Advise needed

gary996 · 2 Apr 2006 at 20:20

Ok short story
Moved to Canada May 2005 with Wife. Day before we left found out Wife was pregnant.
Wife now wants to return to UK and take our son of course.
I love it here in Canada far better than England I have a good job and great friends.
I have had my family telling me I will have to come back as I cant loose my son and if I dont they will never forgive me.
If I come back I believe it will end in divorce (wife still loves me) as i will regret coming back.

What would you do??

cleanbluesky · 2 Apr 2006 at 20:23

When you finalise your decision, always remember that it is your choice and never blame your wife - even once you have made your choice and cannot change it. Whatever you choose, I sympathise with your position.

panthro · 2 Apr 2006 at 20:24

I wouldnt sacrifice my family for the sake of living in canada. Dont regret it, you love her and you will have a baby to love as well. Just come back here, let things happen, once your child is born you might be able to negotiate a move back to canada. Love conquers all!

EDIT: mis-read 2005 for 2006. Your son is already born

I would move back to UK and see how it goes.

JohnnyG · 2 Apr 2006 at 20:24

gary996 said:
What would you do??

Nail her feet to the floor.
Why does she want to come back here?

Sleepy · 2 Apr 2006 at 20:27

gary996 said:
If I come back I believe it will end in divorce (wife still loves me) as i will regret coming back.

What would you do??

On one hand: Son and possible future with wife on the other friends. Doesn't sound like much of a choice to me.

cleanbluesky · 2 Apr 2006 at 20:32

Sleepy said:
On one hand: Son and possible future with wife on the other friends. Doesn't sound like much of a choice to me.

Of course not, on the surface and for the moment... but in this situation you have to consider the possibility that the OP will capitulate with the demands of the OP's wife. He moves back to the UK, and perhaps he misses what he had in Canada. Who do you think would get the blame in this scenario?

lozza · 2 Apr 2006 at 21:18

It's a hard situation, and from your comments it will end in divorce either way.

Your both English by the sounds of it, you now have a 2-3 month old son, your out working you have great friends that i presume you see quite often, your wife has 24/7 with a small baby.

She will be missing the closeness of her family, at a time like this, when you need family to be close to help with the baby. she is probably feeling very overwhelmed with the situation and maybe felling that she doesn't get enough support form you, hence wanting to be back home near her mum and dad. There is probably postnatal depression in there too.

If you all stay put, your wife will probably get deeper into depression and the marriage will break up.

If you come back to england you say you'll be full of resent which will cause stormy waters and eventually you will break up.

If you stay over there and you wife comes back, you loose your whole family everything - but you stil have a job you like and good mates

Do you love your wife and son?

Wryel · 2 Apr 2006 at 21:25

I know this sounds harsh, but do you think she loves you anymore? I mean, how can she be planning to return to England whether or not you decide to follow?

beaNN · 2 Apr 2006 at 21:39

Wryel said:
I know this sounds harsh, but do you think she loves you anymore? I mean, how can she be planning to return to England whether or not you decide to follow?

^^ What he said, why on earth would she want to come back here :eek:

RaidenGB · 2 Apr 2006 at 22:05

beaNN said:
^^ What he said, why on earth would she want to come back here

Never Heard of the Saying "There's Know Place Like Home"

Freefaller · 2 Apr 2006 at 22:06

Can she legally take your son back to the UK? Does she have a job to provide and income and quality of life for him? If not, then I think it's outrageous for her to expect to take him back, certainly if you're well established. However at the same time marriage is about teamwork and certain sacrifices to an extent - this seems like too much of one. You've hardly been there a year - why is she itching to go back so much? I presume you've chatted about this... who's side is the family taking?

It's a pretty tough situation... I don't envy you!

Freefaller · 2 Apr 2006 at 22:07

RaidenGB said:
Never Heard of the Saying "There's Know Place Like Home"

It depends on your definition of home... for me it's anywhere I enjoy being or anywhere I've lived for a while. It may well be different for you, but it's very subjective.

gary996 · 2 Apr 2006 at 22:14

She wants to be with her family her mum and dad are splitting up have been for a while so this dos'nt help. I wake in the mornings here and drive to work with lovely snow capped mountains around me. This place is a picture I would miss it. Yes I love my son very much, if he was not here (been born) I would tell my wife to bugger off back to UK

cleanbluesky · 2 Apr 2006 at 22:15

gary996 said:
She wants to be with her family her mum and dad are splitting up have been for a while so this dos'nt help. I wake in the mornings here and drive to work with lovely snow capped mountains around me. This place is a picture I would miss it. Yes I love my son very much, if he was not here (been born) I would tell my wife to bugger off back to UK

And if you did move back to UK, would you blame her?

willd58 · 2 Apr 2006 at 23:02

what right does she have to demand to move back to england?

zain · 2 Apr 2006 at 23:24

OK its all fair her mom n dad having problems but does that mean permenant moving back to the UK AND taking YOUR child? Seems theres something more to this pretty picture.

It begs the question, if she was high flying in a career with great mates would she give it up for you? me thinks not.

I cant advice what to do as I wouldnt know myself. I probably wouldnt move back but I also wouldnt let my child go.

gary996 · 3 Apr 2006 at 00:35

She has said that she is very unhappy here. All she has is our son 24/7 she has made no friends and has no intention of doing so. She has had this move back to UK in her head since about a month or so after arriving. She wants our son to grow up with his family knowing him (cousins).
She made no effort what so ever to make this Canada move work. It also took us 3 years to do the move what with filling in paperwork and different test etc. Surely she could have found out before spending a whle pile of cash to get here.

starscream · 3 Apr 2006 at 00:57

Thats a really bad situation

and to be honest I think it's too important to base any decisions on any responses you get on a forum of people who don't really know the ins and outs of your situation. All I'd say is that whatever you do, it sounds like you have a few issues with your wife that need sorting out regardless of what haapens. I really hope it works out for you

daz · 3 Apr 2006 at 01:22

In my personal opinion, put your family first.

lozza · 3 Apr 2006 at 11:00

gary996 said:
She has said that she is very unhappy here. All she has is our son 24/7 she has made no friends and has no intention of doing so. She has had this move back to UK in her head since about a month or so after arriving. She wants our son to grow up with his family knowing him (cousins).
She made no effort what so ever to make this Canada move work. It also took us 3 years to do the move what with filling in paperwork and different test etc. Surely she could have found out before spending a whle pile of cash to get here.

Maybe she wanted to give it a go for your sake because it was what you wanted. She didn't realise how hard it would be, having no intention of making friends is very hard to believe - i think maybe she is of a character that finds it difficult to make friends easy.