Another Relationship Thread

Surfer · 27 Jul 2007 at 13:47

Her mum doesn't mind her finding someone, her dad does. He wants it to stay "in cast".

Cast being the kind of family you are from and what they did back in Pakistan. Like you have tailores/carpenters/farmers and some others. My cast and her cast are totally different

You mean the "caste" system. Saw i documentary on this not so long ago. Was pretty much denounced as slavery. I pretty much agree

But this is what the joys of multiculturalism bring.

from Wiki said:
The Caste system in Pakistan creates sectarian divides and strong issues along similar lines to those divides seen inIndia. Lower castes are often severely persecuted by the upper castes. Lower castes are denied privileges in many communities and violence is committed against them. A particularly infamous example of such incidents is that of Mukhtaran Mai in Pakistan, a low caste woman who was gang raped by upper caste men. In addition, educated Pakistani women from the lower castes are often persecuted by the higher castes for attempting to break the shackles of the restrictive system (that traditionally denied education to the lower castes, particularly the women). A recent example of this is the case of Ghazala Shaheen, a low caste Muslim woman in Pakistan who, in addition to getting a higher education, had an uncle who eloped with a woman of a high caste family. She was accosted and gang-raped by the upper-caste family. The chances of any legal action are low due to the Pakistani Government's inability to repeal theHudood ordinance against women in Pakistan, though, in 2006, Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf proposed laws against Hudood making rape a punishable offense, which were ratified by the Pakistani senate. The law is meeting considerable opposition from the Islamistparties in Pakistan, who insist that amending the laws to make them more civilized towards women is against the mandate of Islamic religious law.

A2Z · 27 Jul 2007 at 13:47

lolz

/awaits permaban

iCraig · 27 Jul 2007 at 13:49

Yeah because all Muslims are automatically terrorists. :rolleyes:

I bet you don't say a word when a Muslim dentist sorts your teeth out, or a Muslim police officer protects your street, yet you'll shout out your xenophobic hatred behind the cloak of the internet. You're one of the racist cowards that makes me embarrassed.

V4NT0M · 27 Jul 2007 at 13:50

She's either telling you porkies as an excuse or she's not worth it anyway.

If she knew this was part of her culture and will bend to the will and marry this guy because her culture dictates it then she was wrong to get into a relationship with you and/or she's not worth your time.

Or she's using the scenario as an excuse because she doesnt want to be with you anymore.

The only thing that will make this turn out right is if she just ignores her culture and stays with you. Again, you should ask her why she went into this relationship with you if she knew it would be doomed.

Mikoyan · 27 Jul 2007 at 13:53

marcus430

why dont you post on your main account noob ???

cleanbluesky · 27 Jul 2007 at 13:54

Mods, would it be possible to get a purge of the crap from this thread - I think its worthwhile and I wouldn't want to see it disappear

Subliminal Aura · 27 Jul 2007 at 13:57

Deluxe1 said:
If she isnt willing to tell her parents then call it quits and end it with her and move on.

Not only that - you should be man enough to ask her parents for her hand in marriage.

You folk got no balls.

Vita · 27 Jul 2007 at 13:58

Subliminal Aura said:
Not only that - you should be man enough to ask her parents for her hand in marriage.

You folk got no balls.

I can ask for hand in marriage. But I need to chose, either her or my education. I don't have a job or enough money and can't take money from parents as my pride gets the best of me :\

Subliminal Aura · 27 Jul 2007 at 14:05

Vita said:
I can ask for hand in marriage. But I need to chose, either her or my education. I don't have a job or enough money and can't take money from parents as my pride gets the best of me :\

So you need to choose ? :rolleyes:

(you best not let her see that)

Time for you to move on then mate and not dwell on this insignificant period of your life.

Jaap74 · 27 Jul 2007 at 14:11

arranged marriages are so backwards.............. like something from the stone age...........

could lead to a so called "honour killing" unfortunately..............

all bad

JohnnyG · 27 Jul 2007 at 14:16

Try and keep it on the subject now, this is real lurrve we're talking here.

cleanbluesky · 27 Jul 2007 at 14:18

JohnnyG said:
this is real lurrve we're talking here.

Bay-be... I didn't know you cared.

lofz · 27 Jul 2007 at 14:18

At 19 years old I would advise you to call it a day, especially as you haven't had a chance to get your own life started properly. I'm 25 now and only over these last couple of years my life has started to settle down and take some direction.

A lot changes between the ages of 19 - 25, it feels awful at the moment to not be with the girl you love but later on you might be thankful for not going ahead with it. As you said you don't have a lot of money so you can't offer her much, I would take the advise of your mother because she has your best interests at heart. Go to college/uni, get a job, get your independence and then settle down with a girl.

It is tough but the best thing you can do is keep your chin up and get on with your life.

All the best

V4NT0M · 27 Jul 2007 at 14:21

Jaap74 said:
marriages are so backwards.............. like something from the stone age...........

Fixed.

Dave · 27 Jul 2007 at 14:31

Vita said:
Well "realtionships" are not meant to happen. You're meant to go to the house, see the daughter, decide and then ask her hand in marriage if you like her.

Seems a bit strange to me - how can you know if she's the right person for you to marry without getting to know her, and seeing if you'd work together as a couple in the same house?

Meh, I'm beyond my depth as an ignorant Englishman here

Vita · 27 Jul 2007 at 14:35

Dave said:
Seems a bit strange to me - how can you know if she's the right person for you to marry without getting to know her, and seeing if you'd work together as a couple in the same house?

Meh, I'm beyond my depth as an ignorant Englishman here

I forgot the getting to know you part lol. It's mostly based on family decision in some cases, if the background of the opposite family is good and they can look after the daughter. a lot of curruption too in some cases

kurtoski06 · 27 Jul 2007 at 15:00

[TW]Fox said:
Religion

I agree i think this is the problem BUT just talk to her, see what she wants to do about it all.

Good Luck mate.

BrightonBelle · 27 Jul 2007 at 15:32

Please people... if you don't have anything serious to contribute please stay out and stop taking the ****.

Vita - I see I think I understand now... many people have said that 19 is young and you have your whole life ahead of you etc etc... but as far as I am aware in Muslim culture (I may not be right) families - mum and dad, have been planning your love life from very early on!

Cultures are very different - even cultures within cultures so it seems... I am sure they would be back tracking if they saw her daughter hook up with an Atheist :/ but then they wouldn't know about you and arranged marriage would be in place anyway as they wouldn't allow it...

Sorry am not much help!

BB x

Vita · 27 Jul 2007 at 16:40

Yeah thanks, I understand.

Bit of an update, I spoke to her today and she goes she'll have a word with her mum. Apparently, she's scared of her family saying no you can't be with him, and they may emotionally blackmail her. Saying you've disrespected our family and stuff.

In my mind I've pretty much have set that I have to let her go, incase she gets hurt. We'll have to see what happens.

Jaap74 · 27 Jul 2007 at 17:07

hopefully this type of behaviour dies out with successive generations when they are in a more civilised country like this........

Another Relationship Thread

Woman of Honour