Advice for a new dad (arguing after newborn)...

Just be the chilled one and don't get dragged into arguments, it's just tiredness that will make your fuses shorter

Boob feed is much harder on the mum than bottle so she will be maximum pooped
 
="Sleeping when baby sleeps is good advice, but sometimes difficult. Our little one doesn't like being put in a cot and wants to be close to his mum to sleep, and a lot of the time he will nod off after breastfeeding, sleeping on his mum. Which means that she can't sleep then. This is why we're trying the bed-sharing, because at least that way if he sleeps after being fed, his mum is also in a position to be able to sleep safely.
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I would break that habit now if the baby will not settle and always wants to be held..... my second child tried that and it took some time to break him out of it...electric blanket on low helped.
sleeping when baby sleeps can be hard BUT micro naps have proven to work and micro naps are better than no sleep at all
 
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kissenger said:
I agree with you about the 'push present'. It's a stupid idea. In my head, it was more important to spend the money on things the baby or my other half would actually need, and my bank account has taken a hammering lately, so I didn't get her one.

On the issue of waking up in the night, I'm willing to accept I might be wrong, but my thinking is: if my other half is on maternity, at least she can catch-up on sleep during the day (i.e., when the baby naps), whereas I have to work all day. I have said to her that I'm happy to do it on weekends when I'm not at work, but I think she expects more.
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men seem to think money will solve almost anything {we are kinda dumb that way}

you may work but no matter how hard you work it is not a patch on what you're partner is doing, dont forget baby's are just as hard in the day as night
i may sound nasty towards you but i am not... i have been in your position, you just have to have more understanding and MAN UP as they say the first few weeks are the hardest
 
lol "push present".....crikey!

My sympathies though, as it must be an incredibly tough time for you both. My advice is a re-iteration of what has been said above -talk to each other a lot, also don't underestimate the power of a long hug when things get a bit emotional.
 
Another vote for expressing (electric pump ftw). It gets easier dude, but right now you're both knackered, so you just gotta be helpful. Don't complain if you have a crying baby for longer than you thought. Soon they will be sleeping all the time and you'll be grand
 
Having a newborn in the house isn’t much fun. It’s hard work and can be soul destroying. Sleep deprivation is used as torture! It gets better, but it can feel like it’s never ending. Arguing is normal as is feeling like the sky is falling in.

Your role is to support your partner wherever possible. You now come third. Breastfeeding is hard and your partner will need all the help you can give her.

Take more time off work if you can. If that’s not possible, take the baby off your partner when you get in from work and let her sleep. Even for a couple of hours, or have an early dinner and let your partner go to bed straight after dinner and you keep the baby until midnight.

By all means listen to the people who suggest splitting maternity leave. You’ll then realise how much your wife is having to do in the day when you’re out at work. I now understand what people mean when they come to work for a break from the children.

The one thing I would say is that you don’t both need to be awake all the time. If you’re not breastfeeding overnight, you need to be sleeping well and then taking the strain in the day using your comparatively well rested brain.

Good luck!
 
kissenger said:
Our little one doesn't like being put in a cot and wants to be close to his mum to sleep, and a lot of the time he will nod off after breastfeeding, sleeping on his mum. Which means that she can't sleep then. This is why we're trying the bed-sharing...
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I wouldn't normally respond to a thread like this but you did ask and my wife used to say things like your comment above.

The baby is too young to dislike a cot. Your projecting that thought onto them and they'll quickly get used to whatever routine you put in place. Of course they like getting cuddled to sleep but if you don't get them into a moses basket or cot now, you're making a rod for your own back later.

Get them into their own bed and put them in it when they're sleeping. It's nice to hold them when they're sleeping but try not to do it too much and certainly not at night when you should be getting some kip. You guys will sleep better for it as well.

I'd also say get them onto bottles ASAP. Breast feeding is a nightmare and makes it really difficult to establish a routine at the start as you don't know what their taking.

I've got two kids by the way and both slept through the night in their own beds almost right from the start. They were also fed on formula from the start and both are healthy and do well in school It's not held them back.

It's the breast fed ones that are all mental. :)

All that said, you just need to wing it a bit for the first couple of weeks. Good luck!
 
Breast is best once you're past the first 6 weeks or so. I would get up and fetch baby, plug it onto Mrs C, who just continued lying on the bed on her side, then return baby to bed when she nudged me to say it'd finished. They were nursed to 21 and 18 months respectively because it was so easy.

Possibly harder at the start, with a newborn, admittedly. Although I wouldn't want to have been ******* about with sterilising and mixing or whatever in the middle of the night.

Suck it up, OP. Mrs C barely changed a nappy whilst I was in the house. You gotta pull your weight. it's down to you to provide a boost to the parenting energy, and realise quickly that going out to work is now your rest time: home life is the real job!
 
