A little friendship help...

M0T

M0T

M0T

Soldato
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Right I seem to have a problem with a friend of mine that I'd like some advice with.

First a little background:
My sister is 15 and pretty mental, she used to self harm, has on several occassions tried to stab me in the face (completely unprovoked), she starts arguments with my mum for no reason and constantly swears at her and says she is going to kill her in the night etc. In the last 6 months or so she has been getting better, probably because we moved out from my dad and our home life is a lot better.

My friend is almost 20 and he is a top bloke, everyone likes him and hes gay, so I know hes not doing it because he fancies her or anything. He has been round and heard the things she says to my mum and he always goes in and comforts her, which imo is not the right way to deal with the situation. Its like a reward for telling someone you wish they were dead.


Anyway, earlier at dinner my sister started shouting something that I'd rather my mum didn't hear for no particular reason. It seemed strange to me because I hadn't done anything and we don't usually fall out since I pretty much keep away from her. So shes shouting this stuff out and I just play it down and walk off, I go upstairs and get on the internet and start chatting to my mate. I mention what shes done and I know he feels a little guilty because I'm pretty sure it was him that told her in the first place because he thought she knew. I mentioned that sometimes it seems like she is just provoking people because she wants them to hurt her, and she seems to fight with her friends a lot as well. Now he knows that I am not a violent person at all, and I wouldn't hit my sister but despite this he then took it upon himself to physically threaten me if I did anything to her? Firstly its not really any of his business and secondly how dare he threaten me? I told him where to go at that point and haven't spoken to him since.

What do I do about this? It seems a bit off to threaten one of your best mates like he did, and I know that my mum would appreciate it if he stopped pandering to my sister when she throws a wobbly, which tbh he probably does it just because he likes that people like him.
 
Wait til he apologises I guess. Or duke it out tbh. I think you may need to tell him straight that he needs to stop pandering if that's what you and your mum both want.
 
Your family really has nothing to do to him, maybe you could explain to him what you've said here. Tell him that you want to treat your sister in this way (ignoring her when she plays up) then ask him polietly to respect that.
 
Sounds like.

1) stuff the freind..
2) you getting any proffesional help for your sister? Doesn't sound like the usual teen problems. Especially with the self harming stuff.
 
Yeah she goes to counselling every week, and we hope it helps her but theres no real way of knowing, sometimes she seems just as bad as she ever was.
 
M0T said:
Yeah she goes to counselling every week, and we hope it helps her but theres no real way of knowing, sometimes she seems just as bad as she ever was.
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:thumbs:
In that case just ditch the friend unles he apologise on his own accord, threatning you FFS..
 
Tell him what you have told us (that you would rather he didn't comfort your sister when she has one of her evil turns).

If he can't respect this then you need to ask him, politely, not to visit any more as you feel he is doing more harm than good.

At the end of the day she's your sister and he should respect your wishes.

As for the threatening bit, it seems to be a thing with some blokes. I've had it in the past when I've started seeing a girl, her brother will take you aside and say "If you do anything to hurt my sister, you'll have me to answer to".
I always feel like saying "In the unlikely event that I wanted to hurt your sister you wouldn't be able to stop me you little freak."

I think some guys think it makes them look chivalrous and loyal when, really, it just makes them look like prats.

/Rant over.

Stan :)
 
Brat Camp all round

I think your friend took what you said the wrong way. Your sister has issues, she needs help.
 
M0T, are you sure your sister hasn't been telling porkies to your friend to make him think your actually hurting your sister in some way? It would explain why he reacted like he did.
Sounds to me like you should talk to your friend and perhaps find out why he said it - if it's the 'guy' thing like Bigstan suggested, tell your friend to mind his own business. If you find out your sister has been telling porkies, i'd suggest maybe actually trying to talk to your sister.
 
Nix said:
M0T, are you sure your sister hasn't been telling porkies to your friend to make him think your actually hurting your sister in some way? It would explain why he reacted like he did.
Sounds to me like you should talk to your friend and perhaps find out why he said it - if it's the 'guy' thing like Bigstan suggested, tell your friend to mind his own business. If you find out your sister has been telling porkies, i'd suggest maybe actually trying to talk to your sister.
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Good advice dude :)

Stan :)
 
i'm with stretch on this one... he may not fancy her though, but he wants her to fancy him. sounds like more trouble that he's worth tbh, and i would tell him to stay away from your family and have nothing more to do with him.
 
Nix said:
M0T, are you sure your sister hasn't been telling porkies to your friend to make him think your actually hurting your sister in some way? It would explain why he reacted like he did.
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That was my first thought when I read:
M0T said:
Now he knows that I am not a violent person at all, and I wouldn't hit my sister but despite this he then took it upon himself to physically threaten me if I did anything to her?
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Knowing your mate, is there any other reason you can think of that would explain his reaction?

Oh and yes, I think he's bang out of order as well! ;)
 
I can't see why he would do it.

He does know what she is like, and he knows that in the past she has told him total lies when he asked her why she did some of the things she did, so I can't believe he would fall for it.
 
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