny, and we have a few giggles about it, but there are others who wont and dont.

Another laugh we have is that we both drink guiness... He said its the superiority of a BLACK DRINK, but then I said yes, but the white always stays on top... Its a joke FFS!
 
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