Meths said:
I wouldn't normally respond to a thread like this but you did ask and my wife used to say things like your comment above.

The baby is too young to dislike a cot. Your projecting that thought onto them and they'll quickly get used to whatever routine you put in place. Of course they like getting cuddled to sleep but if you don't get them into a moses basket or cot now, you're making a rod for your own back later.

Get them into their own bed and put them in it when they're sleeping. It's nice to hold them when they're sleeping but try not to do it too much and certainly not at night when you should be getting some kip. You guys will sleep better for it as well.
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I see what you're saying, and we do try to force the issue (we'll warm up the cot using a hot water bottle and we'll put something that my other half has worn near the cot so that baby feels safer), but it gets exhausting putting him to bed and having him wake up 15 minutes later (or less!), needing to be settled again. And sometimes he will only settle if he has another feed, so to avoid a really tired, cranky baby we sometimes just let him sleep on his mum. But maybe we should go zero tolerance with it? When my other half is really tired I'll tend to take baby off her after he's fed, and let him sleep on my chest for a couple hours while she goes upstairs for a nap.

We're contemplating formula feeding, but probably not until we know it will work. No point moving to formula if we're still gonna have a fussy baby afterwards.
 
cheesyboy said:
I would get up and fetch baby, plug it onto Mrs C, who just continued lying on the bed on her side, then return baby to bed when she nudged me to say it'd finished.
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I'd be happy to do this, but she doesn't like feeding baby lying on her side. She thinks her big boobs are gonna suffocate him. And baby doesn't like being moved after a feed (although this might be a conditioning thing).
 
kissenger said:
I see what you're saying, and we do try to force the issue (we'll warm up the cot using a hot water bottle and we'll put something that my other half has worn near the cot so that baby feels safer), but it gets exhausting putting him to bed and having him wake up 15 minutes later (or less!), needing to be settled again. And sometimes he will only settle if he has another feed, so to avoid a really tired, cranky baby we sometimes just let him sleep on his mum. But maybe we should go zero tolerance with it? When my other half is really tired I'll tend to take baby off her after he's fed, and let him sleep on my chest for a couple hours while she goes upstairs for a nap.

We're contemplating formula feeding, but probably not until we know it will work. No point moving to formula if we're still gonna have a fussy baby afterwards.
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You'll find what works for you, it's not a one size fits all and normal to rip into each other when your both shattered.

Everyone has an opinion on what's best but you'll get so much conflicting advice you really need to decide for yourself .

It'll get easier in a couple of weeks .
 
Our first born never slept more than 45 minutes for 8 months. Cried about 6 to 8 hours solid a day.

Buckle up!

We never never went back for number two.
 
Between my two kids my wife and I didn't get a decent night's sleep for at least six years. It's tiring but you just have to realise that your old life has gone and you do whatever you can to help each other and your kid.

Without meaning to be rude you both sound a little selfish. She will be working all day too as a baby is very hard work. You both have a full day of work ahead of you so should still share the nights. Also getting upset because she asked you to look after your child for ten minutes and it turned into forty five is not right. Equally on her side wanting a push present shows she is a bit materialistic. You both need to understand that your wants and needs are now secondary to your child's needs.

It's much harder work than probably anyone has ever explained to you. I have two lovely kids and don't regret it for a minute. But I would never want to go through that again.

Sit down. Talk to each other. Assume everything has to be shared and the pecking order is now baby, mother a long way behind that and father way, way, way behind either. Your job is now to earn for them and be there to make sure they are both OK, whatever that means doing and however tiring it is.
 
Mr Joshua said:
Push present, God almighty give me strength.
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This, what on earth is this? Urgh

But OP, don’t beat yourself up. This is pretty normal, you’re both new parents. A lot of stress and doubt initially will cause arguments, just need to get through this early stage and you’ll both be golden. Neither of you should take it personally if the other is slightly tired or lacking in patience
 
Whatever you do, don't tell her about this thread.

I'd forget any notions of right/wrong and reasonable/unreasonable for a while. Just help as much as you can and keep your mouth firmly shut. :)
 
Yep, we found it really hard, looking back, we just had no time to think or rest properly.

I'm not sure what the answer is in today's disparate society.

I suppose if I had some advice it would be try not to care about things and just go with the flow, it's very difficult though when you've had no sleep and the baby won't stop screaming.

The work thing can make things worse depending on your job,
 
Sounds like you are feeding on demand. Such a bad idea, its not a good foundation for a child at all.

Having a new born in the house was not 'hard work' or 'soul destroying', it was the best time of my life. Yes, there was a lack of sleep and always things to do but hey, that's a new life there. Things have to change in your life as well. The only thing that you might want to watch out for is postnatal depression.

kissenger said:
And baby doesn't like being moved after a feed (although this might be a conditioning thing).
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Don't forget you have to burp him after every feed!
 
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