Another joke

Angilion

Angilion

Angilion

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I read this elsewhere and it made me laugh, so here we go:

Three women are good friends. One is married, one is engaged and the third is the mistress of a wealthy businessman. Over some coffee, they decide to try something special for their sex lives. Some overt sexwear - long high-heel boots, sexy undies, leather and lace corset and a black around-the-eyes type of mask for a touch of mysteriousness.

A week later, they meet for coffee again...

The engaged woman said "I made sure I got home before he did and I got ready. The boots, the corset, the mask...my fiance loved it! He told me how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and we made love all night. It was wonderful!"

The mistress said "I phoned him at work and told him to stay late because I had a surprise for him. I got ready. The boots, the corset, the mask...and a coat. I went to his workplace, went up to his office...and let the coat drop on the floor. He swept everything off his desk and we had wild sex all night. It was great!"

The married woman said "I arranged for my mother to have the kids for the night, then I got ready. The boots, the corset, the mask. My husband came home and said "Hiya, Batman. What's for dinner?"
 
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A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office.

"Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.

What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

Soldier One: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!"

General: "Very good son, that's seventy inches which comes to one hundred and forty pounds"

Soldier Two: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"

General: "Even better son, that's seventy two inches which comes to one hundred and forty four pounds"

Soldier Three: "The tip of me dick to me balls, sahr!"

General: "That's a strange request, but drop your trousers, son!"

As the general begins the measurement: "My God, son, where are your balls?"

Soldier Three: "Falkland Island, sahr!"

;)
 
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes
the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and
she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the
Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws
open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole
line is backing up, putting the entire production line
behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for
himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself
together and approaches Lena.

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you
yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
 
simulatorman said:
A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office.

"Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.

What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

Soldier One: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!"

General: "Very good son, that's seventy inches which comes to one hundred and forty pounds"

Soldier Two: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"

General: "Even better son, that's seventy two inches which comes to one hundred and forty four pounds"

Soldier Three: "The tip of me dick to me balls, sahr!"

General: "That's a strange request, but drop your trousers, son!"

As the general begins the measurement: "My God, son, where are your balls?"

Soldier Three: "Falkland Island, sahr!"

;)
Click to expand...

:D
 
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