AM I WRONG

it does them no favors letting them live for free

I would make the lazy one do something even if its a paper round...

the one who works, I would get him to pay, £250 a month, keep half put half away but don't let him know... if you don't need the money and its a matter of principal put all the money awayhim.. only allow him to use it for a deposit on a house..
 
God I had to pay as soon as I was earning. Ended up moving out, what tipped the boat was an argument about putting up the rent to cover the phone bill which I never used, I decided to buy a mobile instead and gave them less lol. After lots of falling out and no speaking for over a month I managed to find a half decent place to rent and moved out.
 
I've always paid "rent" when at home since I started working at 16 (I'm now 23 but looking to move out as soon as possible now that Uni is over) as well as doing stuff like helping with the gardening and general maintenance of the house. My contribution during the Summer is €60 per week but I don't pay anything during the Winter as I live away from home when at Uni.
 
They should be contributing. As for the youngest you need to drag his lazy arse down the job centre.
 
EdwardTeach said:
to an extent it depends on how well off the parents are. If they genuinely need the money - then fine. But otherwise what are they earning for? my money is for my kids, i am not going to be buried with it.
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I don't think it does matter how well off the parents are. So what if the parents are rich, the children still need to learn about money. There is nothing stopping the parents taking some money and just saving it for them. I'm talking about when they are in full time employment and living at home - possible exception being if they are saving for a house deposit. I'm not saying you should charge board to a 16 year old kid with a part time job.
 
EdwardTeach said:
to an extent it depends on how well off the parents are. If they genuinely need the money - then fine. But otherwise what are they earning for? my money is for my kids, i am not going to be buried with it.
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:eek:....and thus you teach your kids what? That they can sponge of dad anytime the going gets tough?
How well off the parents are is totally irrelevent, period!
Youngsters need to learn money doesn't grow on trees and when they enter the 'real' world that's how it's gonna be.
When you die what will your kids do then? Starve? suffocate cos daddy aint around to wipe their a*se?

Sorry mate, i just think you are so wrong on this that its insulting."Spoilt brats" is the terms i'd use for such kids and "irresponsible" is the term i'd use for any parent that lets their offspring get away with it....especially when they are fully grown and in their 20s.

Andy; i sympathise and empathise mate. My 2 step sons are only 16 and we're trying to teach them that they have to work/fend for themselves. We don't charge board, cos they only do paper rounds, but the time will certaily come when we do, if they want to take advantage of the food, shelter, laundry etc that we offer them.

You've done your best by them, but their mother IS being irresponsible (as said by another poster) and unfair. The thing is she will/may use the "if they were your kids you wouldn't do that" line which is totally unfair....but typically woman-like.

Good luck buddy.
 
If the kids have any intelligence theyll get to a point in life where they wished they had done more when they were younger. Tell them this, MAKE them think about their future. Kicking them out the house or demanding rent would be a start.
 
Nobody is right or wrong, free will and she's happy to keep them at home.
Question is what are you going to do about it?

Put up with it.
Leave her.
Do something logically.
Or use some crappy ultimatum people in relationships like to often do!
 
First of all, well done for raising this kids as your own and acting like a proper father figure.

However, they need to get on their own feet now. There 20 and 22. I personally had little jobs here and there since I was 16. I started paying rent at 21 when I got my first full time job (live at home uni student 18-21), which was £50 a week (seems the average sum).

That £50 covered food, elec, oil and water. I had to do my own laundry etc, not a problem seeing as I was doing this since I was 14.

But in no way are you in the wrong at all. You arent asking for them to pay you any money, just to cover their own expenses which you occur and have to cover.

Go kick their asses into shape :)
 
Sounds like the Mother & kids have been taking the **** out of you for 15 years so why the sudden turn around in your attitude ?
They should have been contributing from toddlers all the way through teens in the way of helping around the house doing chores then as soon as they earn money they should contribute a percentage to the household, If not then batter them, If that don't sort it then kick them out or move out yourself & leave her to it.
 
ChrisJSY said:
Nobody is right or wrong, free will and she's happy to keep them at home.
Question is what are you going to do about it?

Put up with it.
Leave her.
Do something logically.
Or use some crappy ultimatum people in relationships like to often do!
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Lol, tor the truth of it, i guess.

However i think it's fundamentally accepted that trying to teach your children/young adults/lazy adults to fend/look after themselves is the right way.

But as you say, what is the op gonna do about?
 
Your being way too soft on them and from what you have said they are a pair of ungrateful little *****. If you cant reason with someone and show them the error of their views on this issue then there is little hope. From what you say, the mother wants you to keep paying for them indefinitely and from experience I can tell you that if you spoil children then it becomes their god given right to be spoilt.

The only way you will get over this is to be tough and just say no. Dont discuss it with the wife, just tell her no and explain why. Explain how she is being stupid to say they are kids when they are over 20 and go out on the lash and have girlfriends. Explain to her that you are not doing them any good and that they need to make a life for themselves.

This is the generation where kids are not leaving home till their mid twenties and then coming back a few times after that. Its all because parents are too mollycoddling.
 
fez said:
This is the generation where kids are not leaving home till their mid twenties and then coming back a few times after that. Its all because parents are too mollycoddling.
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Not neccesarily the case. I havent moved out because Id rather give my parents the £250 rent than some random landlord. Obviously im saving to move out and buy my own place.
 
Frenzy said:
Not neccesarily the case. I havent moved out because Id rather give my parents the £250 rent than some random landlord. Obviously im saving to move out and buy my own place.
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Aah...but your parents probably want you out, but don't want to hurt your feelings....or their pockets. :D
 
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