Am I that nasty, really?

[Jean-F]

just seeking opinions here, certainly not justification.
Last night, watching TV, wife's phone rings.
I freeze the TV, and peruse the paper, waiting for her call to finish.
From her conversation, it's obvious that she's talking first with her brother's wife, then her brother.
She asks a few questions, then says, "I'll check, then call you back", disconnects and picks up her laptop, starts punching keys, scanning the screen intently, then asks me for a pen and some paper.
When she calls her sister-in-law back, she starts giving street names and bus numbers, train departure times, this one is a six minute walk, this one is eleven minutes etc. etc.
It materialised that her brother and his wife are going to York for a couple of days, and want to visit some friends in Manchester afterward, then fly back to London.
They'd asked her to look for methods of getting from Blank St. York, to Some Street Manchester, via bus or train, what the fare would be, and where were the bus and train stations in relation to their hotels in both cities.
I was amazed, and said, "You're kidding surely, have they both been paralysed, or struck with dyslexia?"
"Why?" she said, "he's not as clever as you, he doesn't know how to search for these things."
I said, "Clever? All I've ever done is drive a truck or a taxi, that's not rocket science, and I can book a flight online in seconds, he's a 53 y.o. office manager, and she works in admin, you must be nuts in not telling them to do it themselves."
She raised her voice, and told me, "You are one horrible person, you nasty (rhymes with shunt).
Was I wrong in being incredulous and more than a little annoyed at this?
I don't care about what she called me, she does that when she gets the zig, water off a duck's back.

 

[Jean-F]

what a delightful relationship you have

A reasonable but snidey assumption.
Whatever it sounds like, you should be so lucky to have one like ours, and for those who seem curious about her age, she's 58, but we've been together since she was 22.

You're not nasty, but you should be old enough to understand this is how women work.

I've been telling myself that since yesterday evening, at my age you would think that I'd know that by now.

Surely the right thing to do is to teach them how to search for it themselves.

A nice sentiment, but I fear it would be akin to trying to nail a soap bubble to the wall.

I would have said the same but then again my wifes an only child.

Perhaps you're lucky in that respect Dan.

She is a doormat and her family are morons............. there I said it.

Thanks for that wildman, and FWIW, I REALLY laboured the point that I think her brother is as dumb as all get out, so although it was completely out of character for her to drop the "C" bomb, I feel that I perhaps asked for it, and with her white hot, auburn haired temper, she let me have it, big time.

 

[Jean-F]

his time too if he's got to pause the TV instead of her being polite and leaving the room to take the phone call

In fairness to her, when her phone initially rang, neither of us had any idea how the long the call would be, so I froze the TV just as she would have done had it been my phone.
Once she realised what her brother wanted, she took the phone and laptop into the kitchen, but I didn't resume watching the TV, as it was something that we both wished to see.
I only went into apoplectic mode when I realised what she'd been asked to do, and then it started.

 

[Jean-F]

Which is true?

As for your original question, I think you weren't that nasty. You said you were amazed, not that you were malicious. Your wife, however, was malicious. So she was nastier than you were. Whether or not that bothers you is your business (and it seems that it doesn't).

I wouldn't have been amazed. Many people don't want to learn new things, especially when they have someone else to do it for them. Or maybe it pleases your wife to do this sort of thing for her brother. Maybe he knows that and asks her even though he knows how to do it himself.

Both are true, if I push her too far, (and I REALLY should know by now), she will lambast me with great spite and volume, but it rarely exceeds, 'nasty *******', or 'supercilious son-of-a-bitch.'
It may have been cumulative memories of past transgressions that triggered the "C" bomb.
In fact, when she's in full vitriolic outburst mode, she'll sometimes mispronounce supercilious, and I really push the envelope, and point out her mistake, and how to say it correctly.
This normally results in **** YOU!, followed by the slamming of the door.
You're right, it doesn't bother me, I love her to bits.
I could bring any and all arguments to an end if I'd just learn to keep my trap shut, but she's probably right, I'm too dumb too learn.

You may be right about it pleasing her to help her brother, she has his back all the time.
He's a gambling addict, and HAS to have a bet every day.
When I've said in the past that her family should perhaps point out the error of his ways to him, she flies to his defence, "Leave him alone he enjoys a bet, always has."

 

[Jean-F]

I don't see anything wrong with this. It's your wife's brother.

Usually siblings should be able to work out who is better at doing certain tasks best and usually they have no problems taking them on because they are family.

I mean if I told my brother to make me a sandwich he'd know I'm not serious, if I told my sister I'm hungry she would make me something to eat without question.

Who on earth is a brother-in-law to get in the way of my sister doing something for me lol.

If my wife ever got in the way of me doing a favour for my brother/sister I'd tell her to mind her own business.

Maybe I didn't explain it properly in my OP, I WASN'T getting in the way of my wife doing her brother a favour, I was telling her, (granted in very strong terms), that it seemed incredible to me that in 2017, and at his age, that he couldn't check on train times himself.
If she wants to hold his hand every time he crosses the road, that's her prerogative, but I think that I'd be entitled to point out that if she keeps doing that, he'll never cross the road on his own.

Yup, looking up a train time doesn't require intelligence, who can't turn on a computer, open the browser and type in exactly what they want. Want a train ticket you search for train tickets in google. It's not that they can't do it, it's that because they've never done it, because someone always does it for them they've either never felt the need to do it for themselves or have asked someone else for so long they are scared to do it themselves.

The saying should be give a man a fish, he'll never realise he can learn to fish for himself and he'll ask you for a fish every day unless you say no, teach a man to fish, that man won't bug the **** out of you for the rest of your life.

Wife is either an enabler type who just won't say no and lets herself be used or is the superior type, as in, the more people ask her for help even over simple things the more of the 'smart one' status she gains in her family and the more superior she can feel.

In your final paragraph, it is 100% NOT the 'smart one' status, my wife is emphatically the enabler who won't say no.

 

[Jean-F]

For someone who is married you sound like a newbie to dating!

Every man should know not to get involved in a womans business unless she asks or suspect shes cheating.

Forgive me, (but I couldn't care less if you don't), but a quick perusal of your posting history suggests that you are mentally too immature to expect anyone of reasonable intellect to take your input seriously.

 

[Jean-F]

Your wife knows you better than anyone here, and I'm sure she wasn't basing her personal assessment of you on this isolated exchange. If she says you're a nasty **** then you probably are.

Gee thanks String, it doesn't get any better than receiving a psycholigical assessment of one's personality, from someone who doesn't know you from Adam.
Not sure just how much of a nasty **** I am, but after 36 years together, twice having woken up in hospital, (once in an I.C.U.) to find her crying by my bedside, it's taking a long time to sink in with my wife.

 

[Jean-F]

You didn't receive the assessment from someone who doesn't know you from Adam, you received it from someone who's known you for 36 years. That was my point.




Can you be sure she was crying before you woke up?

This could go on forever, YOU were the one who said, "If she said you were nasty, then you probably are."


A good one with the crying thing though String, I'll give you that.