Am I being un-reasonable?

Shikkaka

Shikkaka

Shikkaka

Soldato
Joined
10 Jun 2003
Posts
2,883
Location
Nottingham
Hi all,

Here's how it goes.

My girlfriend got a flat about 2 months ago. She pays all the rent and bills etc as I havn't officially moved in yet. I have however been pretty much living with her. I've not slept at home since she moved in and we both class the flat as "our place".

Now something in her familly has kicked off and it goes something like this.

Her mum is an alcholic. She is very ill at the minute and is in hospital. She owns a flat about 3 miles from ours. My gfs two sisters are living at this flat and are currently under the supervision of their uncle (another alcy in the familly). The uncle is constantly drunk all day long and is in no way looking after the two kids. Someone has called the social on my gfs mum and they have been round to the flat for a visit. When they went round it was an utter ****hole. Since the visit they have called the dad of the two sisters and asked if the younger one can move in with them. He has said no due to his gf not liking the 12 year old. The 15 year old is apparently ok to stay at the flat.

Now the two sisters are little ***** to be honest. They have never been told what to do or been told off for doing things wrong. They basically don't listen to anyone and don't care. They have no respect for anyone or anything.

Now obviously being the nice caring person my gf is, she has no choice but to have the 12 year old round the flat till things are sorted. I was ok with this at first (being a supportive bf) but i've had a think into it. We both work full time. My gf is working earlies next week so will be leaving at 7:00, i am working a little later so won't be leaving till 8:00. This basically means I am alone with the sisters for an hour each morning and she is also left alone all day in the flat. Now my gf doesn't trust either of her sisters so cat in hells chance if I am going to trust her. She is constantly having random 15 - 17 year old low life chavs round her mums flat, i suspect the same to happen here. This is the bit where I am apparently being unreasonable!

I have spoken to my gf about this and raised my concerns and she has basically fallen out with me for not being supportive. I have basically said I don't want to be alone with her for an hour in the morning and I don't fancy leaving all my belongings lying around the flat if all these chavs are coming in. Thus I have said I will probably get my stuff and move back home till it blows over. I havn't said this is any nasty or horrible way, just explained how I feel about the situation. I have even understood why she has been put in this situation.

So.... do you think I am being unreasonable?

Sorry for the long post :p
 
If its gonna put strain on you, then move back out for a bit till its sorted. Seems fair to me :)
 
I dunno if unreasonable is the right word but you're basically abandoning your gf to look after the situation on her own, so I can understand that she's annoyed with you. Make sure that the house rules are clear that no-one is allowed in while you're not at home, and consider putting a lock on your bedroom door where you keep all the valuables.
 
Could just lock the sisters in a cupboard once your gf's gone.

Nah i think its reasonable enough for you to move home, if you refused to let the two girls stay in your house, that would be a little harsh.
 
scorza said:
I dunno if unreasonable is the right word but you're basically abandoning your gf to look after the situation on her own, so I can understand that she's annoyed with you. Make sure that the house rules are clear that no-one is allowed in while you're not at home, and consider putting a lock on your bedroom door where you keep all the valuables.
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That is the problem. House rules or not, they will not listen. Even my gf knows this. They don't care.
 
Seems fair to me, if you can't trust them and if she doesn't trust them then why would you want all your valuables left alone with them?

It sounds to me that your gf is a nice person who can't say no and just wants some support in this, but frankly there isn't a win situation in this as all it's going to do is cause problems whether you try to support her or not.
 
If you do lock your possessions in a bedroom, then it will be safe unless they force it open. I that case, it becomes criminal matter.
 
as you dont pay any bills i dont think its fair for you to have a proper say in the matters.

however you should definately keep your stuff secured!
 
My girlfriend got a flat about 2 months ago. She pays all the rent and bills etc as I havn't officially moved in yet.
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TBH, I don't think you have any say whatsoever in what goes on in HER flat, regardless of whether you are bunking there or not. Pay some rent and then you can have a say.
 
I think your being unreasonable, a relationship will have good times and **** times. This will be one of the latter times. Your gf will need you support more than ever for the next few months. You should just suck it up and stay. Deal with any problems/chavs as and when they arrive. And make sure you spend some quality time away from the flat just the two of you, otherwise it could all end in tears.
 
the_one_deep86 said:
as you dont pay any bills i dont think its fair for you to have a proper say in the matters.

however you should definately keep your stuff secured!
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I havn't told her they are not to come round have I?

Just expressed I don't like it so will move myself out.
 
You are being reasonable to an extent - but she does have a major point: you are leaving her alone to deal with this.

Instead of moving out, can't you leave your valuables at 'home' (where you planned to move out to), and simply be with your girlfriend? Your presence is all the support she needs or wants in my opinion :)
 
I think you're being reasonable. I can totally see where your girlfriend is coming from, and from one side, it's fair enough. But I think ultimately, if you don't want to live there, then you don't HAVE to. I can appreciate your girlfriend wanting support, and I think you should be there to do that. But you can still do so whilst living at home.
 
AcidHell2 said:
I think your being unreasonable, a relationship will have good times and **** times. This will be one of the latter times. Your gf will need you support more than ever for the next few months. You should just suck it up and stay. Deal with any problems/chavs as and when they arrive. And make sure you spend some quality time away from the flat just the two of you, otherwise it could all end in tears.
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How do I get into your dream world
 
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