Am i in the wrong with the girlfirend

[dean_ham]

Sorry for posting here but i need a neutral reply from people i dont know.

OK

Basically im an electrical apprentice bringing home £220 a week, which i save roughly half of that for future savings, holidays etc.

My girlfirend is also an apprentice, hairdressing earning £100 a week + tips.

After coming back from holidays last september we decided to go on holls this june.

I found off her the other day while looking for hollidays that i would "have to lend her money for holidays"

How much i asked.... well i got £300 (money left over from her birthday money) what about money saved for the holiday? I got nothing she says....

Now ive been going out with the girl for 3 years and i do trust her. But i am so angry that she hasnt saved NOTHING in the last 6-7 months. I know shes only on £100 a week, and her outgoings are at most £30-40 a week. She has £60+ a week to play with. But this week she will be going out on friday/saturday and sunday... and would rather go out 3 times on the weekend that go out once and save the rest.. which has pee'd me off.

So then i gotta lend her money.... shes goes off looking for holidays to egypt/dominican republic all roughly £700.

Bascially i said to her, if i lend you this money when you gonna pay me back?
She goes off on a mad one saying "you know ill pay you back etc etc"

I then basically told her i aint lending you the money because you havent saved 1 penny. I told her if she actually saved a bit i would give you the rest but she hasnt saved 1 bit.

She thinks i got a cheek to ask her when shes going to pay me back etc.

Im telling her that shes living beyond her means and that she cant afford to go on holls thats why i aint giving her the money.

Worst thing about it we "were" going on holls for my 21st...... looks like we have split up now and am confused if i was right to stand my ground or not?

Opinions....

Cheers guys

p.s worst thing about it her mother agrees with her that im a {EDIT} for not lending her money and i feel like rubbish.

edit : sorry for 1 or 2 swearies, spur of the moment angry post

 

[dean_ham]

She cant lend any money off her mother because she has no money.

Thats the thing, IF SHE NEEDED THE MONEY i would give it to her no problems but its a holliday!

She is 18...

She has £60-70 a week to spend what she wants on.....

At least she could have saved £10 a week of that for the last 6-8 months. She would have £250-350 by now....

 

[dean_ham]

And before you all may think im a tight arse, if we goto pictures or somthing i always pay etc, its not as if i pay for mine u pay for yours.

And to be fair she never expects me to pay for anything when we go out, she always offers to pay and sometimes she does.

But its different paying for my £5 cinema ticket and then expecting a £700 holiday ticket in return because "she has never asked for anything off me before"

She can spin...

I am feeling sick that we have finnished over somthing so unnecessary, and 3 1/2 years of waste.... But now i realise what sort of girl she is and that ive been trying to put it out of my mind for so long... oh well

 

[dean_ham]

3.5 years of waste? Oh do grow up. No relationship that lasts some time is a waste. You're saying things you don't mean because you're angry. You should above all put it down to experience if it is well and truely over. I'm sorry to burst your bubble too, but very few teenage relationships last the distance.

Yes i can see where your coming from and most prob i have learned a thing or 2 from this relationship.

But ive been with her since i was 17, i have missed out on a lot of things aswell by being with her.

But what i mean that its a waste is that i was planning on getting a house with her and doing the "live happily ever after"

I suppose thats not going to happen with this girl and it seems like a waste of time and effort at the moment....

 

[dean_ham]

18 yearold girls have less maturity than I do.

She just wants a free holiday.

Prehaps, i will never know....

 

[dean_ham]

Look mate, the "I missed out on a lot of things" lark is not going to rub off on me. I would've given my right arm to have had a girlfriend at 17.

If you still want to be with her, the ball is in your court. If not, move on and stop regurgitating dribble.

If she's like this over a holiday, you would've been in trouble by the time you came to get a mortgage. Ever consider that?

I have considered that, thats why we have finnished.

And i do think its a waste of time because i could have spent the last 3 years with a girl who is on the same wavelength and aims in life, rather than her....

 

[dean_ham]

Just imagine how they relationship would work out when you lend her a few hundred and she has no plans of giving it back.

You have every right not to lend her the money seeing as she hasn't saved a thing. I've been on less money than her and still saved for things. And she sounds like an immature person that just doesn't want to save and choose the easy option at the expense of you.

You're in the right.

Thanks a lot.

What makes me mad is that im telling her "i aint gonna lend you the money because you cant afford it. You are living beyond your means etc etc "

I told her i dont want you to start getting into debt. What happens when you owe me £700 for the holiday and you need to some more money for something. Your debt will get higher and higher,

Basically this finnished her off she went ballistic..

 

[dean_ham]

Which only says to me that she had no intention of paying you back. She's angry you saw through her.

Maybe... i will never know. But she has never borrowed money off me before or expected me to pay for things etc.

To be honest our relationship has been a little rocky in recent months silly arguments. I think one thing, she thinks another etc. Both of us think we are right etc...

Maybe you are right...

What makes me sad is that the first 2 or so years was amazing, we got on like a house on fire. The last 6 months has gone down hill. Mainly with her no sence of compremise (and her mother inturupting in our relationship) and with me she says i over react....

I suppose its the best to call it a day, but its sad that the first 2 and a bit years was soooo good and i couldnt have wished for a better girlfriend and wanted to be with her forever...

 

[dean_ham]

I can see where you're coming from and agree that you shouldn't be lending money to a girl who hasn't bothered to save anything up, choosing to rely on you for cash. However, I feel that splitting up over this is a little OTT. Sure, argue and fall out, but a 2 year relationship shouldn't finish because of this. Go and have a talk with her, explain the situation without getting angry, and perhaps talk about going on holiday later in the year. Holidays will get cheaper out of season, and it will give her some time to make an effort and save up some cash.

Alternatively, I was talking to Leon the other day. They have all inclusive for 1 week in the Dominican for a touch under £300 per person at the moment. That's ALL you'd need to spend because it includes everything.

Thats the thing tho, there is no compramise with the girl. Its all or nothing. I havent seen her since tuesday. And have been trying to sort it out over the phone, as soon as i say my side of the story she goes mental and slams the phone down.

I told her yesterday if you wanna sort it out we will have to see eachother face to face and talk about it properly.

She didnt text back....

I phone her up this morning and say whats happening why didnt you text me back. She says she is sooooooooo angry that i wont lend her the money and that i dont trust her etc.

 

[dean_ham]

as for her mother - unless youve forgotten to tell us something you'd expect her to side with her daughter BUT to have said her daughter was right is only teaching her to live outside her means... this is a bad example as she should be telling her about the real world, to be independant and not live the rest of her life paying off debts or owing people.

Thats the thing, her mother is a single mother. Enjoying life going out 2-3 times a week living on her last penny. Not a penny to her name.

Thats where half the problem is....And her mother is sideing with her saying how much of a bad boyfriend i am by not lending her money.

 

[dean_ham]

But it's not really a matter of trust, it's fact that she hasn't saved a thing. It's also fact that she goes out and she must spend a lot of money going out 3 times a week.

She expected you to give her a full amount of money after her saving no money and by the sounds of it not even trying. FACT!

Exacly, you summed it up for me.

So generally am i in the right? To ease my mind?

My parents agree with me, and its got to the point recently that they hate my girlfriend and her mother on the basis of these recent arguments. They put on a brave face when she does come up her once or twice a week.

They are basically telling me to finnish her and that i deserve someone better... i just need advice and opinions from neutral people....

Luckily i havent lost touch with my friends (like she has - for a few reasons, and spends a lot of time drinking in the rugby club with her mother) But i dont like talking about things like this to my m8's, i will end up in tears lol. But the general opinion from a few of my m8s is that its upto me, do what i think is best.

 

[dean_ham]

she shouldnt just expect you to give her the money whenever she needs it

what if you didnt have any money either? what would she do you think...

Because i have a few thousand saved her reply was....

I would lend my last penny to you, and you wont lend me nothing.... ITS NOT AS IF YOU WILL MISS IT ANYWAY.....

cheeky *****!!!!!

 

[dean_ham]

Its obvious to me she had no intention saving and expected you to pay from the word go. She is also carrying on like a child and not to surprising from an 18 year old.

Id just point out to her that if she hasnt been able to save anything now, how does she expect to pay you back? Answer is - she wouldnt. Would be a gift and not a loan.

Thats what i said to her, if u cant save nothing in the last few months, how will you pay me back

"oh you know i will pay you back" her answer was.

To be fair she is only going out 3 times this weekend. But generally shes guaranteed to go out on the weekend, maybe 2wice on the weekend. I am not stopping her at the end of the day shes 18.

But surely she could have saved somthing.

Shes even been going up the gym in the last few months, £3 a time.
Me the sensible one i pay £200 a year, which works out a lot cheaper.
Shes up there 3-5 times a week = £10-15, and she wonders wheres her money going.....

.... Grrrrrr

 

[dean_ham]

Cheers for the replies guys, i feel a lot better that the majority agree with me. I am not exagerating this what so ever, what ive typed is basically whats happend.

Think ill sort out a holliday with the boys instead! lol

 

[dean_ham]

no.
even if your right, even if she KNOWS your right, you WILL be wrong in the end, either she will make your life hard or leave you. simple as.

Dont really understand that comment. And why have you added will I win in the quote?

Its nothing about winning.

The only reason i posted here is because i wanted other peoples opinions. Because shes made me feel like rubbish, but on the other hand people close to me say that im in the right....

 

[dean_ham]

Don't let one bad relationship turn you gay, plenty more girls out there.

nah lol girls will do me fine thank you.

 

[dean_ham]

cheers for the replies guys, much appreciated

 

[dean_ham]

Has she realised her mistake yet dean_ham?

UPDATE : texted her a bit ago and said

"whats going on then, i dont want this to go on anymore. lets decide whats best thing to do and do it"

her reply was "F OFF"

i know im silly for texting her but i wanted to see what she had to say, obviously shes still mad. Basically texted her and said we are finnished then. Get my stuff together and i will be down there tomorrow to get it.

Gonna have to see her brother and sister before i go, they are excellent little kids and will miss them and also her grand parents ill pop up and see them before i go. They the only decent people in the family...

Any nice girls out there then on ocuk hehe this thread will turn into a bit of a dating thread now ha ha

Anyway cheers guys thank you for all the comments!

 

[dean_ham]

Im afraid thats about the mentality id expect from an 18 year old.

Yeah i suppose, i dunno tough when i was 18 ( 2 years ago ) dont think i was like that. Yea most prob ive had a lucky escape. Im just glad i know where i am, what she thought of me and now i can move on.

 

[dean_ham]

I've been reading this thread because I'm bored and I must say I think your all very harsh. If you loved her the money wouldn't matter, fine make her pay it back but there's no need to throw a strom about it. So you spend £700 pounds and don't get it back. Big deal, it's the memories that count, you only live once. Have you ever thought how bad it must be to work all week for £100 and not even be able to think 'it's not so bad, I'm going on holiday soon'? So, she wants to go somewhere expensive and 'live beyond her means', she's 18, there's no way your gonna be able to afford to go expensive places when you're living together with bills to pay etc like you're wanting. Maybe she isn't as keen on living together etc as you think, what happens to her single mum when she moves out? So she hasn't saved anything, she will be doing after she's been in order to pay you back, she learns the value of money = problem solved. Do you not think she might feel bad enough even asking to borrow money? A holiday with your girlfriend somewhere nice would be worth twice that as a drink, sleep, eat, repeat holiday to Spain 'with the boys'.

I'm not trying to say your wrong but I think you must have your doubts about what you've done or you wouldn't have posted on here, I think the replies you've got are very cruel and selfish. If you can't treat someone you love to what could be the holiday of a lifetime, I don't know what kind of world we live. An afterthought, she won't want to live with you unless you she knows what you're like to live with and the only way she's gonna find out is by going on holiday, and she aint gonna want to live with someone who won't let her have the heating on when she's cold because she hasn't saved any money to pay the bills.

Sorry i just dont agree with you. Maybe you have plenty of money to flutter away on people. I WOULD GIVE HER some money IF SHE ACTUALLY made the effort to save. Its not as if she goes without anything through the week and on the weekend, like a couple people said she wants to live in the REAL world where you cant have everything when your not got the money. Simple. After all its my 21st and she HAS NOT SAVED ONE PENNY. I just think it goes to show how much she cares for me and deep down as long as shes "ok" dont worry about me....